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Call me conservative (and usually I'm not), but I do not necessarily agree with this notion that women who have many, many sex partners are that much more fulfilled than women who choose to select their sex partners carefully, limiting it to more serious relationships. I was raised with the idea that casual sex is good and fun, and carried that attitude with me in the later high school years and in college. I think having multiple partners really just took away the romance and specialness of intimate relationships, and I wish I would have waited so I could have felt the act with someone I truly cared about and loved, not sleeping with men who would toss me aside the next day. This does not have to mean waiting until marriage, either.
To each his own.
Fulfillment varies to the individual though. Some people enjoy having one partner their entire lives, and others are happy with dozens. You can't really pigeonhole people into one group.
Both can have a significant impact and whether or not that is positive depends on a number of variables. That's the case for a million things in life I guess. I have never met a person that regrets not having a ONS. Rather, I know a number of people that regret them. I have no idea how it's going to go as far as raising her, but I hope she develops into a mindful and purposeful of woman. That will be my intent, in part, as I raise her.
I actually know some people that regret not having more partners before they settled down though.
Fulfillment varies to the individual though. Some people enjoy having one partner their entire lives, and others are happy with dozens. You can't really pigeonhole people into one group.
Yes exactly. Measure the thing based on the desires of the person and their healthy exercise of those desired, not some arbitrary set of activities deemed bad by the amorphous force known as "society".
Fulfillment varies to the individual though. Some people enjoy having one partner their entire lives, and others are happy with dozens. You can't really pigeonhole people into one group.
That's what I'm saying. It seems to be a common sentiment on this thread that is "fulfilling" to have multiple partners, and while I definitely agree that it certainly is for some people (and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that), it's not for everyone and there is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing partners carefully and limiting it to romantic relationships, either.
It's no less "healthy" to have few sex partners than it is to have dozens.
I don't know how to tease out the role our culture and society has on my thinking. I'm sure it's playing a role to a degree. I just don't understand the no standards mantra here, which is the ONS. We have standards for all kinds of things in life and this is one of them from my pov.
Standards are subjective however. Why is it someone lacks standards just because they want a ONS? People have them for a variety of reasons. Sometimes as you say it's a drunken choice. Other times it can be a great thrill you are seeking doing something with someone you just met, and will never see again. Doesn't mean you lack standards.
So I don't really feel one way or another about the actual article. He's mostly saying premarital sex isn't the end of the world and he hopes his daughters have good sex and I agree.
I was raised by pretty liberal parents who knew I was on the pill in high school and let me stay over at my boyfriends' houses. I didn't sleep around but I had sex earlier and with one or two more people than I wish I had.
I wish my parents had made a couple of things clearer to me. Things not mentioned in this article.
1) Sex is not power. I was under the impression that being as interested in sex and as willing to be sexual without attachment was a feminist statement. I will teach my children that attaching love to physical intimacy isn't a mistake and it doesn't make you old fashioned or weak.
2) Sex is better with someone you care about and have sex with often. ONS aren't generally "good sex" they're just kind of rushed and awkward.
3) Take a look at the person you're about to sleep with and think "no matter what there is a tiny possibility that I could get pregnant" is this the person that you're willing to walk down that road with?
Just a few things that I thought were missing from the "have good sex" column.
Agreed. ^^^^
I want my daughter to have great sex too, but I also want her to know that it's better when you're in love and when an unwanted pregnancy wouldn't be hugely traumatic. Also, other people may be able to have sex in an emotional vacuum, but I was never able to. In my youth I finally had to acknowledge that physical intimacy without emotional intimacy was confusing and left me feeling crappy. That might be something she has to learn on her own, or her experience may be different, but it's something I'll tell her.
She's almost 15 and I've told her that my best advice is to wait til you're out of high school and in love. Don't know if she'll follow that or not, but I hope she's listening.
That's what I'm saying. It seems to be a common sentiment on this thread that is "fulfilling" to have multiple partners, and while I definitely agree that it certainly is for some people (and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that), it's not for everyone and there is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing partners carefully and limiting it to romantic relationships, either.
It's no less "healthy" to have few sex partners than it is to have dozens.
I think most people have multiple partners due to the shifting nature of young relationships is all. Casual things tend to be more about curiosity, than actual enjoyment. It's something a lot of people will try just to see, some will love it, and others like you will regret it. But I think the reality is that even if you eliminate that, most people will still have multiple partners in life.
I want my daughter to have great sex too, but I also want her to know that it's better when you're in love and when an unwanted pregnancy wouldn't be hugely traumatic. Also, other people may be able to have sex in an emotional vacuum, but I was never able to. In my youth I finally had to acknowledge that physical intimacy without emotional intimacy was confusing and left me feeling crappy. That might be something she has to learn on her own, or her experience may be different, but it's something I'll tell her.
She's almost 15 and I've told her that my best advice is to wait til you're out of high school and in love. Don't know if she'll follow that or not, but I hope she's listening.
I want my daughter to have great sex too, but I also want her to know that it's better when you're in love and when an unwanted pregnancy wouldn't be hugely traumatic. Also, other people may be able to have sex in an emotional vacuum, but I was never able to. In my youth I finally had to acknowledge that physical intimacy without emotional intimacy was confusing and left me feeling crappy. That might be something she has to learn on her own, or her experience may be different, but it's something I'll tell her.
She's almost 15 and I've told her that my best advice is to wait til you're out of high school and in love. Don't know if she'll follow that or not, but I hope she's listening.
She will likely wait towards the end if she does have it in hs. Contrary to popular opinion among a lot of people, teens generally don't start having sex until nearly the end of hs. The more open you are with her as a parent, the better she will be able to handle situations, and likely delay them until she feels ready. Sounds like you got this already mom .
Yes exactly. Measure the thing based on the desires of the person and their healthy exercise of those desired, not some arbitrary set of activities deemed bad by the amorphous force known as "society".
Yep! I mean personally I get BORED in relationships very quickly. It doesn't matter how much I am into the person in the start, within 3-4 months I tire of them. It's just how I am built.
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