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Old 11-25-2012, 09:09 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,810,812 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HoodsofATL View Post
You're suppose to take on all of these challenges in order for you to move forward, all that extra baggage internally will express itself externally to appear itself to you and for you to deal with it. Either a) you're thinking negatively for whatever reason or b) you've had to deal with this in this or a past lifetime and haven't or c) a mix of both. Most likely a mixture of both (she's a relative, karmic relationships are real). Confront her, and deal with the issue not the person and see why she has so much dislike towards you, stand strong but don't be stiff, you've already shown that you're flexible.
She tells me why she dislikes me, but it is twisted . . .(accuses me of horrible actions, motives, etc.) . . . I have tried to be respectful and only recently have become very resentful because she won't stop and I am getting worn out . . .

After the heater incident, she said that her Thanksgiving had officially been ruined (which is an old manipulation she uses). I said that no, it hadn't - that she had had a good day and could continue to have a good evening. I just honestly don't know what I am supposed to be learning, other than "some people are mean jerks with issues."
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Old 11-25-2012, 09:39 PM
 
802 posts, read 932,987 times
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In that case it's mostly karmic dealings, the funny thing is, the problem is gonna show itself in little ways, you gotta decipher em and catch it, does she have any resentment towards you because of accomplishments you had in the past? Or anything to that nature or it could be misplaced hate. You gotta grasp the deeper picture and read between the lines, its not there for no reason, dealing with this with her will help both of you out in the long run, trust and peace.
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Old 11-25-2012, 09:45 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,810,812 times
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She was very jealous of me for some reason (she has mentioned looks and also my relationship with someone). She has never acknowledged any of my accomplishments.

I just don't know what I am supposed to be doing differently - I don't think I am learning much and it concerns me.
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Old 11-25-2012, 10:17 PM
 
5,128 posts, read 5,813,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
I just honestly don't know what I am supposed to be learning, other than "some people are mean jerks with issues."
There ya go.

Maybe you are meant to be the giant STOP SIGN she needs. Tell her she needs therapy. Tell her to knock it off, or you will disappear.
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Old 11-25-2012, 10:22 PM
 
Location: Under the Redwoods
3,748 posts, read 6,117,627 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
She was very jealous of me for some reason (she has mentioned looks and also my relationship with someone). She has never acknowledged any of my accomplishments.

I just don't know what I am supposed to be doing differently - I don't think I am learning much and it concerns me.
You know your accomplishments, that's all that matters. Unless you -need- her for validation, then anything she does should have no effect on you. What you feel from her responses and reactions is the lesson here.
Be thick skinned. She has established that she is not a thoughtful and considerate person and because of that any opinion she has of you is not valued. Don't take anything she says to heart, at all.
It's not your responsibility to change her. You can choose to state your position but only if you are prepared for what response you will get. If you think you may get worked up in a bad way, keep your thoughts to yourself.
With a thick skin, it won't matter what she says to you or about you. This will keep you on track and on the vibration.

You don't need her, for anything. Know this and stop looking for any sort of acceptance or acknowledgement from her.

When you have to be in her company, don't challenge her or any of her nonsense. Fine, the weather is gloomy...that's her reality, let her live in it.
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Old 11-25-2012, 10:58 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,810,812 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OwlKaMyst View Post
You know your accomplishments, that's all that matters. Unless you -need- her for validation, then anything she does should have no effect on you. What you feel from her responses and reactions is the lesson here.
Be thick skinned. She has established that she is not a thoughtful and considerate person and because of that any opinion she has of you is not valued. Don't take anything she says to heart, at all.
It's not your responsibility to change her. You can choose to state your position but only if you are prepared for what response you will get. If you think you may get worked up in a bad way, keep your thoughts to yourself.
With a thick skin, it won't matter what she says to you or about you. This will keep you on track and on the vibration.

You don't need her, for anything. Know this and stop looking for any sort of acceptance or acknowledgement from her.

When you have to be in her company, don't challenge her or any of her nonsense. Fine, the weather is gloomy...that's her reality, let her live in it.
I am "highly sensitive" - I think your advice is good - I do tend to want the validation that is never forthcoming . . .

When I try to develop a thick skin, sometimes I over-compensate and close my heart chakra and that's not good either. It's finding the balance that is so difficult for me. I want to have compassion and keep my heart open and be kind - I don't want to be a cold, mean jerk myself.

I feel like I should spend days in preparation of being around her - preparing for battle but not battling but instead deflecting . . .

Also, keeping my guard up makes it difficult when she actually says something neutral or on the positive side . . . I feel she can't be trusted, so it's hard to be genuinely nice to her.


Last edited by imcurious; 11-25-2012 at 11:28 PM..
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Old 11-25-2012, 11:26 PM
 
Location: PRC
2,904 posts, read 3,197,700 times
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One wise old friend once said to me that if you are having problems with someone, you picture them in your mind and say to yourself in your head - as if you were speaking to them.... "I salute the spark of God within you" You say this 3x, and then next time you meet them watch to see what changes have happened. Neither she was nor I am religious in any way. (apart from believing in a force outside of ourselves)

This saying acknowledges that we are all one and connected and that the other person is really only lovingly reflecting back to you, the things which you need to be aware of, for your own spiritual growth and learning.

As others have said, it is ALL going on in your mind, and it is how YOU react and which of YOUR emotional trigger buttons are being pressed by the other person. Once you get control over yourself and your emotions (anger, resentment, frustration, hate, etc) and once you stop reacting to the situation, THEN it will get better.

We always have a choice whether to engage with others who do not 'mesh' with us. Think about it - a heaven cannot exist for us with beings who are not compatible (energy-wise) with us, so why beat ourselves with a stick and force ourselves to be with these same people? Maybe you just agree to not have anything to do with each other if you are both so incompatible.

However, this learning experience will come up for you in a different guise and in a different circumstance until you learn the lesson gift you are being offered. You can choose to ignore it or you can choose to grow spiritually by understanding the lesson you are supposed to learn from this situation. Be grateful, because many people keep being given the same lesson over and over again and they STILL dont see the point of it all.

Other people are just mirrors to our issues we need to address.

Reading a bit more of this thread, I have one more thing. You could always just sit down with her and say that this situation is getting you both down and maybe you need a break from each other? See what happens, but by actually addressing the real issue head on, you may find some movement.

We are taught from our religious upbringing that we "should' do things, but who is this authority figure which tells us we "should' do this/that? It is only our own guilt (which is unhealthy anyway) which forces us to do the things we dont want to do. I reckon, eventually when we get upstairs and sit on a cloud.... we will want to help everyone - even the most difficult people.

Read Jonathan Livingstone Seagull by Richard Bach. Excellent book and can be read in an evening too.
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Old 11-25-2012, 11:56 PM
 
Location: TOVCCA
8,452 posts, read 11,357,104 times
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I sense that you may have fallen into a common spiritual trap. It's spiritual pride.

In a subtle, egoic way, you may think you are spiritually superior to this person, and on a vibrational level, she feels it. Her ego then acts out, to get an all-too-human response from you. If you were all love, there would be no buttons in you to push.

On the other hand, don't browbeat yourself for not being a saint. She dumped on you. Interesting book you may enjoy:

About the Law of the Garbage Truck
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Old 11-26-2012, 08:47 AM
 
6,474 posts, read 10,373,338 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ElysianEagle View Post
i used to be into the new age stuff but no longer give it any heed. too much of it seems like it's just pandering, telling people all the things they long to hear in order to feel hopeful about life and give them a sense of purpose.
Me too. I was into it years before Oprah put THE SECRET out there for everyone. It changed with HER people. It was like you couldn't think negativity AT ALL or you would attract it.

In the old school books I used to read they said it was to do this. If you didn't get what it was you wanted there was a REASON why you didn't. It either wasn't for you at the time (or at all) or there was something BETTER waiting for you. I believe this.

THE SECRET and all these other new age clowns have everyone confused. They're trying their best to NEVER think negative, but that's literally impossible when you live on the planet earth. What if the military never had a plan B or C when engaging in battle?

Yes, it's wonderful to believe you will WIN, but you have to have a secondary plan in place in case things aren't going the way you want it to.

The OP needs to DISTANCE herself from this negative woman she feels "obligated" to. You're not obligated to ANYONE, except your kids and that's only up until the age of 18.
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Old 11-26-2012, 09:26 AM
 
6,474 posts, read 10,373,338 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
I don't know how that helps my situation, but thanks for sharing.

I tried to give context regarding my beliefs . . .I realize they are not mainstream beliefs, but maybe someone who understands the dynamic I am attempting to explain will come along - or not . . .
You have to let this negative woman go for your OWN sanity and mental well-being.

OR you can just ignore her when she says stuff. There are people in this world who are just miserable and will remain that way no matter what you do. She's in her twilight years now and she is who she is and will ALWAYS be.

I do believe in metaphysical teachings, but the OLD SCHOOL version NOT what these new people are talking about.

What serves my life and keeps me mentally together is to realize that I cannot change people. I have to accept them for WHO they are and leave it alone. If I'm uncomfortable with them or their lifestyle, I will keep them at a distance or cut them off entirely. I read this in an old school book.

Believe me, it works. I don't mind people telling me about the negative things going on in their lives. It's only the things that they can "control" that bothers me. If you're with a man that makes you miserable, then either accept it or leave. It's easy to do, but I do believe some folks just like drama in their lives and just want you to be a sounding board for their nonsense.
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