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I'm reading a lot of what amounts to a false dichotomy. There is more than a choice between "wait until marriage" or "have sex with people you barely know and get pregnant and spread STD's."
I have taught my children to value sex and to treat it seriously. I certainly didn't tell them NOT to wait until marriage, but I would never suggest that as the best option. I don't think that it is, and I don't want to plague them with useless guilt.
Boys need to be taught self control and girls need to be taught not to open legs for every charming man.
Are you a parent?
Because that's a very interesting statement. The boys need be taught "self control" which implies maturity. Yet the girls need to be taught "not open their legs for charming men". Which implies that girls are bimbo-quality beings who hop into bed based on a nice smile and a good line.
I'm REALLY hoping you don't have daughters because the sexism in that statement is making my ears bleed.
I don't attach any morality or immorality to sex (beyond obviously the issue of consent) so if my daughter wants to be promiscuous its fine by me - I shall talk to her honestly about the upsides and downsides and the importance of being safe and that its still risky despite birth control and condoms but I won't think that she has no morals if she has casual sex.
And I like what weltshermz said - I will definitely teach her that its not the best idea to marry someone without finding out first if they are sexually compatible.
No way! I hope they aren't. Being a virgin at marriage is the perfect recipe for disaster. Marriage isn't even need, I simply live together with my girlfriend and our twins.
Says the guy who cheated on his girlfriend (and the mother of his children) while he was on an assignment and she was raising his twins. I don't think this is a discussion where your opinion on instilling morals holds much weight, dude.
I would guess that to most "save themselves" means to wait until someone actually loves them, can make a life with them, can raise a child with them.
At the very least it means save themselves until they are fully adult and can handle the emotions and rejections.
But the statement was "save themselves for marriage".
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Originally Posted by roscomac
I'm reading a lot of what amounts to a false dichotomy. There is more than a choice between "wait until marriage" or "have sex with people you barely know and get pregnant and spread STD's."
Girls, in order to maximize their possibiiities must be virgins at marriage. Guys? Well, nobody can or ever will be able to prove it and they are men after all.
In still "orthodox" Italian and some other ethinically "active" families, as well as in families where children are simply expected to take care of life's issues in proper order, broken hymens are considered something like a Mazzaratti with a dented fender. Or something like that.
As a rule of thumb, keep knees together. If the boy wants otherwise, then girlwise, he wants otherwise.
Girls, in order to maximize their possibiiities must be virgins at marriage. Guys? Well, nobody can or ever will be able to prove it and they are men after all.
In still "orthodox" Italian and some other ethinically "active" families, as well as in families where children are simply expected to take care of life's issues in proper order, broken hymens are considered something like a Mazzaratti with a dented fender. Or something like that.
As a rule of thumb, keep knees together. If the boy wants otherwise, then girlwise, he wants otherwise.
"In order to maximize their possibilities"? Seriously? Oh right, to get a better dowry.
So girls must "keep knees together" but boys can do whatever they want?
So girls who use tampons, masturbate, or play rigorous sport need not apply right, as those activities result in a perforated hymen.
I'm not talking about what kids are actually doing. I mean are there any parents who sit their kids down at any age and tell them they need to be virgins when they get married.
With our first kids I told them that when they were preteens and we were having our many sex education talks. I knew my teaching would change as they grew older but didn't think they could handle hearing that then. And we were involved in church and they were probably hearing the same thing there in youth group, etc. As they got into their early teens and started telling me about their friends I gave them as much education and information as I could but edited my talk to include that they would be much better off if they could wait till they were out of high school and probably even deep into college. I told them by then I hoped they would have the maturity and foresight to make serious decisions which would impact their whole lives.
DD made it to 19 and DS made it to 20.
"Made it to". I made it to 25 miles and considered it an accomplishment. Is that what you mean by "made it to"? Do you even know what you want to teach? What you think is important?
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Now I have 11 year olds and I'm not even going to go through the "be a virgin when you marry" charade at any point with them.
Because it IS a charade. Why would you even want to?
That teaching is standard practice among fundamentalist Christians. I know families that I wouldn't classify as fundamentalists but who do the purity ring thing. A very conservative friend of mine recently went to a wedding. She said, about the happy couple, "They've both saved themselves for the wedding night!" and I thought, "How the heck do you know?"
This isn't about your post but we have a Dew Drop Inn about 8-10 min up the road from us
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