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Old 06-20-2013, 07:54 AM
 
Location: Gettysburg, PA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kayanne View Post
And here is my struggle in all of that: because it truly feels that it was "a different person" who did those past actions, I, for the most part, no longer hold them against "me." The person I NOW am did not do those things; it's as if it were someone else, so in that regard I have at least partially forgiven myself and have become a better person because/in spite of those experiences.
I don't hold the things I did when I was how I was before against me because I did not have the moral standards that I do now; it was as though I did not know they were wrong (which, in society still makes you guilty, but thankfully in my mind I do not see myself as any society).


Quote:
Originally Posted by kayanne View Post
BUT, certain people who were once very close to me, still hold those actions against me, and will probably never forgive me. We are estranged; they have no interest or willingness to meet and know the "new and improved" me.
I don't know that I'm much "improved" from the way I was before. I'm more conservative, and that probably makes me a lot worse in the eyes of liberals. One thing I can't understand about some liberals is that some seem not to understand how close-minded they are when they believe they are being open-minded (probably most are not this way thankfully). I'm having this problem with what seems to be a liberal at work. They seem to take fault in me for what I believe when it is just the way I want to be. I do not push my beliefs on anyone else, just wish to be able to make the choices I do (which does not involve anyone there that does not wish to be involved) and live peacefully; I wish they would not push their beliefs one me.


Quote:
Originally Posted by kayanne View Post
That dichotomy is hard for me to wrap my brain around. Yes, I know that I remain accountable for my past mistakes. But it's hard to completely forgive myself when others cannot or do not forgive me. To them, I am the same "screw up" that they knew many years ago. I feel like someone who smashed Grandmother's favorite vase on the floor when I was 5 years old, and that's all I'll ever be to some people.
It is in some people's natures to be unable to forgive. I know I have to live with the repercussions of how I have lived. I don't know if you are religious, but for me, I chose to live outside of God's law for some time; thankfully, through Christ all can be forgiven so I do not have that guilt upon me, but it seems that much of society is not so forgiving.

I also feel so incredibly fortunate that when I did live rather "wildly" according to my point of view now, that I did so while remaining childless. While it is sad that I do not feel the same way as I did regarding the person with whom I had a long, ten-year relationship, I feel that over the years we had been growing apart. Yet he is such a nice, good person, so I feel guilty that he had to be caught up in all this; I'll not be able to get over having to take myself out of his life when it seems that he still wants to hold on to a dead relationship.

It is nice to be able to share this with someone who has had a similar experience. It is sad that it seems you have gotten a lot more scrapes from it because of some unkind people (though that certainly can still be what might come for me); I hope that their hearts may be changed so that they can be more forgiving to you.

Some people seem not to understand that what has happened in our pasts has made us who we are today; for whatever reason, you may have had to go through what you had to in order to get to where you are today. That's how it was for me--I have never felt the way I do now, though some might think I am merely "going back" to how I was before. Goodness, the thought of going back to being that "other" person horrifies me (she certainly looked pretty--at least, according to others--and I wouldn't mind looking that way again, but interiorly: definitely want no part of; and I suppose an exterior sacrifice is worth the peace and acceptance I feel inside me now).

Last edited by Basiliximab; 06-20-2013 at 08:12 AM..
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Old 06-20-2013, 09:14 AM
 
588 posts, read 803,405 times
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I don't think it's odd to find you're a different person than you were in the past. Not at all! And I know people who have changed (some for the better, others for the worst), so you're not alone.
As for me, I am the same person (personality & beliefs) as I was before; the only thing that has changed is my naiveté. Definitely took off the rose-colored glasses about a decade ago.
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Old 06-20-2013, 11:05 AM
 
5,387 posts, read 6,502,215 times
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I'm still the same core person today that I was when I was 18...28...and currently, in my early-30's. Nothing or hardly anything at all has changed
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Old 06-20-2013, 03:50 PM
 
588 posts, read 803,405 times
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Mmmhmmm! It is possible.
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Old 06-20-2013, 05:28 PM
 
Location: California
30,513 posts, read 33,335,622 times
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I am always me but my ideas have changed and will probably continue to change with experience. I did not have all the answers at age 18...who knew? A person would have to be in a coma to say otherwise.
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Old 06-20-2013, 09:42 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 60,482,869 times
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My basic self and basic outlook are still the same. I think I'm pretty much steadfast. The only thing is that I've become more tolerant of kids than I was when I was a kid.
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Old 06-20-2013, 10:34 PM
 
Location: Milwaukee
1,999 posts, read 1,982,892 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AllenSJC View Post
Yes and no. This is not really an either/or question, IMHO.
I can agree with this. Albeit significant or very traumatic experiences can change a person.

To draw upon fiction and a story with morals, I've identified with Frodo in many ways in the last scenes of the last movie.


LOTR The Return of the King - The Journey to the Grey Havens - YouTube
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Old 06-28-2013, 02:33 PM
 
12,873 posts, read 15,357,571 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009 View Post
I'm still the same core person today that I was when I was 18...28...and currently, in my early-30's. Nothing or hardly anything at all has changed
Same here...except for the "early-30's" part.
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Old 06-28-2013, 02:37 PM
 
Location: Cloudston, Derbyshire, England
1,032 posts, read 896,462 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kayanne View Post
When I look back on my 5 decades of life, it's like I am looking at the lives of several different people. My pendulum has swung from one extreme to another (in terms of politics, religious views, opinions on various topics, etc.) before settling in a nice, moderate middle ground. I have done things in the past that I cannot even fathom now, (nothing criminal!), things that would completely violate the morals I hold now. In looking back at some things I've done, things which still cause guilt and regret, it really feels like it was "someone else" who did those things.

Yet I know other people who "seem" so steadfast. Who they were as a teen, young adult, middle ager, they've basically been the same person, just grown in maturity and life experiences.

Is it odd for a person to go through such tremendous changes, to feel like a completely different person than who s/he was in the past?
I've always felt like the same person, but a personality who's become more refined and mature through the years. Sure when I was younger and more foolish I did things which I would consider immoral now, usually to do with having a quick temper. However I have learned to "temper" my temper over the years and be more easy going.
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Old 06-28-2013, 11:11 PM
 
354 posts, read 245,409 times
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Quote:
Have you always been the "same person"?
Well, it's highly unlikely much of the matter that constitutes my present body is the same as it was even 10-years-ago. From that standpoint no.

Have I always been the same person ideologically? No. For instance, I once believed guns were cool and a society that enacted the death penalty was fine and dandy. I've radically changed my mind on these things. I don't even like the idea of punitive justice any longer. That probably went out with what I thought was a god belief. Not sure now, if I ever really had one of those.
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