Philly is depressing (Philadelphia, York, California: 2014, theater, school)

[DaughterOfZion]

Please note that this thread was started in 2014

I've lived in Philly for 9 months now & have not yet made any REAL friends. I am in beauty school & have tried to make friends there but with no luck.They sure as hell stare at me for 10 hours & aren't discreet about it but when I try to converse, they're short & don't include me in anything . If I'm walking past they avoid eye contact. On the streets, women stare like I'm not allowed to exist. I tried to strike up a convo with a girl my age at coffee shop but she was snippy. I know that could be a coincidence but add that to all the other crap I've gotten. Just today I was ordering food & this guy calls me a dark skin ***** & stares at me non-stop until I get my food. Then touches my arm as I leave. I screamed at him so loud. I would have taken him if I could. Seems as if people go out of their way to try to hurt me here. I broke down this evening because all my efforts get smashed in the dirt.of course the occasional bitter person is normal but I've never had it to where it's 90% of encounters! Everyone here has a chip on their shoulder. I know I'm generalizing but I could tell you many other experiences I've had just in these 9 months. I came here for a job but it was a mistake. Long rant I know, but when I tell ppl they say stupid sh#t like "it's all in your head" or "stop being conceited". Maybe I should just start being a *****. They seem to get respect.Anyone else experience this or am I really not allowed to exist?

[cattusbabe]

I'll bite. What other experiences have you had in the past 9 months?

[rotodome]

Happy New Year!

[toobusytoday]

I'd suggest attending a church if that's something that you are comfortable with and/or trying a meet up group in one of your interests. Philadelphia Meetup Groups - Meetup It's going to be a long winter if you don't make some changes to increase your chances of meeting new people. Good luck!

[Lenses & Lights.]

Originally Posted by DaughterOfZion

I've lived in Philly for 9 months now & have not yet made any REAL friends. I am in beauty school & have tried to make friends there but with no luck.They sure as hell stare at me for 10 hours & aren't discreet about it but when I try to converse, they're short & don't include me in anything . If I'm walking past they avoid eye contact. On the streets, women stare like I'm not allowed to exist. I tried to strike up a convo with a girl my age at coffee shop but she was snippy. I know that could be a coincidence but add that to all the other crap I've gotten. Just today I was ordering food & this guy calls me a dark skin ***** & stares at me non-stop until I get my food. Then touches my arm as I leave. I screamed at him so loud. I would have taken him if I could. Seems as if people go out of their way to try to hurt me here. I broke down this evening because all my efforts get smashed in the dirt.of course the occasional bitter person is normal but I've never had it to where it's 90% of encounters! Everyone here has a chip on their shoulder. I know I'm generalizing but I could tell you many other experiences I've had just in these 9 months. I came here for a job but it was a mistake. Long rant I know, but when I tell ppl they say stupid sh#t like "it's all in your head" or "stop being conceited". Maybe I should just start being a *****. They seem to get respect.Anyone else experience this or am I really not allowed to exist?

Okayyyyy....Sorry to hear that. So where did you originally reside? How great was it there? I mean were the people friendlier? Is this the normal routine on a daily basis since you've been there? I live in California and travel for work and to me it seems every region has it's intricacies in one area or another.

To that I say just give it some time, get out and try the arts (Galleries, Theaters, Museums, etc or even the martial arts. (lol) You'll be fine.

[Clark Park]

Although I was not born nor raised here in Philly I admit I love it above all other places and will live the rest of my life here. I take great pride in the City Of Brotherly Love and love showing out-of-towners around when they visit me.

Having said that, I will admit that Philly is NOT a friendly city.

[Duderino]

Originally Posted by Clark Park

Having said that, I will admit that Philly is NOT a friendly city.

I think discussions of friendliness are extremely relative. It seems to me that there is a distinctive Northeastern trait (similar to New York and Boston) to be a bit brash and curt on the surface -- particularly to people from other parts of the country. However, my experience is that there is a strong authenticity to people in Philly that is not as common in other areas. Once you break down the "attytude" with a lot of people, you will have loyal friends for life.

To the OP, I agree that seeking out other venues for meeting people would be helpful. It can be very depressing and alienating to not feel accepted when you move to a new place -- and it does sound like you've had more negative experiences than most. A meetup group that specifically links-up other newcomers (of which there are plenty) seems like it would be right up your alley. It can sometimes take a matter of a couple years before a place feels like home.

Good luck.

[motherofpearls]

Originally Posted by DaughterOfZion

Anyone else experience this or am I really not allowed to exist?

Hi there, NO you are not alone. Same goes for suburbs. Making NEW friends in PA is equivalent of becoming a ballerina at age 90 lol. Some keep advising newcomers to "join a church" as means of making friends but not everyone is into religion and not everyone who is into religion is into making new friends. Try meetup.

[Whatdoesthefoxsay65]

Originally Posted by DaughterOfZion

I've lived in Philly for 9 months now & have not yet made any REAL friends. I am in beauty school & have tried to make friends there but with no luck.They sure as hell stare at me for 10 hours & aren't discreet about it but when I try to converse, they're short & don't include me in anything . If I'm walking past they avoid eye contact. On the streets, women stare like I'm not allowed to exist. I tried to strike up a convo with a girl my age at coffee shop but she was snippy. I know that could be a coincidence but add that to all the other crap I've gotten. Just today I was ordering food & this guy calls me a dark skin ***** & stares at me non-stop until I get my food. Then touches my arm as I leave. I screamed at him so loud. I would have taken him if I could. Seems as if people go out of their way to try to hurt me here. I broke down this evening because all my efforts get smashed in the dirt.of course the occasional bitter person is normal but I've never had it to where it's 90% of encounters! Everyone here has a chip on their shoulder. I know I'm generalizing but I could tell you many other experiences I've had just in these 9 months. I came here for a job but it was a mistake. Long rant I know, but when I tell ppl they say stupid sh#t like "it's all in your head" or "stop being conceited". Maybe I should just start being a *****. They seem to get respect.Anyone else experience this or am I really not allowed to exist?

I so agree. I've been specifically targeted in this city many times by random people in public hurling ignorant comments at me. I've been in a lot of cities, but Philly is the only one where I have had people actually seek out and insult me. I've been called homeless twice, been stared down by white Temple girls with that "I'm so better than you" look, and have had someone call me a "fat-### with big tittes" while walking down the street once. Yeah, the people here are nice, but the mean ones really need to have a reality check and know that not every ignorant thought that crosses your small mind should be said.

[pman]

Originally Posted by Clark Park

...
Having said that, I will admit that Philly is NOT a friendly city.

I'll bite, as opposed to?