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Old 08-25-2013, 03:30 PM
 
Location: Northeastern US
14,197 posts, read 9,085,887 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Omatic View Post
Now that I think about it, I was bullied in MIDDLE SCHOOL because I was a virgin. Happened in 7th grade. And that was in 7th-8th grade, 5-6 years ago. Think about how bad it is now.
If it hadn't been that, it would have been something else. Middle school is all ABOUT bullying, cliques and pecking orders and misguided notions of "fitting in". The reason doesn't really matter. I wouldn't want to go through it again.

But seriously, I salute you for being aware and making a smart decision. It is unfair that our bodies are ready to boogie well before we are emotionally and economically ready to take on all that sexual intimacy implies. A side effect, in part, of living in the 21st century, I guess. There is plenty of time, as you've figured out, for experimenting with intimate relationships and eventually committing to one. It's going to take you at least another four if not eight or ten years to complete a modern higher education and be ready to function fully in the workplace, so there is no rush. In the meantime, enjoy your life! You'll know when you're ready.
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Old 08-26-2013, 11:08 AM
 
5,385 posts, read 6,528,678 times
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Originally Posted by mordant View Post
If it hadn't been that, it would have been something else. Middle school is all ABOUT bullying, cliques and pecking orders and misguided notions of "fitting in". The reason doesn't really matter. I wouldn't want to go through it again.
I was bullied extensively in middle school as well. However, just accepting it as something that is unchangeable and inevitable only makes and allows for a cruel injustice to persist, over time. Instead of looking at middle school bullying as something that we as a society can't change, we could take real and practical steps towards eliminating bullying entirely. It has never ceased to amaze me why more people haven't already pressed for this, years and even decades ago, in a very concrete and practical manner.

Quote:
But seriously, I salute you for being aware and making a smart decision. It is unfair that our bodies are ready to boogie well before we are emotionally and economically ready to take on all that sexual intimacy implies. A side effect, in part, of living in the 21st century, I guess. There is plenty of time, as you've figured out, for experimenting with intimate relationships and eventually committing to one. It's going to take you at least another four if not eight or ten years to complete a modern higher education and be ready to function fully in the workplace, so there is no rush. In the meantime, enjoy your life! You'll know when you're ready.
(Referring to bolded selections above.) This is very to similar what I was trying to emphasize earlier (the quoted portion about age-specific human biological development). It is textbook example A of why the average age of marriage and/or forming long-term relationships should be specifically lowered, not raised -- as raising it and continuing to raise it represents cruel and unusual punishment to young 18+ people. Sometimes I think that modern society should seriously start a national movement to lower the average marriage age -- call it "age parity", "marriage age equality", "marriage now, not 12 years from now!", or something similar.

I am personally not LDS, but a lot of times I think LDS got it exactly right, and hit the nail on the head, when it comes to marriage age. LDS members marry significantly younger than the average marriage age, and put their focus on long-term relationships and marriage for their congregation members, from the beginning and from a very early age. (Again, for the record though, I am *not* LDS, I am just citing one thing about their culture that I happen to think is especially good and beneficial.)
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Old 08-27-2013, 06:34 PM
 
Location: Northeastern US
14,197 posts, read 9,085,887 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009 View Post
I was bullied extensively in middle school as well. However, just accepting it as something that is unchangeable and inevitable only makes and allows for a cruel injustice to persist, over time. Instead of looking at middle school bullying as something that we as a society can't change, we could take real and practical steps towards eliminating bullying entirely. It has never ceased to amaze me why more people haven't already pressed for this, years and even decades ago, in a very concrete and practical manner.
I never said it's something that can't or shouldn't be changed. I even said I wouldn't want to go through it again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009 View Post
This is very to similar what I was trying to emphasize earlier (the quoted portion about age-specific human biological development). It is textbook example A of why the average age of marriage and/or forming long-term relationships should be specifically lowered, not raised -- as raising it and continuing to raise it represents cruel and unusual punishment to young 18+ people. Sometimes I think that modern society should seriously start a national movement to lower the average marriage age -- call it "age parity", "marriage age equality", "marriage now, not 12 years from now!", or something similar.
I dunno, it's not that simple. This is the 21st century, and the highly technological society we live in requires longer and longer and more and more intense college level education; more and more professions pretty much demand post-grad work as well. There is a lot to be said for focusing on education and not trying to start a family until you have established your earning power, meaning, not just finish your education but likely your first few years of employment. It is pretty hard to do anything else in the meantime.

Of course I realize a serious / intimate / exclusive relationship or outright marriage is not the same thing as starting a family, but too many people will go ahead and do so anyway because it's such a primal urge ("Having mah bay-buh! What a wunderful way to say how much yuh luv meh!")

What I think happens in practice is that college kids are not at all deprived. They get their sexual needs met without locking themselves in before they are ready to think through long term commitments.
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Old 08-27-2013, 07:32 PM
 
Location: Kansas
19,185 posts, read 15,027,476 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009 View Post
IDK, the article seemed kinda creepy, to me...why the father's strange fixation on his daughter's intimate life? It also seemed to be strongly promoting a "Casual physical relations, FWB, and ONS are a good thing" POV...

ETA: FWIW, when I first went to college, my parent actually bought me a box of condoms, which shocked me at the time because they were always previously so socially-conservative, when it came to those sorts of things. I never had to use the condoms at all though, because I am personally strongly against casual physical intercourse, as a rule for myself (I'm not judging others who believe differently, though...it's just not right for me). For me, intercourse without love and devotion and a marriage-intended commitment are not "fun", but rather a train-wreck disaster and an emotional heartbreak waiting to happen. For me, I need a certain sense of permanency and that something is going to last for the long haul (i.e., either marriage or an engagement going directly toward marriage) before I can even seriously consider full intimacy...
I agree with the quoted post. Good grief, I hope my dad wasn't thinking about my sex life at any time in my life! I'm sure he wasn't. I had a son and I made a point of telling him "Sex isn't to DIE for." And discussing STDs with him so that he understood what I was talking about. Casual sex is not something anyone in our family has engaged in so I obviously think this guy is crackpot.
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Old 08-27-2013, 07:56 PM
 
Location: Northeastern US
14,197 posts, read 9,085,887 times
Reputation: 6081
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnywhereElse View Post
I agree with the quoted post. Good grief, I hope my dad wasn't thinking about my sex life at any time in my life! I'm sure he wasn't. I had a son and I made a point of telling him "Sex isn't to DIE for." And discussing STDs with him so that he understood what I was talking about. Casual sex is not something anyone in our family has engaged in so I obviously think this guy is crackpot.
I don't think the guy is a crackpot or that he's endorsing wanton casual rutting. He's just way more pragmatic than you're willing to be.

I didn't give my daughter any sage advice about sex because I never really figured it out properly for myself and she would have just gone ahead and done whatever she wanted anyway. But if I had grown up with healthier attitudes towards sex and had the right sort of father / daughter bond, I would have said something very similar to what this guy says.

A better example might be my wife and stepdaughter. My wife never tried to control or manage her daughter's love life. My wife projected to her daughter, an expectation of personal responsibility. Her daughter had a 2 or 3 boyfriends in high school, and did some limited canoodling with a couple of them, but we were comfortable leaving her home alone in front of the TV with her boyfriend. Going on 20 now and in her 2nd year of college we're pretty sure she's still a virgin by choice (my wife claims she would somehow magically "know", which I don't particularly buy, but her daughter is way too focused on academics and has favored running in packs with her girlfriends, and she gets straight A's with double majors and double minors, so I agree with my wife just on the basis that her daughter doesn't have time or energy for sex -- she might as well get practice for feeling that way anyhow, y'know, for later, when she's married).

At any rate, white-knuckle terror of What Might Happen has never made a meaningful difference in the sexual experience of our kids, so my tendency is to provide matter of fact sex education, urge them to abstain but if not to use protection, and keep the lines of communication open as much as the little buggers will let you.
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