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Old 01-14-2014, 07:49 PM
 
726 posts, read 701,298 times
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Well come on, I know kids are supposed to be angelic little bundles of joy, but look at the reality of the situation. They mean no more free time. No more spare cash. No more spontaneity. They're a huge responsibility that you can't back out of once they've been born, and often they're conceived accidentally. They cause their parents so much stress and worry that doesn't just stop once they turn 18. They put strain on their parents' relationship. Often they're obnoxious and irritating. Why wouldn't it decrease someone's happiness?
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Old 01-14-2014, 07:59 PM
 
Location: California
30,709 posts, read 33,537,865 times
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That isn't measuring happiness but "marital satisfaction". Big difference IMO. Many couples find themselves disagreeing on how to raise the kids and how to deal with it all. And there is NO amount of talking about it beforehand that will prepare you for the reality.

Living life in a bubble of self indulgence and no stress may prevent some divorces, but that's not actually how life works is it?

I personally would feel like an empty shell if I didn't have kids. But that's MY life, not yours.
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Old 01-15-2014, 01:49 AM
 
Location: Guangzhou, China
9,783 posts, read 13,381,493 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by el_marto View Post
Well come on, I know kids are supposed to be angelic little bundles of joy, but look at the reality of the situation. They mean no more free time. No more spare cash. No more spontaneity. They're a huge responsibility that you can't back out of once they've been born, and often they're conceived accidentally. They cause their parents so much stress and worry that doesn't just stop once they turn 18. They put strain on their parents' relationship. Often they're obnoxious and irritating. Why wouldn't it decrease someone's happiness?
Perhaps because there's more to children than an anecdotal bucket list of the negative circumstances that can bring them about and their negative behaviors?
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Old 01-15-2014, 01:15 PM
 
Location: Southeast Michigan
1,189 posts, read 980,059 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece View Post
That isn't measuring happiness but "marital satisfaction". Big difference IMO. Many couples find themselves disagreeing on how to raise the kids and how to deal with it all. And there is NO amount of talking about it beforehand that will prepare you for the reality.

Living life in a bubble of self indulgence and no stress may prevent some divorces, but that's not actually how life works is it?

I personally would feel like an empty shell if I didn't have kids. But that's MY life, not yours.

SOME amount of discussing child care issues beforehand is much better than none, IMHO. The problem is, sometimes there is none. It needs to be discussed A LOT, both before and afterwards. Also, no one should expect their spouse to be a mind-reader. I see this a lot.

Not everyone who doesn't want kids lives in a bubble of self indulgence and no stress, or expects to. And this is from someone with kids, with friends who don't.
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Old 01-15-2014, 02:31 PM
 
19,078 posts, read 21,939,902 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by el_marto View Post
Well come on, I know kids are supposed to be angelic little bundles of joy, but look at the reality of the situation. They mean no more free time. No more spare cash. No more spontaneity. They're a huge responsibility that you can't back out of once they've been born, and often they're conceived accidentally. They cause their parents so much stress and worry that doesn't just stop once they turn 18. They put strain on their parents' relationship. Often they're obnoxious and irritating. Why wouldn't it decrease someone's happiness?
It's different for everyone. For me, my kid gives my life a level of meaning and joy I didn't know was possible. It's worth all the sacrifice as most good things are.
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Old 01-15-2014, 02:47 PM
 
131 posts, read 179,650 times
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Does Having Children Make People Happier?

It made me happier. My granddaughter makes me happier still.
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Old 01-18-2014, 01:58 PM
 
Location: Northeastern US
14,197 posts, read 9,107,204 times
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Nothing "makes" people happier. They decide to be happy (anyway).

I'm not satisfied with the adjustment and happiness of my children or stepchildren, but they are clearly far less concerned about it than I. So who am I to ruin my own happiness over it?

My son for instance was recently diagnosed with Schizoid Personality Disorder. A component of that is that he doesn't have particular feelings about much of anything ("flat affect"). And I mean NO feelings, including sadness or disappointment. So I waste my time feeling sad or disappointed FOR him. That's just me wanting things to be a certain way and deciding how a grown man (age 27) should be feeling or not feeing. It is just another way of being; there is some debate about whether or not it's even a legit diagnosis label at the end of the day.

His disorder runs in families with schizophrenic parents. His mother was schizophrenic. In terms of my own desire to leave the world a better place than I found it, his issues are unfortunate, to put it mildly. But that's also just me wanting things to be a certain way -- things I now have zero control over. I choose to be happy. Anyway. Or what passes for happy for me, given the situation. I dunno. I just can't put my (un)happiness on my kid. It's not his job to fulfill my fantasies, however legitimate or noble they may or may not be.

People shouldn't have kids to make them happy or give them a shot at happiness. I question whether they should have kids, period ... but that's another (contentious) topic. The pursuit of happiness and the pursuit of parenthood should have zilch to do with one another or you're just on a fool's errand. You may get lucky and your kid may "make" you happy, but it's just dumb luck.
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Old 01-21-2014, 01:43 AM
 
8,018 posts, read 6,617,231 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vision33r View Post
Having children improved my life tremendously. When I was single, I didn't have the determination and patience. My children taught me how to be patient and made me determined to achieve greater success with my ambitions.

Which is why most of my contacts without kids have stagnated because their life is good they are not looking to upgrade and they are not healthier than me.

I can see for some, having kids may ruin their lives as it accelerates any marital or personal problems such as money and relationship problems.
You make it sound like it's a bad thing

In the context of the OP's exact words. I would hope that having kids makes a person happier. I guess IMO it conveys to the fact that the child has added to their already present happiness.

This is different from thinking that a person has a child just so they can be happy.

Last edited by Ro2113; 01-21-2014 at 02:09 AM..
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Old 01-21-2014, 07:18 PM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,655 posts, read 33,494,314 times
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Children may make most other people happier, but they sure as would make me miserable.
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Old 01-22-2014, 04:02 PM
 
200 posts, read 129,792 times
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[quote=NorthYorkEd;33012609]Happiness is simply the result of being in tune with who you are. Not everyone wants or feels the need to be a parent. There is no wrong or right choice, only the one that is best suited to your personal goals and objectives in life. Some people thrive in family life, others wilt. [b]To each their own.

I think so call happiness is frame of your mindset.
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