Are children "obligated" to help parents financially? (year, raise, business)

[kelsie]

Unfortunately, more and more States (Pa. just passed this Bill in June) that adult children are going to be held responsible for their indigent parents, i.e. Nursing Home & Medical bills.

It is a shame that Adult children that have their own families to raise & their own bills might have to be responsible for their parents.

Before my MIL passed away I would send her some money for food, etc. every couple of months, but if we had to fully support her we would have slipped into our own financial difficulty.

[Submariner]

My mother received child-support until I turned 21.

When I was 15 I began working full-time and I supported myself. I provided my food, my clothing, my housing, and anything else I required.

On the day I was born, my grandparents 'gave' $50 at each of my birthdays and each Christmas, to my mother for my college fund. They did so until I was 18. [Logically you would think 18 years times $100 each year would equal about $1800.]

When I was 16 my father 'invested' my college fund in the stock market. When I turned 24, I graduated college [which was paid for with no assistance from my parents or my college fund], and I was given my entire college fund all $700 of it.

You want me to help my parents?

My father loved to say:
"Dogs and horses can be trained to do anything because they want to please you, because they love you. Women and children can only be trained by beating them. You never need to beat a dog or horse to get them to do things, they will do anything for you because they love you. Women and children can never understand love; they must be beaten to be trained."

[SoloTraveler]

Some responses here make me shake my head. I get it, though. Different cultural and socioeconomic backgrounds should naturally elicit varied responses. There really isn't a right or wrong answer the more I think about it.

As someone whose ethnic background is of SE Asian origin, there is no question and there will never be any hesitation on my part to help out a family member, should the need arise.

[StAcKhOuSe]

i help support my mother(along with her boyfriend). she is unemployed and i live with her, but the apartment is basically mine. since i was 19, i've had to sacrifice and social/romantic life just to bust my ass and work two jobs so i can support myself & the house while going to school. she has all kinds of health problems brought on by her lifestyle. she has applied for disability and got denied, she has hired a lawyer so hopefully she will end up getting it in a year or so. i would move out, but she wouldn't make it without me. once she gets her disability, i would like to move out and start living my life. i have actually helped support her starting at 16, but the difference was she was still able to work.

[brightdoglover]

I declined to help support my mother when she was 57 and barely employable, but she quit a decent job that was ideal for her because of her paranoias about the job.

I sent my father some money when he needed it for co-pays for cataracts and he insisted on paying me back a couple of years later. He was living on Soc. Security and had robbed, stolen and cheated about money all his life for gambling, including raiding our kid piggy banks and little bank savings accounts. He continued to gamble up until his death at 87, but paid his bills first on Soc. Security. I did offer for him to live with me if needed, but he declined, as I live in an area where there is nowhere to walk except the store, and he could walk to the train to go gamble where he lived.

I never felt obligated to either one. I was very tired of my mother's emotional/mental issues and her manipulations thereof. My father did step in to help her (moved in with her in her tiny trailer and paid some bills) because, as he said, "I figured your mother shouldn't end up in the street because she married a bum like me once." I call that "clear on the concept," and I do believe he wanted to be sure that she didn't cause trouble for my sister or me.

I think that maybe my parents' way of handling things vis a vis money was not quite the norm.

[tigerfan41]

I think a lot of it depends on the parents, what they did for their kids, the circumstances of their finances and the circumstances of their children's finances. In my case, my parents weren't perfect but I feel they did a good job raising me. Financially, they're not in the best shape, but they want to change. Financially, I'm still working on things. But when I have extra money after I've paid my bills and other expenses, I want to help them out in whatever way. Whether that's buying an air conditioner for them or helping with groceries, I feel it's my duty as a child to help out.

That said, I don't give handouts. If they were to say, continually waste the money or resources I'm giving them, I would not continue to help out. However, I don't expect to help them out for the rest of their lives, which is why I am helping them to get things in order financially. They'll soon be able to handle any unexpected expenses that come up because they'll have savings available to use, bills will be paid on time etc.

Bottom line: if they're in a bad financial situation of their own doing, the help you should provide should be limited. In my case, my parents financial situation is partly their fault, which is why my help is with the expectation that they'll stick to a budget and get in better shape.

[Jasper03]

My parents are the most financially irresponsible people I know and their retirement plan is their children. My mom has already tried to con me into moving in and taking care of her before she was 65. My dad verbally and physically abused us and was also lazy and shiftless his entire life. I will take care of my mom when she is truly old and incapacitated but dad? Uh heck no. I will move to S. America before I allow myself to be put on the hook for him.

[katestar]

Originally Posted by tigerfan41

Bottom line: if they're in a bad financial situation of their own doing, the help you should provide should be limited. In my case, my parents financial situation is partly their fault, which is why my help is with the expectation that they'll stick to a budget and get in better shape.

Totally agree with this. We are going through this with my MIL now. Her financial situation is her fault. We've set up a budget for her and making sure all her bills are paid on time so that she can get up from under them and move out on her own.

My parents both work and are in their early 50s, so I have a while until I have to worry about them. However, I would help my mom in anyway I could. She wasn't the best mother, but financially she always helped when she could. She's as good with money as me so if she got in trouble it would probaby be something outside of her control. My parents share their money, so helping her would be helping my step-dad as well. In the case that they separated, my two brothers would have to help my step-dad. He's a nice guy and everything, but lazy and treated me like crap for a few childhood years. He has two blood sons that should step up and help.

[findly185]

I do not feel obligated to do much of anything I dont honestly WANT to do willingly, that includes helping my parents financially.

[bbnetworking]

I cannot imagine not helping out parents. But if they were abusive parents, that's a different story.

It's not easy to raise any kids these days, mom carried me in her belly for 10 months then went through labor. Daddy gave me food and shelter all these years.

Unless you are some type of animal, or heartless human. I think if you have the means of helping them out, you SHOULD...or at the least, you should provide them the basics of food and shelter.

Someone on the board said he was here because of parents donated their DNA. "Who brought you up"? "Who gave you food?" Non-Sense.