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Old 08-14-2013, 12:58 PM
 
19,078 posts, read 21,909,768 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
Ah see I hope my daughter does have casual sex, maybe even a ONS. I would want her to try it, reject it on move on to something more meaningful with no regrets. I've met too many women who haven't tried any rides at the fair besides one. Many of the ones I know personally regret it. I have no idea if that will happen though as she has been active for almost two years but only one bf. But if she is happy so be it.
Well, there are many things I don't want my daughter to try, from activities to specific drugs to certain kinds of people.
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Old 08-14-2013, 01:07 PM
 
5,385 posts, read 6,528,678 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
I don't see how that is inconsistent with what the gentleman wrote except insofar as your assumptions.
To quote from the article source (bolded emphasis added by me):

Quote:
Look, I love sex. It’s fun. And because I love my daughter, I want her to have all of the same delights in life that I do, and hopefully more. I don’t want to hear about the fine details because, heck, I don’t want those visuals any more than my daughter wants mine. But in the abstract, darling, go out and play.

Because consensual sex isn’t something that men take from you; it’s something you give. It doesn’t lessen you to give someone else pleasure.
The bolded selections above place a large emphasis on the specific mechanics of physical relations (i.e., the fact that it's "fun", "[a] delight", "pleasur[able]", etc.). Notice the simple connection that all of these references share: not one word about love, or loving or caring about the one that a person is hypothetically being intimate with. All of the pros cited by the father seem to be about "the act" itself, and not about "the love" that should naturally arise from sharing one's physical love, with another human being... ETA: the "go out and play" reference also seems to be pointing more toward a casual physical connection, moreso than a genuine love or feelings of real affection, for another person.

Quote:
Meh. How do you get to know on day one?
Because I know exactly what it is that I need emotionally, out of a romantic relationship, and I will only pursue someone who I feel can potentially successfully meet these needs. Emotionally, I need to be able to give and receive sincerely-expressed loving and tender, affectionate words, freely and frequently and openly, without restraint. I need someone who likes to be very affectionate, in terms of liking to give and receive lots of warm full embraces, and who likes cuddling and holding each other a lot. I need someone who is very sweet and gentle with me, and who is normally slow to become angry. These all happen to be qualities that I would think would very naturally lend themselves to something long-term, as opposed to something short-term and based on only intimacy itself alone. Physical intimacy itself is actually dead-last in importance to me, on the kinds of qualities that would make me feel romantically attracted to someone

Last edited by Phoenix2017; 08-14-2013 at 01:39 PM.. Reason: Adds / Edits
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Old 08-14-2013, 01:12 PM
 
Location: Senoia, GA
254 posts, read 334,700 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frihed89 View Post
What a laugh. Can you really see yourself saying this to a 12-14 year old? Unless you take the Marine Boot Camp/Onward Christian Soldiers approach they will just turn down the volume. But how would this hearts and flowers message sound from a drill sergeant?

Exactly.
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Old 08-14-2013, 01:35 PM
 
12,164 posts, read 9,887,400 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009 View Post
To quote from the article source (bolded emphasis added by me):



The bolded selections above place a large emphasis on the specific mechanics of physical relations (i.e., the fact that it's "fun", "[a] delight", "pleasur[able]", etc.). Notice the simple connection that all of these references share: not one word about love, or loving or caring about the one that a person is hypothetically being intimate with. All of the pros cited by the father seem to be about "the act" itself, and not about "the love" that should naturally arise from sharing one's physical love, with another human being... ETA: the "go out and play" reference also seems to be pointing more toward a casual physical connection, moreso than a genuine love or feelings of real affection, for another person.
To be fair, this love that you say SHOULD go with is all on you. I certainly don't think it "should", necessarily, and I doubt the blogger would either. Mutual consent is certainly necessary. And for certainty about that and any pleasure, I would think a form of friendship and trust is necessary.

I have yet to see one decent reason for the necessity of the one and only true love thing that wasn't either religious moralizing or fear mongering.

Quote:
Because I know exactly what it is that I need emotionally, out of a romantic relationship, and I will only pursue someone who I feel can potentially successfully meets these needs. Emotionally, I need to be able to give and receive sincerely-expressed loving and tender, affectionate words, freely and frequently and openly, without restraint. I need someone who likes to be very affectionate, in terms of liking to give and receive lots of warm full embraces, and who likes cuddling and holding each other a lot. I need someone who is very sweet and gentle with me, and who is normally slow to become angry. These all happen to be qualities that I would think would very naturally lend themselves to something long-term, as opposed to something short-term and based on only intimacy itself alone. Physical intimacy itself is actually dead-last in importance to me, on the kinds of qualities that would make me feel romantically attracted to someone
And you are going to know this about this person on the first "date"? Good luck with that!
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Old 08-14-2013, 01:42 PM
 
16,598 posts, read 14,078,554 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
Well, there are many things I don't want my daughter to try, from activities to specific drugs to certain kinds of people.
Most people don't regret the things that they do but rather the things that they don't do.

Clearly drugs are an entirely different thing than having a one night stand of safe sex.
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Old 08-14-2013, 01:44 PM
 
11,636 posts, read 20,445,628 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chadd1014 View Post
I liked this quote:

It doesn’t lessen you to give someone else pleasure. It doesn’t degrade you to have some of your own. And anyone who implies otherwise is a man who probably thinks very poorly of women underneath the surface.
Yes-I like this also.
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Old 08-14-2013, 01:51 PM
 
5,385 posts, read 6,528,678 times
Reputation: 4551
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
To be fair, this love that you say SHOULD go with is all on you. I certainly don't think it "should", necessarily, and I doubt the blogger would either. Mutual consent is certainly necessary. And for certainty about that and any pleasure, I would think a form of friendship and trust is necessary.

I have yet to see one decent reason for the necessity of the one and only true love thing that wasn't either religious moralizing or fear mongering.

But without real love present though, isn't what a couple who have only friendship and trust when they are together physically just FWB? Even if I theoretically wasn't already religious or pre-maritally celibate, real love would still be an absolute, non-negotiable requirement that I could not simply waive, before physical relations could occur. Intimacy without love seems like a poor imitation of the real deal, in MHO...

Quote:
And you are going to know this about this person on the first "date"? Good luck with that!
Fair enough -- that is a valid point (i.e., the "first date" reference) By way of explanation, and in my case, I personally like to get know a woman a little more to begin with for a few weeks or even several months, up-front, before I will ask her for a first date, whenever possible.
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Old 08-14-2013, 02:00 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,164 posts, read 20,476,226 times
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I think the author has a healthy attitude. I want my children to have good sex lives when they're old enough for it, physically and emotionally. I'm not sure if that will be at age 18, like so many people seem to think it should be, or if they will feel they're ready a little bit earlier. I know I was having sex before I was 18. I took all the appropriate precautions and never had any unintended consequences from it.

One thing that the article didn't mention which is relevant to kids in high school is reputation. In a perfect world, nobody would kiss and tell, or nobody would think less of women who enjoy sex. High school is definitely not perfect in that respect, and a bad reputation can lead to a girl ending up in dangerous situations.
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Old 08-14-2013, 02:02 PM
 
12,164 posts, read 9,887,400 times
Reputation: 15813
Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009 View Post
But without real love present though, isn't what a couple who have only friendship and trust when they are together physically just FWB?
Yes. And I see nothing wrong with that EXCEPT for the pejorative "just".

Quote:
Even if I theoretically wasn't already religious or pre-maritally celibate, real love would still be an absolute, non-negotiable requirement that I could not simply waive, before physical relations could occur. Intimacy without love seems like a poor imitation of the real deal, in MHO...
Hey you are entitled to want whatever you like. More power to you. As long as you recognize that your "shoulds" are personal, you are golden.
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Old 08-14-2013, 02:03 PM
 
12,164 posts, read 9,887,400 times
Reputation: 15813
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
I think the author has a healthy attitude. I want my children to have good sex lives when they're old enough for it, physically and emotionally. I'm not sure if that will be at age 18, like so many people seem to think it should be, or if they will feel they're ready a little bit earlier. I know I was having sex before I was 18. I took all the appropriate precautions and never had any unintended consequences from it.

One thing that the article didn't mention which is relevant to kids in high school is reputation. In a perfect world, nobody would kiss and tell, or nobody would think less of women who enjoy sex. High school is definitely not perfect in that respect, and a bad reputation can lead to a girl ending up in dangerous situations.
This is definitely one of the potential consequences "kids" need to be aware of.
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