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One of the eastern philosophers said that when you come to the fork in the road you are on the wrong road. When you are moving in the right direction you will not perceive the proverbial fork as giving you a choice. You will automatically know the path you are taking and disregard the other path.
That's essentially religious doctrine. **** that. Not rational, philosophical thought. Nothing "eastern" is. Zen koans can do quite well to illustrate absurdity, but otherwise, "Eastern philosophy" is pretty much worthless. Siddhartha Gautama was a trust fund baby of his time who just so happened to think he experienced enlightenment sitting beneath the Bodhi tree or what have you. Just another human being.
That's essentially religious doctrine. **** that. Not rational, philosophical thought. Nothing "eastern" is. Zen koans can do quite well to illustrate absurdity, but otherwise, "Eastern philosophy" is pretty much worthless. Siddhartha Gautama was a trust fund baby of his time who just so happened to think he experienced enlightenment sitting beneath the Bodhi tree or what have you. Just another human being.
Over the years I have driven hundreds of miles lost in practicaly every major city in the US. with out a GPS or map. I have come to dozens of literal forks in the roads. When I am confident about where I am going, I do not percieve the divided road ,when I am not confident I turn around.
What I think the OP lacks is one of the most meager gifts a parent can give a child , confidence.
I almost blew my life away when I was a punk teenager... I did some really stupid stuff that I'm not proud of.
In the end, it WAS a girl who got me out of it. Last week was our 15th aniversary too.
Just remember, life is always changing. Today's problems won't matter in 10 or 20 years... instead you'll have a whole new set of challenges AND opportunities.
Instead of looking back and finding things/people to blame, look forward. Take stock of what you've got now, decide who you want to become and start working for it.
If you've got nothing now, you've got nothing to loose.
I once heard a quote, I think from alice and wonderland, something like
"which road should I take"
"where do you want to go"
"I don't know"
"then it doesn't matter"
So, I guess it doesn't matter which decisions I make now, since I literally am lost. Lost mentally, lost spiritually, lost physically, lost geographically, lost workability, lost livability, etc.
I use to believe in stuff, then it all turned out to be a lie or just a bunch of lies all to manipulate me to act a certain way, to never voice my opinions, or to do what i wanted, or even learn new things.
My parents like seriously never taught me anything useful ever. I use to wipe my hair after a shower the wrong way, i brushed my teeth incorrectly, i ate unhealthy, I became anxious all the time, I was fearful almost all day long, I sometimes thought I was crazy b.c I didn't understand why they were always calling my a dumb ass or a bad kid, or a trouble maker, when I didn't really ever do anything bad like other kids were doing. I was hardly ever fed healthy meals, I had to beg if I wanted my mom to make a meal for me, I had to beg for money to buy necessary school supplies, I had to beg to get a ride to a friends house.
So yea, I use to be a christian, until I realized how my parents are anything but, and just used it to control me.
I was suppose to tell them everything about me and what happened at school, or who i liked, but i could never ask them anything. They would just say its for parents to know and you not to know, or some crap.
I would see my parent's driving around in new cars every few years, but they almost never bought me what i wanted, they would mostly buy stuff i didn't even ask for , and would make me say thank you and tell them that i have the best parents in the world, aha.
Yeah, they probably have mental issues but were always to ignorant to seek help, and they'll probably end up homeless or something, God knows what, before they are 65.
But am I going to take care of them, when they didn't take care of me. When I was down, all they did was criticize me and humiliate me, and make me want to kill myself.
So here I am, moments away from complete homelessness, and am lost. I hate that I almost always feel like crap, that i have health issues, that I am fearful of people especially women. I hate of even thinking about working a meaningless job that stresses me out and wears me down even more just to afford a crap apartment.
But most of all, I probably hate how jaded and my inability to ever find meaning in this life again. Sure some people might go to parties or do fun things, but my anxiety keeps me from even doing that. I can't help but think I will look back 20 years from now, if I'm still alive, and being even more depressed than I already am. For all the chances I didn't take, for all the people I didn't meet, for all the relationships I never could start.
I've tried almost everything, I'm on the correct meds, but my family not accepting me even after I tried to explain everything and just kicking me some more, I just think I lost my heart. I don't know what can bring me back to a normalcy. Maybe meeting a cool girl? Probably not, but maybe it can give me hope again that some person could actually like me. But what girl would date a homeless guy? LOL.
That's really sad man...there are so many really good and kind people who would love to know you. Sometimes families are only that in name. That's OK..you don't need to define your worth by what they do or don't do for you. You are your own person now..I don't go to parties, or even go "out", and I'm very happy in life. Maybe you've set the standard for "fun" as something you need to "go" do, or do with others. That's not so...it can be fun sitting in a park people watching by yourself. Sometimes you even meet someone and that's always very nice, because it's something you'd both want to do...helping others (soup kitchens, shelters) or whatever... is fun if you're into life.
Sounds like you have to do this for yourself....you gotta start by believing in yourself..you ARE special, no matter what someone else says...don't rely on anyone else (a cool girl) to do it for you either. I wouldn't want to waste my time with a family like yours...what for? and you absolutely have to learn to let their uncalled for criticism of you (which really shows their OWN insecurities) run off your back like water on a ducks...get your parents out of your mind...hang in there..things will get better, you'll see...
Over the years I have driven hundreds of miles lost in practicaly every major city in the US. with out a GPS or map. I have come to dozens of literal forks in the roads. When I am confident about where I am going, I do not percieve the divided road ,when I am not confident I turn around.
What I think the OP lacks is one of the most meager gifts a parent can give a child , confidence.
I agree with the gist of your post. However, confidence is not a meager gift to me. It usually comes in a "gift basket" with other goodies.
I agree with the gist of your post. However, confidence is not a meager gift to me. It usually comes in a "gift basket" with other goodies.
Yes this is true, confidence does come wrapped up in something else, like when you are on hand to witness your child’s first steps. Love, trust, and confidence are all part of simply playing with your child. I guess it is better to say confidence is something that is easy to give a child if you start off as early as possible.
Yes this is true, confidence does come wrapped up in something else, like when you are on hand to witness your child’s first steps. Love, trust, and confidence are all part of simply playing with your child. I guess it is better to say confidence is something that is easy to give a child if you start off as early as possible.
Yes, very true in my book.
Last edited by elyn02; 10-19-2013 at 02:41 PM..
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