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But, my husband was a virgin at 29 and living at home, because Jesus. He had never (and still has never) masturbated and was taught the sex within a marriage should be wholesome and pleasurable for both spouses. His sex drive is fine, he's perfectly normal and fine.
I was 19, not a virgin, and on my own.
Based on BOTH of our experiences, we'll be raising our children with the goal of reserving sex until marriage. It doesn't mean we won't teach safe sex, but even with safe sex, there can be very big consequences, that we believe are best handled within the confines of a marriage.
Sorry, but that seems almost impossible. But fine, whatever works for you two.
That said, I felt it was very unrealistic to expect either of my sons to abstain, and I think that abstinence-only sex ed is a bad joke. I told my youngest not so long ago that I did not expect him to wait until marriage, but I did hope he would wait for a partner he could trust. And by that, I mean mostly trust enough that she will do her part to prevent pregnancy if she says she is doing so, and not lie to you. Have conversations with about sexual health. If you are not ready to be responsible about sex, then you're not ready to have sex.
That said, I felt it was very unrealistic to expect either of my sons to abstain, and I think that abstinence-only sex ed is a bad joke. I told my youngest not so long ago that I did not expect him to wait until marriage, but I did hope he would wait for a partner he could trust. And by that, I mean mostly trust enough that she will do her part to prevent pregnancy if she says she is doing so, and not lie to you. Have conversations with about sexual health. If you are not ready to be responsible about sex, then you're not ready to have sex.
It's a tragedy, as the correlation between high teen pregnancy rates/high STD rates and states that stress abstinence over responsible sexual practices demonstrates.
I don't agree. I think that most do, and a few don't.
Intense adherence to religion is one reason that somebody might not. I also met a much older man once who said he gave it up because he believed that porn warps the mind and that it is better for the mind, body, and spirit to only share sexual activity with a partner. I had no reason to believe he was lying about it.
I don't think that abstinence from "self love" (or partnered sex for that matter, or both) is "impossible". It's just not a common choice, and I think it's got to come from a genuine place within a person, something they really choose for themselves and believe in, and it is difficult (maybe impossible) to force one's child to have a mindset that precludes these very natural desires.
Even those who try to bring up their kids in strict religious atmospheres often still lose that control over them sooner or later. And you've got just as much of a chance, in my opinion, of damaging a kid by trying too hard to force them away from their genuine self into a mold of your own making. Most of the freakiest, most rebellious and atheistic adults I've ever known, went to private, religious schools growing up.
That's why I feel that just giving kids the best possible tools and the most legit information for whatever choice they may make, helps to prepare them for whatever road they choose. If one of my sons had chosen abstinence, I'd have respected that completely. If he does not choose abstinence, he will be armed with the best possible information for safety and precautions. In fact, my older son has very nearly been celibate (he is now 19.) It's because he's been in love with one particular young lady since they were about 12, and she is not willing to have sex until she feels "ready" and she has not yet. Her own mother is a single Mom who has struggled with raising 3 kids, and she doesn't want to end up in that boat. My son had an on-and-off relationship with her, during one breakup he did hook up briefly with another girl during his senior year, but other than that I think he's been abstinent. (He sees that fling as a "huge mistake" now.) He really only wants to be with this one woman, and he is willing to wait for her, for the most part.
Don't have kids myself but I'm a sex positivist. If people want to set a specific age people should wait to have sex I'm fine with that. It doesn't necessarily have to be a law though. Just a cultural norm or common piece of advice. Different states have different ages ranging from 16 to 18 for when people are legally able to consent to sex. Of the two most popular sex educators on youtube, Laci Green and Lindsey Doe, one seems to be avoiding the topic like the plague and the other says people should wait until they're 16 to have sex.
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Only those with strong religious leanings, and even then not all of them. Most religious people certainly promote it as an ideal (though I'm sure there are a few non-religious people who promote it on some secular grounds or another).
I'm not talking about what kids are actually doing. I mean are there any parents who sit their kids down at any age and tell them they need to be virgins when they get married.
you got to be joking! most kids over here are sexual active before the age of 11 or 12.
Expecting my daughter to be a virgin by marriage is too narrow of a goal so I would not sit her down with that directive. In fact, that expectation does not meet any vision I have of her.
sex is when people love each other they GET MARRIED
but that's it
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