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Old 08-14-2013, 07:38 AM
 
Location: NYC
2,428 posts, read 3,364,523 times
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what a refreshing change from the neanderthal crap that is normally touted as a father's role in his daughter's relationships
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Old 08-14-2013, 08:18 AM
 
5,385 posts, read 6,528,678 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Interseting that you see a fixation. " I don’t want to hear about the fine details because, heck, I don’t want those visuals any more than my daughter wants mine. "
Aside from parents having an appropriate "birds and the bees" discussion with their children regarding how human reproduction works, I guess I just don't see why the father should have to concern himself or try to influence his daughter, either way, regarding this subject. It just seems kinda taboo, in a certain sense...

Quote:
You contend that it is a bad thing? Do you ASSUME it is a bad thing?
People are free to do whatever it is that makes them happy of course, but you will never see me saying that casual physical relations are a good thing -- because I don't believe it's emotionally healthy or beneficial to the participants involved. That would be like saying "pump and dump" is OK, to put it in a less-euphemistic way. It surprises me that more people are not alarmed and seriously unhappy with the recent attempts by society to promote things like FWB, ONS, and casual relations as socially-acceptable, and even glamorous. If young adults are going to inevitably engage in physical relations, society should at least also give them a viable path to do so in a long-term, more stable kind of way (which it currently doesn't provide for), instead of pushing casual relations on them as the only possible way to satisfy their biological urges. IMO, young people are effectively forced into needing to have casual relations, because there is really no other alternative for them. Human beings already have the biological capability to reproduce at 18 for example, so why does society push them to wait until say 28-30+ to form a permanent, long-term romantic bond?? That is in itself extremely unjust, and a vast disservice to young people...it's like telling young people "until you're 28-30 or older, you can only lease/use a person romantically, for x amount of time, but you can't be with them permanently, even if you want to."

Quote:
I don't believe in avoiding heartbreak. Life IS heartbreak. And for the emotionally strong, learning from heartbreak and getting past it. Love is not something that happens only once ever in your whole life. Even love is something you need to learn. Being so afraid of pain that you fear to live and love IS a cage.
I respectfully disagree that life is or should be heartbreaking in any capacity, as much as possible anyway. And love can be learned over time, with one person that a person loves and is in a LTR with, rather than having to learn about love through say 5-10 short-term casual relationships, with say 5-10 different people...

Last edited by Phoenix2017; 08-14-2013 at 08:40 AM.. Reason: Edits
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Old 08-14-2013, 08:57 AM
 
12,164 posts, read 9,887,400 times
Reputation: 15813
Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009 View Post
Aside from parents having an appropriate "birds and the bees" discussion with their children regarding how human reproduction works, I guess I just don't see why the father should have to concern himself or try to influence his daughter, either way, regarding this subject. It just seems kinda taboo, in a certain sense...
Yes, it is. And it should not be. I contend that a fair amount of the dysfunction we see on this board can be laid at the feet of parents who felt that educating their children about relationships was to say "get married else don't." I am hoping that other people teach their kids to have healthy attitudes around sex so that my kids have someone to get into relationships with when they grow up. And why wouldn't parents do that?

Quote:
People are free to do whatever it is that makes them happy of course, but you will never see me saying that casual physical relations are a good thing -- because I don't believe it's emotionally healthy or beneficial to the participants involved. That would be like saying "pump and dump" is OK, to put it in a less-euphemistic way.
I don't think anyone is advocating being a jerk. Quite the opposite. The opposite of sex only within marriage <> total douche.

Quote:
It surprises me that more people are not alarmed and seriously unhappy with the recent attempts by society to promote things like FWB, ONS, and casual relations as socially-acceptable, and even glamorous. If young adults are going to inevitably engage in physical relations, society should at least also give them a viable path to do in a long-term, more stable kind of way (which it currently doesn't provide for), instead of pushing casual relations on them as the only possible way to satisfy their biological urges. IMO, young people are effectively forced into needing to have casual relations, because there is really no other alternative for them. Human beings already have the biological capability to reproduce at 18 for example, so why does society push them to wait until say 28-30+ to form a permanent, long-term romantic bond?? That is in itself extremely unjust, and a vast disservice to young people...it's like telling young people "until you're 28-30 or older, you can only lease/use a person romantically, for x amount of time, but you can't be with them permanently, even if you want to."



I respectfully disagree that life is or should be heartbreaking in any capacity, as much as possible anyway. And love can be learned over time, with one person that a person loves and is in a LTR with, rather than having to learn about love through say 5-10 short-term casual relationships, with say 5-10 different people...
You keep using short term and casual, ONS and FWB. Do you see that there are other possibilities? Did you never date anyone?
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Old 08-14-2013, 09:01 AM
 
5,483 posts, read 6,381,097 times
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Hope daddy doesnt forget to tell her to be careful not to turn into a **** and sleep with the entire football team in high school. Consequences wouldnt be pretty.
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Old 08-14-2013, 09:06 AM
 
Location: NW Indiana
40,219 posts, read 15,187,670 times
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Thread moved to parenting. Please remember to stay on topic.

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Old 08-14-2013, 09:09 AM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
12,982 posts, read 12,257,968 times
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Great article, thanks for sharing OP.
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Old 08-14-2013, 10:22 AM
 
5,385 posts, read 6,528,678 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Yes, it is. And it should not be. I contend that a fair amount of the dysfunction we see on this board can be laid at the feet of parents who felt that educating their children about relationships was to say "get married else don't." I am hoping that other people teach their kids to have healthy attitudes around sex so that my kids have someone to get into relationships with when they grow up. And why wouldn't parents do that?
True, but what specifically represents "healthy attitudes" toward physical relations can be very generation-dependent, as well. For example, I highly doubt that the parents of the Silent Generation would agree that what is considered to be "healthy" in today's mainstream society as healthy, using their own principles. In fact, I doubt that even the parents of late Gen-X or early Gen-Y children would agree that "healthy today" = truly healthy, in their own eyes as parents.

Quote:
I don't think anyone is advocating being a jerk. Quite the opposite. The opposite of sex only within marriage <> total douche.
I didn't mean to imply that having phyical relations outside of marriage makes someone a bad person. Just that if a person is going to be intimate with someone, make sure that you truly care about them and value them. People should not be treated as disposable, temporary, or merely "good enough for now" was the main point I was trying to make.

Quote:
You keep using short term and casual, ONS and FWB. Do you see that there are other possibilities? Did you never date anyone?
Yes I dated, but while doing so, was only interested in the long term. Long-term doesn't necessarily have to mean forever or marriage (since some long-term couples will obviously break up too), but it is naturally signficantly longer and more committed than something more short-term, for instance. I couldn't ever possibly see myself dating anyone for shorter-term purposes.
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Old 08-14-2013, 11:27 AM
 
19,078 posts, read 21,909,768 times
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I wouldn't want my under 18 teen to be having sex at all, let alone casual sex. I do think experimentation is a part of youth and I do hope my daughter explores, but that she explores with amazing people- not just anybody and not casually.
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Old 08-14-2013, 11:34 AM
 
16,598 posts, read 14,078,554 times
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Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
I wouldn't want my under 18 teen to be having sex at all, let alone casual sex. I do think experimentation is a part of youth and I do hope my daughter explores, but that she explores with amazing people- not just anybody and not casually.
Ah see I hope my daughter does have casual sex, maybe even a ONS. I would want her to try it, reject it on move on to something more meaningful with no regrets. I've met too many women who haven't tried any rides at the fair besides one. Many of the ones I know personally regret it. I have no idea if that will happen though as she has been active for almost two years but only one bf. But if she is happy so be it.
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Old 08-14-2013, 11:47 AM
 
12,164 posts, read 9,887,400 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009 View Post
I didn't mean to imply that having phyical relations outside of marriage makes someone a bad person. Just that if a person is going to be intimate with someone, make sure that you truly care about them and value them. People should not be treated as disposable, temporary, or merely "good enough for now" was the main point I was trying to make.
I don't see how that is inconsistent with what the gentleman wrote except insofar as your assumptions.

Quote:
Yes I dated, but while doing so, was only interested in the long term. Long-term doesn't necessarily have to mean forever or marriage (since some long-term couples will obviously break up too), but it is naturally signficantly longer and more committed than something more short-term, for instance. I couldn't ever possibly see myself dating anyone for shorter-term purposes.
Meh. How do you get to know on day one?
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