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Old 08-16-2013, 12:40 PM
 
19,078 posts, read 21,909,768 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
Never said it was . ONS are far from the norm with most people I have found. And no one has ever been wowed by one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
I think of a one night stand as some person you find to have sex with, and never contact again. One time sex with a friend is just that, one time sex with a friend.
That's how I'm thinking as well and ONS's are what I'm talking about - in that I have found them to be mindless as well as lending to regrets. That and I'm guessing hangovers. ONS's were brought into the conversation (by other posters) as an example of some kind of sexual delight and I disagree.
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Old 08-16-2013, 12:41 PM
 
Location: North America
14,210 posts, read 10,110,918 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
That's how I'm thinking as well and ONS's are what I'm talking about - in that I have found them to be mindless as well as lending to regrets. That and I'm guessing hangovers. ONS's were brought into the conversation (by other posters) as an example of some kind of sexual delight and I disagree.
I have found the regret to be more on the fact that it was a lousy experience than anything .
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Old 08-16-2013, 12:42 PM
 
19,078 posts, read 21,909,768 times
Reputation: 13432
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
You are just not understanding what I mean by arbitrary. You don't see to understand the difference between an objective outcome and arbitrary.
I don't know what you mean by an objective outcome. And we seem to be on different pages as to what constitutes a ONS to boot.
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Old 08-16-2013, 12:43 PM
 
19,078 posts, read 21,909,768 times
Reputation: 13432
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
I have found the regret to be more on the fact that it was a lousy experience than anything .
Well yea, because you don't know the person. It could be anybody rather than a friend you know well, who knows you, who cares about your experience.
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Old 08-16-2013, 01:49 PM
 
2,779 posts, read 4,669,198 times
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You know I don't think anyone here is really disagreeing. We all want our children to feel like sex is a healthy and emotionally fulfilling activity that shouldn't be taboo.

However, I think what's important is this discussion is to respect how other people feel about sex. Personally I equated casual sex with feminism. "I'm powerful and independent because I don't need to be emotionally involved with someone to have sex." I don't think this is a unique perspective btw, but in the end it left me empty. I would be lying if said that I didn't care that the person I'd so casually hooked up with one weekend was dating someone else the next.

Recently there's been a lot written about the "hook up" culture in college and the way that students really feel about it. It's an interesting topic and a lot of the research shows that casual sex isn't nearly as common as we are led to believe. Google it.

Now if you're a person who doesn't always attach emotion to sex and feels that sex with friends or ONS or whatever can be liberating, well good for you. But for some of us it isn't that way and I think that needs to be respected too and presented as a side in a discussion. My parents presented only the one side and I feel like I made some poor decisions for me based upon that guidance and what I was learning from tv.

I'm definitely not saying that I endorse a strict fundamentalist approach to sex, just that I think it's ok to not want it to be casual. Make sense?
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Old 08-16-2013, 02:05 PM
 
Location: North America
14,210 posts, read 10,110,918 times
Reputation: 5547
Quote:
Originally Posted by hml1976 View Post
You know I don't think anyone here is really disagreeing. We all want our children to feel like sex is a healthy and emotionally fulfilling activity that shouldn't be taboo.

However, I think what's important is this discussion is to respect how other people feel about sex. Personally I equated casual sex with feminism. "I'm powerful and independent because I don't need to be emotionally involved with someone to have sex." I don't think this is a unique perspective btw, but in the end it left me empty. I would be lying if said that I didn't care that the person I'd so casually hooked up with one weekend was dating someone else the next.

Recently there's been a lot written about the "hook up" culture in college and the way that students really feel about it. It's an interesting topic and a lot of the research shows that casual sex isn't nearly as common as we are led to believe. Google it.

Now if you're a person who doesn't always attach emotion to sex and feels that sex with friends or ONS or whatever can be liberating, well good for you. But for some of us it isn't that way and I think that needs to be respected too and presented as a side in a discussion. My parents presented only the one side and I feel like I made some poor decisions for me based upon that guidance and what I was learning from tv.

I'm definitely not saying that I endorse a strict fundamentalist approach to sex, just that I think it's ok to not want it to be casual. Make sense?
What do you define as hookup culture though? Random humps every weekend with different people. Or the occasional time here and there while in college?
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Old 08-16-2013, 02:23 PM
 
32,532 posts, read 30,665,435 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
I suggest you come volunteer with me at my local senior center (we take care of their fish tank every week), if you want to meet some ladies who are bemoaning their bucket lists. Several of them have expressed regrets either to me or in my hearing. The most common was only having been with one person. Slightly deaf and vaguely eccentric can be rather eye opening.
I have NO trouble believing this. My guess is they're mid 70's to 80's-ish?

Conversations among the Children of the 60's, when they hit the old folk's home, will be entirely different. I think complaints will center around too much dope and what it did to their livers. (While they discuss the benefits of MM.) I don't expect to listen to a lot of people complaining that they had too much sex.
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Old 08-16-2013, 02:35 PM
 
5,385 posts, read 6,528,678 times
Reputation: 4551
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
No, because monogamy was an evolution rather than something we always had as humans. True social monogamy didn't really begin until the neolithic, when farming came about. And even then it was not an instant change in behavior. Because of the length of time required to be pregnant, and the high infant mortality rates then, there was a benefit to spreading the seed around.
Touche, all valid points...non-monogamous, polygamous unions existed for centuries, before contemporary monogamous unions first gained ground and became foundation for the modern norms for relationships and marriage...

Quote:
Because people don't desire to settle down right away is all. You have a certain degree of freedom as a young 20 something year old with a bf/gf, that you lack as 1/2 of a married couple. The level of responsibility isn't nearly the same in the former situation. You tend to still put yourself first when just dating, whereas you put your mate first in marriage. Also for the first time in your life you have financial independence, along with the social independence you gained in college. I don't see how the lack of marriage at that age is harming anyone really.
What if we flip the above situations around: what if a young person ages 18-21 were to hypothetically find the person who they felt was "The One" for them, everything they dreamed of and wanted romantically, and the one they truly wanted raise a family with and grow old with, but there was no realistic or practical way they could form a permanent family union, at that point in time...what then, are they supposed to just give up on their love for each other, and call it quits? For example, if they ended up being geographically separated, or if one person had to move, etc.? That seems like a rather sad and tragic situation to be in. This happens to older adults too, but likely also far less frequently, and besides, older adults may have much more resources at their disposal to ensure they can work through something like this, either by one party relocating or making the appropriate concessions needed to keep things going. Young adult couples have hardly the degree of inherent flexibility that older couples do.

Quote:
Why would marrying young increase the statistic for happy marriages?
For love, of course Aren't people who are and truly feel loved naturally happier, more content, and overall healthier, than the reverse? Marrying younger for love eliminates the artificial barrier and impediment that is put in place causing many younger adults to marry so much later than their true peak human biological reproductive ages. Marrying younger can eliminate much of the potential heartbreak and emotional angst and hurt that young people may feel as a result of all of their previous, inevitable "good for now" or "temporary lease" relationship break-ups. The real question I think is, how much *unhappiness* is caused by society's unwritten but very real decree of under normal circumstances, strongly encouraging people to form permanent romantic unions 10-12+ years later than they otherwise could, if the norms and circumstances were different?

Last edited by Phoenix2017; 08-16-2013 at 03:12 PM.. Reason: Typo
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Old 08-16-2013, 02:43 PM
 
12,164 posts, read 9,887,400 times
Reputation: 15813
Quote:
Originally Posted by hml1976 View Post
You know I don't think anyone here is really disagreeing. We all want our children to feel like sex is a healthy and emotionally fulfilling activity that shouldn't be taboo.

However, I think what's important is this discussion is to respect how other people feel about sex.
Super good point.

Quote:
Personally I equated casual sex with feminism. "I'm powerful and independent because I don't need to be emotionally involved with someone to have sex." I don't think this is a unique perspective btw, but in the end it left me empty. I would be lying if said that I didn't care that the person I'd so casually hooked up with one weekend was dating someone else the next.

Recently there's been a lot written about the "hook up" culture in college and the way that students really feel about it. It's an interesting topic and a lot of the research shows that casual sex isn't nearly as common as we are led to believe. Google it.

Now if you're a person who doesn't always attach emotion to sex and feels that sex with friends or ONS or whatever can be liberating, well good for you. But for some of us it isn't that way and I think that needs to be respected too and presented as a side in a discussion. My parents presented only the one side and I feel like I made some poor decisions for me based upon that guidance and what I was learning from tv.
I agree. It is a service to your kids to expose them also to what they are going to find in their dating pool at the very least. And it may help them connect to the way they want to do things.

Quote:
I'm definitely not saying that I endorse a strict fundamentalist approach to sex, just that I think it's ok to not want it to be casual. Make sense?
Darned good sense.
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Old 08-16-2013, 02:54 PM
 
Location: North America
14,210 posts, read 10,110,918 times
Reputation: 5547
Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009 View Post


What if we flip the above situations around: what if a young person ages 18-21 were to hypothetically find the person who they felt was "The One" for them, everything they dreamed of and wanted romantically, and the one they truly wanted raise a family with and grow old with, but there was no realistic or practical way they could form a permanent family union, at that point in time...what then, are they supposed to just give up on their love for each other, and call it quits? For example, if they ended up being geographically separated, or if one person had to move, etc.? That seems like a rather sad and tragic situation to be in. This happens to older adults too, but likely also far less frequently, and besides, older adults may have much more resources at their disposal to ensure they can work through something like this, either by one party relocating or making the appropriate concessions needed to keep things going. Young adult couples have hardly the degree of inherent flexibility that older couples do.
Plenty of young people have long term relationships with the person they marry. I know of a few still dating the same person after 5-7 years. But the reality is people 18-21 always seem to find "The One" in most every relationship they have. And then 2 years later when they break up they realize it wasn't the case.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009 View Post

For love, of course Aren't people who are and truly feel loved naturally happier, more content, and overall healthier, than the reverse? Marrying younger for love eliminates the artificial barrier and impediment that is put in place causing many younger adults to marry so much later than their true peak human biological reproductive ages. Marrying younger can eliminate much of the potential heartbreak and emotional angst and hurt that young people may feel as a result of all of their previous, inevitable "good for now" or "temporary lease" relationship break-ups. The real question I think is, how much *unhappiness* is caused by society's unwritten but very real decree of under normal circumstances, strongly encouraging people to form permanent romantic unions 10-12+ years later than they otherwise could, if the norms and circumstances were different?
Why would people marrying young marry for love more than people marrying as they got older. Most young people don't experience love anyway. They experience lust that they assume is love. In the past there also were not the opportunities open to people there are now. While the GI bill, and johnsons programs opened the door, you really didn't see the push for things outside of the traditional model of post high school life. The idea that mom stayed home, and dad got a job right out of high school was still normal in the late 70's early 80's. And that also correlates into rise of age of marriage since that time.
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