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Old 03-07-2009, 01:11 PM
 
901 posts, read 2,980,509 times
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I didn't see the Suze Orman episode. So, I 'm going on what I read. I do think that it is a case by case basis. In my family, we help each other out. A cousin of mine with 3 children left her husband and moved in with her mother. Is the mother obligated to help out her daughter? No Still, that's her family and she will always try and be there for her.

I have helped out my mother in the past. So far, in my adult life I have never had to ask my mother for money. Still, I know she would help me if she is able to. She told me that I can live with her if I get laid off. I also have other family that would be willing to take me in.

My father can kiss my a$$. He has done nothing for me. I don't have time to get into it, but I couldn't care less if he ended up on the streets. I know that sounds harsh, but I mean it.
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Old 03-07-2009, 01:38 PM
 
Location: Forests of Maine
37,271 posts, read 61,027,360 times
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Those who attempt to follow the Bible's guidance are encouraged to 'honour' their parents.

'IF' parents form a family where love is present, where family bonds are taught, where every family member is taught to care for one another and to help one another; THEN I would think that each family member would be willing and eager to assist each other every time such assistance is needed.

'IF' parents choose not to form a family where love is present, if family bonds not are taught, if every family member is taught to care for himself and to back-stab one another; THEN I would think that each child would go into adulthood with mis-trust of relatives, and would never assist each other.

We can all still attempt to honour our parents.

I am not familiar with Suze Ornan, if she writes books, I have never read them. I am not entirely sure why anyone would care about what this person says. Is she 'famous'?
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Old 03-07-2009, 02:41 PM
 
901 posts, read 2,980,509 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by forest beekeeper View Post
.

I am not familiar with Suze Ornan, if she writes books, I have never read them. I am not entirely sure why anyone would care about what this person says. Is she 'famous'?
She is a very famous financial advisor.
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Old 03-07-2009, 07:55 PM
 
3,650 posts, read 9,190,467 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by forest beekeeper View Post
I am not entirely sure why anyone would care about what this person says.
Insecurity peppered with stupidity, more or less.
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Old 03-08-2009, 05:59 AM
 
5,047 posts, read 5,763,815 times
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YOu know I am looking at it from two different points of view.

We have been married for over 20 years and live in the usa. Our families live across the pond. My husband is one of two, his sister is professional, we own a small business. But about 15 years ago we decided that we would help our families. We said to my in laws that we would pay their utility bills for them. They raised him, made sure he was ok as a person. His sister went to college, had the big fancy wedding etc all on her parents dime. We did nothing of that. We paid our own college etc.
Then I went to my own family and said to my mum I would pay her utility bills also. She would have none of it. Her logic was that you are one of five and why should only one person pay for me. We have never paid a dime for her. She is now 85 and still very independent.

Should children help out ; most definately yes. But should it be expected ; no. There is a difference. I hope that I will not expect my children to help us out when we are older. But if they choose to do so, it will be a huge help and also a bonus that I have raised such good children.

After all, we are nobody if it wasnt for our parents.
d
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Old 03-08-2009, 10:24 AM
 
Location: Texas
14,975 posts, read 16,406,138 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by forest beekeeper View Post
'IF' parents form a family where love is present, where family bonds are taught, where every family member is taught to care for one another and to help one another; THEN I would think that each family member would be willing and eager to assist each other every time such assistance is needed.
Exactly. And it absolutely must go both ways. If parents boot the kids out the door at midnight on their 18th birthday and never give a single penny of support after that or if the parents were abusive, etc., they deserve nothing from those kids.

Also, if parents are unwilling to help with babysitting, etc. when the kids have their own kids, then why should the kids be willing to help with retirement?

The parent and child relationship is tied for most important with the husband/wife relationship. However, it HAS to be mutual.

I'd honestly rather see a system where kids have to help support their parents through retirement rather than relying on social security. It really shouldn't be a government issue. At the same time, if the parents deserve nothing from the kids, they shouldn't get it. And I would also hate to have to have laws forcing people to do the right thing.
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Old 03-08-2009, 01:15 PM
 
1,176 posts, read 1,814,065 times
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I wouldn't say "obligated", but I do find it disturbing that so many grown children seem to feel no reason to help their parents if they are financially well off and their parents have fallen on hard times. This is particularly disturbing in our present economy, when almost all of my retired friends who have followed all the prevailing wisdom and yet have found themselves with retirement accounts decimated. I would consider myself to be very conservative monetarily having a paid for house (after only 8 years of ownership) and yet I have lost a considerable amount of the savings I accrued over 25 years of working. I have already offered my son and d-i-l my guest bedroom if they should need it and I would hope that they would do likewise.
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Old 06-03-2010, 05:39 PM
 
1 posts, read 3,833 times
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i am twenty-one years old and deal with a mother who doesn't have it together. She took a loan out in my name for 15,000 dollars when i turned 18 and continues to do even more things to sabotage my financial future. She does not do this because she is a bad person, she has just ran out of options and has started to spill her paint onto my canvas and i have been dumb enough to let her. She owes me almost 2,000 dollars and my sister 1,000. I let her move into my old apartment and she still has my name on the electric bill. It is july and she has not made a payment since february. I continually call her and ask her to transfer it and she begs me for another month. It has now been seven months. I love her so much but it seems like every other day a new payday loan is calling me and she is asking me for more money....aren't parents supposed to help their kids with their futures? Instead mine wishes to saddle me with her debts!! help
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Old 06-03-2010, 07:10 PM
 
20,187 posts, read 23,766,709 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bzc6469 View Post
i am twenty-one years old and deal with a mother who doesn't have it together. She took a loan out in my name for 15,000 dollars when i turned 18 and continues to do even more things to sabotage my financial future. She does not do this because she is a bad person, she has just ran out of options and has started to spill her paint onto my canvas and i have been dumb enough to let her. She owes me almost 2,000 dollars and my sister 1,000. I let her move into my old apartment and she still has my name on the electric bill. It is july and she has not made a payment since february. I continually call her and ask her to transfer it and she begs me for another month. It has now been seven months. I love her so much but it seems like every other day a new payday loan is calling me and she is asking me for more money....aren't parents supposed to help their kids with their futures? Instead mine wishes to saddle me with her debts!! help
Does your mother work? Why is she spending so much money and fraudulently using your name for accounts? If anyone does that to me, they are a "bad person" and just because she is your mom does not negate her being a "bad person"... I would suggest taking over your mother's finances and making her live within her means... and move her away from the source of the trouble... whatever that may be...
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Old 06-03-2010, 09:08 PM
 
3,650 posts, read 9,190,467 times
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uh yeah, I wouldn't consider taking advantage of your kids exactly good.

You're going to have to "help" yourself. Sorry you have to deal w/that though.
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