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Oh! And one more thing: She needs to learn that there is no quick fix for this situation. She helped get you guys into debt, she needs to help get you out! Show her this thread. She needs to understand that to make change a person needs to ACT. If she doesn't care about your health and well being that says a lot about the kind of person she is.
Maybe divorce would be the best option? I don't know much about it but I'm afraid that would cost you a lot in lawyers bills and if she hasn't been working she might try to collect alimony. I'm not sure if there's a way around that, you should check with someone. I'm sorry that you're in this situation.
basically she is coning herself which is very dangerous. What she doewsn't want to lose is the lifetstyle from spending. Its like gambling addiction . The ral danger to you is like being near a drowning man;most will take you down with them if they can grab you.
i hear you been there done that.
it is not true that the marriage is not working, its working for her.
soon if all continues the same-- she will be a widow also works well for her.
she is not concerned bek what she is doing is working great.
many are willing to die for their marriage, and many happy to accomodate them.
Exactly. The marriage is working perfectly for her. Until it's no longer working for her, there's no reason for her to change.
I'm not clear on something. Is your wife spending lots of money on the credit cards and that is why you are in debt? Or is it that you have a lot of debts and you want her to work to help pay them?Could you sell your house and move to a smaller one? How about having one credit card instead of 13? Sounds like you both need to sit down with someone and sort all this out first. That someone should be an experienced financial person, someone who can mediate the situation. There are many things your wife could do for work and still stay home with the kids, depending on how young your kids are. She could work at the school as a lunch aide or other type position. She could work weekends. Part time at a store, etc. Sell the kids clothes at consignment shops when they are done with them. Sell items on Ebay. Babysit other children. She is home anyway and she could watch a few kids and make good money every week. Every little thing adds up.I hope you are both able to work it out.
You do not want to divorce your wife so she must have some redeeming qualities - try to focus on those when she's driving you crazy waiving her magic get out of debt for free card.
Do you believe her when she says she wants to be home for the children and it's important to her or do you think she's using that as an excuse not to work? As you indicated, sometimes it is difficult for a woman to find a job and pay someone to take care of the children just to help make ends meet because often the expenses for childcare do not justify the job. I like your idea of having her take on a job with evening hours, or as another poster mentioned, taking care of children in your home. How old are your children? If they are school aged, then perhaps she could find something part time that would still allow her to be there for the kids and make some money without paying for childcare.
Is your wife continuing to spend money you don't have or has she at least come to the realization that the overspending needs to stop. If she has at least gotten this part of the message there's hope for her reaching the next step.
Maybe you could sell her on getting a job, full or part time, as a temporary situation that would end when you are out of debt. There may be a chance that after she begins working she actually likes being out of the home, at least part time. You could also ask her to attempt to get a job and if she absolutely hates it and thinks it's ruining the kids then you agree that she can quit. It's not the best scenario, but maybe it's a start.
Oh man. Sounds like finances are not the main problem here, you guys need some professional help. Seriously, find a counseling service or something. It ain't just about staying home, it is about not being on the same page at all...
Ironically she has a psychology degree. In any case, perhaps getting a weekend job for her might work. I know someone who works Friday/Sat/Sun nights for a restaurant that is busy during weekends. That's in addition to his weekday job, since he wants to support his family.
Of course this level of debt is very high, even if you do file bankruptcy, she must learn not to take it lightly.
Hopefully you've destroyed the credit cards, except 1 or 2 that you might need and you should control.
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