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It is definitely our plan to provide a college education for both of our children as our parents did for us, but that will come only after we have made adequate provisions for our retirement years.
Agreed 100%. As they say you can get a loan for college but you can't get a loan for retirement.
Hmmm....
We can't make our kids responsible or good adults or happy or anything else. We can help them to reach goals and learn respect and responsibility. We can also help them by showing them a healthy example and provide financial support within the family's budget. This last part depends on every family and every situation is different. This is not a one size fits all type of question or answer.
My husband and I have worked very hard (25 years, more or less) to raise our kids and provide for their college expenses, while also saving for our own retirement. We are not rich by any means, but we have made decisions that allowed us to save money. We did without some things and never bought our kids cars, as one example.
Although we are helping our kids, we do not think they are spoiled or ungrateful for what we have done. When we had our children we took this responsibility upon ourselves. We wanted each of our kids to have a bachelor degree (which is not all that much in today's economy, unless it is highly specialized). At this point we have paid for one of our kid's college and have another in her second year. Our youngest is in high school. And although we have saved, it will not be enough in realistic terms. Costs keep rising and their college savings will not match those costs.
I don't think we "owe" it to our kids to send them to college, but my husband and I truly want to help them. We paid for our own schooling and we had to live with very little for a long time. We survived and we still had kids, but it was not easy. So if we can help our kids, why is it so terrible? My kids have part time jobs and are generous, compassionate people. If there comes a time that we have to stop helping them, which is possible, then I will take on a part time job or get a loan to help cover costs, as long as they are keeping up good grades and responsible behavior.
There are plenty of people who are handed things without having to earn them. There are people who don't know how to make it as responsible members of society. A parent who helps his/her kid get established in society (in any way they can--emotionally, financially, academically) helps make our societies and communities safer and better.
My husband and I have worked very hard (25 years, more or less) to raise our kids and provide for their college expenses, while also saving for our own retirement. We are not rich by any means, but we have made decisions that allowed us to save money. We did without some things and never bought our kids cars, as one example.
You say later in your post that you paid for your own schooling. Don't you think that those lean years are what motivated you to work so hard for 25 years and save and prioritize? Don't you appreciate those times for what they helped turn you into as adults?
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I don't think we "owe" it to our kids to send them to college, but my husband and I truly want to help them. We paid for our own schooling and we had to live with very little for a long time. We survived and we still had kids, but it was not easy. So if we can help our kids, why is it so terrible?
I don't think it's terrible to help them. I'm simply saying that parents are not obligated to help their kids. If they have the money and it doesn't take away from their retirement savings then fine. A lot of friends of mine lived at home rent free when they went to college but they had jobs and paid their own tuition. You tend to take better care of things when you are paying for them rather than someone else, so a lot of these kids took their education seriously since it was their hard earned money that was footing the bill.
I don't think under any circumstances that parents should put themselves into serious debt (like taking a second mortgage) to put their kids through college. It's a lot easier for the kid to get a loan, and start paying it back after they graduate and start working than it will be for the parents if one falls ill or loses a job and they have all this debt.
We owe our kids the opportunity to learn what it means to struggle to achieve a goal...
It's nice to help them achieve that goal, but giving them all of the money for school is just as much of a disservice as doing their homework for them.
To combine two threads here in CD's Personal Finance ...
Parents aren't responsible for their childrens' college education bills, and children aren't responsible for their parents' medical bills.
If either side *wants* to help, fine. But it's not required.
Agreed.
BTW--I am not undermining all the sacrifices I made to get an education (they did help form the person that I am and my husband as well), but I would have been very grateful for a little help in my education. My parents were not able to help as much as they wanted and I am able to make a different decision because of the education that I now have. I do think it is important for kids to have a small loan to repay to give them a sense of responsible ownership for their education. This is something I need to make sure happens.
You say later in your post that you paid for your own schooling. Don't you think that those lean years are what motivated you to work so hard for 25 years and save and prioritize? Don't you appreciate those times for what they helped turn you into as adults? .
I can't answer for her, but I can say this for me -- no. My husband paid his way through most of his schooling, as I did -- and that had no impact on our budgeting wisely and making savings a priority in later life.
While we studied at school, school came easy to both of us, so there was a lot of fun involved, too.
Our budgeting wisely and savings mantra was something built in to us both from the way we were brought up.... our parents did it, so we did it.
On one hand you may desire to provide your children their college expenses as a gesture to show them you are supporting their goal for higher education;however, you don't want them to take you providing them an educational future for granted.
This is tough.
Personally for me, I received scholarships with strenuous strings attached, ie maintaining a certain GPA and credit hours per semester. This made me work harder because I didn't want to take out loans in undergraduate school, plus I had a career goal to conquer.
I would have the same stipulations for my child, too, if I funded their education. I'll name it the 'Ju Ju' grant. Show and prove or don't show and lose.
We paid the university tuition for our children and they had to work or get loans for their living expenses. But that was it. We flat out were not going to pay for any weddings - and we don't buy birthday gifts for the kids - just a little something for Christmas.
Pay for two years of Community College, allow them to live at home rent free and expect them to get a part time job, save some money and pay for books. I'm assuming they have had some kind of allowance, a part time job after high school and they have some savings. If they complete the two years in two years, with decent grades, help them transfer to/complete the next two years at a four year school. Their degree will only indicate the 4 year school name. It will not mention that the first two years were done at a community college. And it will be a lot cheaper for everyone especially if they flunk out. Plus they'll have some work experience.
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