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Old 01-15-2010, 12:10 PM
 
1,975 posts, read 3,248,704 times
Reputation: 3234

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This is a great thread. These notes give us an inside peek to everyone's pets and their pets personalities. I had to come back and write another note because I feel awful for not including my sort of new additions to the family.

Dear Misty and Sheba,

I know your mommy died last month and you both miss her very much. She was my mom too, and I miss her too. I don't mean to upset you when I cry but I am very sad. I know I can never replace her but I will love you just as much as she did. I already loved you both so that won't be a problem. I just want you both to know I'll do my very best to keep you happy and content. We can comfort each other.

Your big sis,
Wendy
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Old 01-15-2010, 12:22 PM
 
Location: Kingman AZ
15,371 posts, read 34,590,866 times
Reputation: 9009
FOR THOSE OF
YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY. FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT IS A TRUE
STORY.

The following was found
posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear
Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle
of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish,
nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway
was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is
not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can
run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the
fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having
tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but
sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the
bathroom! If, by
some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the
edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I
entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline
attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me
first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this
enough.

Finally, in fairness,
dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front
door:


TO
ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR
PETS:

(1) They live here. You
don't.
(2) If you don't want
their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it
'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my
pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To
me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and
don't speak clearly.

Remember,
dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1)
eat less,
(2) don't ask for
money all the time,
(3) are
easier to train,
(4) normally
come when called,
(5) never
ask to drive the car,
(6) don't smoke or drink,
(7) don't want to wear your
clothes,
(8) don't have to buy
the latest fashions,
(9) don't
need a gazillion dollars for college and
(10) if they get
pregnant, you can sell their children ...
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Old 01-15-2010, 12:39 PM
 
Location: MichOhioigan
1,546 posts, read 2,530,219 times
Reputation: 1458
Dogs,

If you can read this note than you are capable of reading and probably typing. This means there is no reason for you not to apply for a job.
By getting a job you will not only be helping earn your keep but you will have a sense of purpose (keeping your couch weighed down is not a purpose) and you will burn some calories (something both of you need to do).
Plenty of dogs have jobs assisting humans in need, working security, sniffing for bombs, drugs, corpses, etc., pulling sleds, acting, and so on.
Get off your fat, furry butts and make something of yourselves!

Love,

Dad

p.s. Stop eating the poop-sicles in the backyard!
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Old 01-15-2010, 12:48 PM
 
Location: St. Louis, Missouri
9,352 posts, read 16,776,804 times
Reputation: 11458
dear dave:

Just because bailey has a particular bone does NOT make that particular bone ANY better than any of the others that are all over the house..... some of which i know you have buried in the sofas.....

let her chew on her bones in peace........ she does not steal your bones from you..... returning that favor would be much appreciated........

love,

mom
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Old 01-15-2010, 04:33 PM
 
5,019 posts, read 12,720,691 times
Reputation: 6982
Dear Fuzzhead (the cat),

While I applaud your grasp of the Laws of Thermodynamics (i.e. "Nature Abhors a Vacuum"), I would also appreciate it if you did not rush to fill the warm spot left in the bed when I get up to visit the bathroom in the middle of the night.

Thank-you,

Your Humble Human
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Old 01-15-2010, 04:54 PM
 
Location: Texas
15,886 posts, read 15,252,066 times
Reputation: 62652
Quote:
Originally Posted by ouijeewoman View Post
This is a great thread. These notes give us an inside peek to everyone's pets and their pets personalities. I had to come back and write another note because I feel awful for not including my sort of new additions to the family.

Dear Misty and Sheba,

I know your mommy died last month and you both miss her very much. She was my mom too, and I miss her too. I don't mean to upset you when I cry but I am very sad. I know I can never replace her but I will love you just as much as she did. I already loved you both so that won't be a problem. I just want you both to know I'll do my very best to keep you happy and content. We can comfort each other.

Your big sis,
Wendy
Oh Sweetie,

I'm so sorry for your loss but I'm so glad Misty and Sheba are with you.
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Old 01-16-2010, 10:49 AM
 
Location: I'm not lost, I'm exploring!
3,402 posts, read 12,212,019 times
Reputation: 5741
Dear Delilah, (alpha cat)
I know it's cold right now. I know nestling on top of the heating vent next to the toilet in the upstairs bathroom is "your new spot", but please please try to remember that in the middle of the night when visitors need to use the bathroom it's best to let them know you are in there in other inventive ways that don't include pawing at them once they sit down to use the facilities from behind. It's beginning to get hard to explain the human shrieking, and cat bellows, to the neighbors. And no. It stopped being funny after the first night! After all, you're not the one that has to clean up the mess!


Dear Cinders, (newest adoption arival kitty)
I know you love your new home. I know you love us. I know you love your new jingling pink little collar. Please feel free to wake me up by pouncing on my stomach any time you feel like it. I promise I'll never get tired of hearing your happy jingle-jingle on top of me in the morning, as long as you promise you'll never get tired of waking up with me.

Last but not least,

Dear Twix, (monster panther that stalks the hallways)
You know I love you! You know you're as black as midnight when all the lights are turned off, because you use this to your advantage against us food slaves Please don't go out of your way to make the hallway and kitchen floor an obstacle course once everyone's gone to bed, and I promise I'll go out of my way to not keep stepping on you on purpose!
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Old 01-16-2010, 08:39 PM
 
511 posts, read 1,978,732 times
Reputation: 743
Dear Riley Roo,

Thanks for being such a good dog! It means a lot to me that you are always by my side. I'm glad you enjoy going out for walks with me, it's the highlight of my day. I hope you like the new tennis balls I got you for playing with at the park. I'm so proud of you for always minding your manners around the other dogs. I have to let you in on a little secret though... It's OK if another dog wants to sniff your butt. He's just saying "hi", there's no need for you to sit on your tail! Oh yeah, and frizbees are toys, just like your tennis balls. They're not flying saucers comming to chace you, so there's no need to run from them. Actually, a lot of dogs find them to be very fun to catch & chew on!

I also want you to know that I'm very grateful you scared away that creepy man in the alleyway that one night. I always feel safer when you're with me! And Roo, it's awesome of you to lay so quietly while Zoe plays doctor with you & bandages your paws. You are so gentle with her, even if she accidently tugs your fur a bit too hard.

Thanks again Riley, for everything!
-Megan

PS- PLEASE... The next time you get all muddy at the dog park and come home smelling like a swamp monster and looking like the creature from the black lagoon, do NOT jump into Zoe's room and make yourself all comfy right in the middle of her bed.

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Old 01-18-2010, 07:44 AM
 
1,688 posts, read 6,884,939 times
Reputation: 1988
Dear Hester:

For the last and final time, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A BEDMOUSE.

Cease and desist from all bedmice attacks immediately.












Please.
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Old 01-18-2010, 08:36 AM
 
Location: Marion, IN
8,191 posts, read 28,056,975 times
Reputation: 7114
Quote:
Originally Posted by FiveHorses View Post
Dear Hester:

For the last and final time, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A BEDMOUSE.

Cease and desist from all bedmice attacks immediately.


Please.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha! We seem to have an infestation of those at my house........
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