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Old 07-21-2013, 12:38 PM
 
Location: USA
1,589 posts, read 1,732,075 times
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I think that watching movies affects many of my decisions. I watch what people do, how they lie and cheat and it's making me cautious. I watch how some find happiness in small things and I gain a new perspective. I get inspired and/or depressed, depending on the movie/show.

Here is the MOST common theme that I saw in most shows/movies: mothers labor a lot for their kids, kids don't appreciate anything, grow up and leave their parents and don't really want to visit or have much to do with them afterwards. Mothers end up sacrificing too much for their kids for no return at the end. Mothers end up suffering even at the end, because they are missing their kids. So, after watching this stuff day in and day out, I decided to do things differently, to not put myself into a bad situation like that.

I am curious if anyone else was affected by watching movies as far as their decisions?
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Old 07-21-2013, 04:53 PM
 
Location: San Marcos, TX
2,572 posts, read 6,569,763 times
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Drama, heartache, the extremes.. that's what sells movies. That's what makes TV shows popular. Not the norm, not the mundane, the everyday.

So no, I don't let movies affect my decisions. If I did, I'd never trust anyone and have a much more negative view of humanity than I already do (and it'd be hard to beat my current view, lol)... plus I'd expect happy endings for everything and all injustices to be reversed and "made right".
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Old 07-21-2013, 06:44 PM
 
Location: Where I'm At
582 posts, read 936,477 times
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Absolutely. I joined the Army because I loved the movie Private Benjamin (with Goldie Hawn and Armand Assante: Private Benjamin (1980) Trailer - YouTube; Armand Assante was as sexy as all get out!). When I got to basic training I learned that one other girl in my platoon had joined the Army because of Private Benjamin, too.

We had a good laugh about it. We'd both made a major life decision based on a frickin' movie a comedy, no less . The movie made the Army seem scary, interesting, funny, challenging, empowering, sexy, and romantic all at the same time, and I have to admit that the Army was indeed all of those things and then some.

As far as seeing a movie that made me not want kids, I didn't need a movie for that because being around real kids and listening to my intuition made me not want kids. I prefer animals to children. Besides, not all women are meant to be mothers. Some of us are meant to be Awesome Aunts !
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Old 07-22-2013, 02:29 AM
 
Location: Central Bay Area, CA as of Jan 2010...but still a proud Texan from Houston!
7,484 posts, read 8,697,074 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clevergirl05 View Post
As far as seeing a movie that made me not want kids, I didn't need a movie for that because being around real kids and listening to my intuition made me not want kids. I prefer animals to children. Besides, not all women are meant to be mothers. Some of us are meant to be Awesome Aunts !
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Old 07-22-2013, 07:11 AM
 
Location: Northeastern US
14,191 posts, read 9,077,440 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveWisdom View Post
Here is the MOST common theme that I saw in most shows/movies: mothers labor a lot for their kids, kids don't appreciate anything, grow up and leave their parents and don't really want to visit or have much to do with them afterwards. Mothers end up sacrificing too much for their kids for no return at the end. Mothers end up suffering even at the end, because they are missing their kids. So, after watching this stuff day in and day out, I decided to do things differently, to not put myself into a bad situation like that.
I disagree with the poster who said everything in movies is extremes. What you outline above is mundane, it's so common, in fact it's nearly a cliche in movies for precisely that reason. I believe both I and my wife were very good parents to our respective children and we both largely ended up with the smelly brown stuff after sacrificing too much. Parenting is not without its rewards, but not without its heartaches, either. In our most honest moments, if we had it to do over again, we wouldn't have bothered.

Of course our children form us, too, so we wouldn't be the people we are now, either, so it's hard to be sure what the outcomes would have / should have / might have been. When it comes to things like marriage and children, you can't be sure what you're missing unless you experience it. Ultimately people marry and have children largely because of the fear that they'll miss out on something extraordinary. Both the role of spouse and parent promise so very much, and are driven by such primal forces, that it's easy for hope to triumph over experience. That's why every youth thinks their marriage will be different from the mundane and possibly loveless marriage of their parents, that they will not make the clueless mistakes their lame parents did in raising their own kids, etc.

So it goes ... something has to move the human condition along, and if we all really understood at the beginning what we face, we'd never begin.
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Old 07-22-2013, 09:58 PM
 
10,525 posts, read 15,573,695 times
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We apparently in some sort of "to have or not to have" binge, threads popping on this one by one

An is there an event in your life that has made you never want children?
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Old 07-22-2013, 10:03 PM
 
10,525 posts, read 15,573,695 times
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Why do you want to have kids?
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Old 07-27-2013, 11:22 PM
 
Location: USA
1,589 posts, read 1,732,075 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ukrkoz View Post
There are a few reasons that I can think of which make people have kids.

1) kids elicit certain feelings (bond, attachments) and they want that
(like I want a kitten for example, because they are so cute and I am anticipating the attachment and the times we would have together)
2) social pressures, you are a bad person if you don't agree to have a kid

3) accidental kids

4) some just like to have someone to control and command, to mold in their image, to teach

5) some maybe want to ensure they have someone who will take care of them when they are old (my grandparents gave me that reason)

6) some just like to play with kids, it's fun for them
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Old 08-06-2013, 12:07 AM
 
Location: Florida
5,965 posts, read 5,758,355 times
Reputation: 1590
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveWisdom View Post
I think that watching movies affects many of my decisions. I watch what people do, how they lie and cheat and it's making me cautious. I watch how some find happiness in small things and I gain a new perspective. I get inspired and/or depressed, depending on the movie/show.

Here is the MOST common theme that I saw in most shows/movies: mothers labor a lot for their kids, kids don't appreciate anything, grow up and leave their parents and don't really want to visit or have much to do with them afterwards. Mothers end up sacrificing too much for their kids for no return at the end. Mothers end up suffering even at the end, because they are missing their kids. So, after watching this stuff day in and day out, I decided to do things differently, to not put myself into a bad situation like that.

I am curious if anyone else was affected by watching movies as far as their decisions?
I agree with you that women sacrifice a lot in their role as mothers. I married in 1983 and did go on to have four children. I felt a maternal urge/ desire to have them. I am not sure where that came from - if it was innate or if it was planted in me by the societal expectations of my generation. I just always thought having a family was the main thing life was about. Perhaps I was wrong. My kids are grown and the two oldest rarely call me or chat with me on-line. They're rather cold. I don't know why. I worry that I didn't raise them well and I worry about their mental and emotional well-being. Perhaps they care about me too, but don't express it. I don't call them because I do not want to bother them. It does make me sad. I have a 3rd daughter who lives locally who is extremely warm and loving and comes by to see me regularly. I have been thinking about this issue of the grown child/ parent relationship a lot recently because my last child, only son is moving away to college in 2 weeks and he is already unappreciative in many ways and sometimes disrespectful. For example he resents being asked to do anything around the home on any regular basis. Kids seem to feel that parents owe them -- at least three of my kids do. I never felt my parents owed me anything but love and the basics of life. I never expected my mother to struggle to pay for my college. A lot of kids expect that now.
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Old 08-06-2013, 12:14 AM
 
Location: Florida
5,965 posts, read 5,758,355 times
Reputation: 1590
Quote:
Originally Posted by mordant View Post
I disagree with the poster who said everything in movies is extremes. What you outline above is mundane, it's so common, in fact it's nearly a cliche in movies for precisely that reason. I believe both I and my wife were very good parents to our respective children and we both largely ended up with the smelly brown stuff after sacrificing too much. Parenting is not without its rewards, but not without its heartaches, either. In our most honest moments, if we had it to do over again, we wouldn't have bothered.

Of course our children form us, too, so we wouldn't be the people we are now, either, so it's hard to be sure what the outcomes would have / should have / might have been. When it comes to things like marriage and children, you can't be sure what you're missing unless you experience it. Ultimately people marry and have children largely because of the fear that they'll miss out on something extraordinary. Both the role of spouse and parent promise so very much, and are driven by such primal forces, that it's easy for hope to triumph over experience. That's why every youth thinks their marriage will be different from the mundane and possibly loveless marriage of their parents, that they will not make the clueless mistakes their lame parents did in raising their own kids, etc.

So it goes ... something has to move the human condition along, and if we all really understood at the beginning what we face, we'd never begin.
A really great and ruggedly honest post. I think my husband and I agree about the "Was it worth it" question. At least we can identify with each other on that note. We have solidarity together in our understanding that raising four children was a pain in the ass and that the kids don't seem very concerned with including us in their lives now that they are twenty something. What a raw deal!
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