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Old 02-21-2009, 08:53 PM
 
Location: Marshall-Shadeland, Pittsburgh, PA
32,606 posts, read 77,344,744 times
Reputation: 19077

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I suppose I merely come from a different school of thought than many in this thread apparently have been derived from, but then again with how self-centered and materialistic America has become this truly isn't a shock. I'm currently twenty-two and will soon be graduating from a private four-year college that had an annual tuition bill of $24,000. Thanks to my high SAT score and great high school record I received a plethora of scholarships/financial aid from my institution, and the balance was split 50/50 between my parents' generosity and with me taking out student loans for the remainder. They have no expectation that I'll reimburse them for that half of the bill not covered by scholarships/financial aid, yet little do they know that they will be repaid by me (plus interest may I add) when they reach their "Golden Years." I feel as if it is my moral and ethical duty to reciprocate kindness, even if it is generally "assumed" that most parents SHOULD help their children to receive an education that will adequately prepare them for a fruitful life.

My parents are in their mid-50s. Both have college degrees themselves, but they are both underemployed since Scranton's employers have this mentality that professionals here are "worth less" than their counterparts in most other areas. Combined they earn approximately $75,000 annually. They have very little socked away now for a rainy day, much less for their retirement, and that concerns me since they really only have another decade or so of employment ahead of them. My sister, who is five years my senior, went through college at a time when my father was earning more money---my parents earned $95,000 per year at that time combined. Now she and her husband, even though both are still in their mid-to-late-twenties, already earn nearly $100,000 combined. In contrast I'm only earning $15,000 per year right now in retail sales with no solid job prospects lined up due to the limited offerings right now for accountants due to the recession. I would hope that my sister and brother-in-law are socking aside some cash from every paycheck in a separate bank account to deliver a nice chunk of change to both my parents and his parents when they all retire, much as I plan to do once I have secured stable employment (retail sucks), but naturally her financial affairs are no business of my own.

My parents were both first-generation college graduates who didn't have much growing up and who still don't have all that much today. I don't want to see them suffer in their prime years, especially since people tend to die off young in my family (damn genetics!) Ideally my sister and I will each be able to bestow $10,000 to our parents when they retire so that they can use that $20,000 lump sum payment however they see fit---preferably to spend several months touring Europe and reconnecting romantically. My parents still supported me financially even after they found out I was gay (i.e. a horrible mistake in their eyes), so why shouldn't I reciprocate that loyalty?

Some of you people are downright disgustingly selfish. The very same people who sacrificed to give YOU the best life they could provide ought to receive something in return.
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Old 02-21-2009, 11:21 PM
 
985 posts, read 2,596,021 times
Reputation: 736
Not everyone had the happy upbringing like you did, ScranBarre, and not everyone's parents help them out after they hit 18. Some, had to actually take care of themselves. Consider yourself lucky and leave it at that. Your parents helped you as a gift, if they had expected something in return it wouldn't have been a gift at all. And, I don't recall anyone who had a good relationship with their parents saying they wouldn't help their parents out, just that they didn't feel obligated to. What would you rather have, someone help you just because they felt obligated OR because they loved you? I'd chose the latter.

Hmm, I just wanted to add ScranBarre, if your parents had had to take care of their parents at the time you went to college, do you think they still would have been able to help you? With people having kids later these days, they could easily find themselves in a situation where there parents need help and their children need financial help. Which are they suppose to choose?

Last edited by Kaye02; 02-21-2009 at 11:55 PM..
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Old 02-21-2009, 11:47 PM
 
Location: In a delirium
2,588 posts, read 5,421,748 times
Reputation: 1401
I don't know if children are necessarily obligated to help parents. As is often the case, it just boils down to each individual's situation. I'd say for the vast majority of us, though, we should feel obligated to help our parents in times of need. And, like the poster above mentioned, such actions would be tied more to love than a sense of obligation. Happily, that's how it is in my situation. Even with my brother whom I don't particularly like quite often, but I do love him and would help him in a heartbeat if he needed it.
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Old 02-22-2009, 06:44 AM
 
3,650 posts, read 9,191,434 times
Reputation: 2787
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScranBarre View Post
Some of you people are downright disgustingly selfish.
While others are narrow-minded, short-sighted, and self-righteous. Oh well, we all have our faults eh?
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Old 02-22-2009, 07:28 AM
 
Location: Virginia
931 posts, read 3,794,147 times
Reputation: 447
Are children "obligated" to help parents financially?

No.
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Old 02-22-2009, 08:23 AM
 
Location: Marshall-Shadeland, Pittsburgh, PA
32,606 posts, read 77,344,744 times
Reputation: 19077
Thank you for showing me the error in my ways. I'll now let my parents sit and rot in destitution as they age as my sister and I earn six-figures in different parts of the BosWash Corridor thanks the the college educations that they helped us to secure. After all, it is MY hard-earned money, is it not? Why shouldn't I spend it on a 65" flat-screen plasma television instead of on my mother's breast cancer treatment?

Last edited by SteelCityRising; 02-22-2009 at 08:24 AM.. Reason: Clarification and Typographical Error
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Old 02-22-2009, 08:27 AM
 
Location: Marshall-Shadeland, Pittsburgh, PA
32,606 posts, read 77,344,744 times
Reputation: 19077
Quote:
Originally Posted by bill545 View Post
While others are narrow-minded, short-sighted, and self-righteous. Oh well, we all have our faults eh?
How is it that so many of you were born to neglectful and hateful parents? It must feel terrible to be so bitter about those who were entrusted to keep a roof over your heads, food on the table, and warmth in the winter as you progressed through your formidable years, not to mention hauling your derrieres to the physician when you fell ill and paying for your prescription medications. Let's also not forget those dreaded parent-teacher conferences, ensuring that you did your homework and snagged good grades so that you could be productive members of society. Yes, parents truly are a "burden" upon us, are they not? If people are having children that they can't provide for, then perhaps it is time for MANDATORY STERILIZATION?
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Old 02-22-2009, 10:14 AM
 
3,650 posts, read 9,191,434 times
Reputation: 2787
You're right! After all, we've all led the same life as you....and regardless of whether we have or not, if any of us disagree w/you in the slightest, we must be bitter and our parents hateful and we would rather buy a TV than help them w/cancer treatments etc etc etc.

However, we do agree on the mandatory sterilization point. I see people demonstrating the need on a tragically frequent basis.
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Old 02-22-2009, 10:58 AM
 
Location: Forests of Maine
37,281 posts, read 61,039,203 times
Reputation: 30166
ScranBarre -

I have not considered my parents to be neglectful. Growing up I was provided a home, food and clothing, up until I turned 15. From that point on I was expected to pay for myself.

I was much more fortunate than my siblings as I was not thrown out at that age. Being the youngest, I suppose that I got the benefit of the hatred which was expended on my elder siblings.

So I never really considered my parents to be neglectful.



'Hateful"

I don't know. Both of my parents were children say 5 and 10 years old when the Great Depression took away their family farms. The next few years were spent on the farms of cousins, squatting on abandoned fields, trying very hard to feed themselves. Until finally the big move Westward to the fertile valleys of California. Where entire families picked berries and veggies, and lived in tents. People fought over job openings, physical fights with knives, guns, blood and sometimes deaths.

I think that sometimes when they see children today, it does anger them. Well fed, clothed, wasteful, lazy, and picky. The anger may be at the circumstances of where they were children, but it may often be mis-placed onto the people around them.



My parents would never allow themselves to be a burden on anyone.

They simply will not allow it.
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Old 02-22-2009, 11:15 AM
 
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
6,588 posts, read 17,506,796 times
Reputation: 9462
ScranBarre, it is two people's choice to bring a child into the world. Therefore, they have an obligation to raise it to the best of their abilities, to give that child the best start in life possible. Children are by definition very dependent, and deserve all of the nurturing, care-taking, etc. that can be provided.

This does not flow both ways. I don't owe my father anything just because he provided a home for me and food on the table. If it comes to a choice between helping my father or helping my own children, my children will win every single time. They need my help more than my father does. He is at the end of his life; my children's adult lives are just beginning.

Also, if I squandered life's opportunities, if I chose not to better myself and go back to school for a college degree, then why do my children have to sacrifice their lives for me? I would hope they'd help me a little, but I don't expect anything from them. They have their own lives to lead and families to raise. I want to help my kids, not burden them.

And please, not everyone is like you. Not everyone was raised by nurturing, loving parents. There are many parents who should never have had children! The tone of your original post was so judgmental; I'm giving you a pass because you're young. However, until you're a parent, don't presume to know everything about family relationships and the way money works. (And if this makes me sound judgmental, so be it! )
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