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Old 02-25-2014, 12:31 AM
 
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If our society knew that people were highly unlikely to accept your apology, would it create a more caring society? Now, i'm not talking about minor apologies, i'm talking about major stuff that people do and try and get away with and then when they get caught, they apologize, you know, they "took their shot" to get one over on society and failed, and now they want to be forgiven.

I'm all for giving people second chances, but if we were harder on people, do you think they would be less likely to "Screw up" in the first place?
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Old 02-25-2014, 08:58 AM
 
Location: Victoria TX
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If everybody who owed me an apology gave me a nickel instead, I'd be a rich man. Except that I'd have debts to pay, too.
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Old 02-25-2014, 09:08 AM
 
Location: Southwestern, USA
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Thing is, if the person is not sincere they will blow it again, then we will know
their true colors.
So do we forgive the third and fourth time? There's stupid and than there's being Christ-like. Hmm....then we can forgive, but still place someone in jail for
everyone's protection.

I know I didn't ans your ques.
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Old 02-25-2014, 02:18 PM
 
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I have heard yesterday, that humans experience only two emotions.
Fear.
Love.
The rest is derivatives of those 2.
OP, you trying to create a state based on fear. It will be a limiting factor, but people will still finds ways to bypass ANY restrictions or regulations or laws. One said, laws are made to only be broken.
You need to change human nature. Only THEN crime will go away by itself. It's called Utopia, will never happen.
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Old 02-25-2014, 02:48 PM
 
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Sorry...but...grammar police moment. Your title should read"Should we accept FEWER "apologies" from people?"
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Old 02-26-2014, 09:57 AM
 
Location: Victoria TX
42,668 posts, read 71,701,773 times
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I once knew a young girl in my family who had a very bad habit of saying "I'm Sorry" far too often. It became as vacant and meaningless as "Bless you" when someone sneezed. I suggested to her that instead of saying "I'm sorry", she should think "I'm better than that" and move on with her life. There was a marked improvement in her self esteem and her social relationships.
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Old 02-27-2014, 12:19 PM
 
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A true apology never has the word "but" in it.

Seems most apologies today do.
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Old 02-27-2014, 11:34 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
18,971 posts, read 12,562,508 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wall st kid View Post
If our society knew that people were highly unlikely to accept your apology, would it create a more caring society? Now, i'm not talking about minor apologies, i'm talking about major stuff that people do and try and get away with and then when they get caught, they apologize, you know, they "took their shot" to get one over on society and failed, and now they want to be forgiven.

I'm all for giving people second chances, but if we were harder on people, do you think they would be less likely to "Screw up" in the first place?
Imagine you flubbed up big time and it involved people you cared about. Wouldn't you want them to accept your apology?

Life is full of trade offs that involve courtesy and "making nice." Imagine a world where no one ever apologized, ever.

When prominent officials are faced with public humiliation, and then they apologize, I think most of us discount the sincerity of same. And you can often tell by the apology itself whether it is sincere. But the fact that they apologize, indicates that they know they have violated some societal rule, or possibly the law. I think Jesse Jackson Jr. apologized, but he still has had to pay his debt to society. How he lives his life heretofore, will show how sincerely he is sorry now.
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Old 02-28-2014, 05:01 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran View Post
Imagine you flubbed up big time and it involved people you cared about. Wouldn't you want them to accept your apology?

Life is full of trade offs that involve courtesy and "making nice." Imagine a world where no one ever apologized, ever.

When prominent officials are faced with public humiliation, and then they apologize, I think most of us discount the sincerity of same. And you can often tell by the apology itself whether it is sincere. But the fact that they apologize, indicates that they know they have violated some societal rule, or possibly the law. I think Jesse Jackson Jr. apologized, but he still has had to pay his debt to society. How he lives his life heretofore, will show how sincerely he is sorry now.
I think it depends on the "Flub". Sure, if it was me, i would want the apology accepted, but if i knew they wouldnt ever accept that apology, it may make me think twice about screwing up in the first place.

People apologize as much as they change their underwear, if we asked the question, "how many apologies were given just today in America" the number would be in the thousands, maybe the tens of thousands. Someone is saying "im sorry" every 4 seconds, how much can apologies really mean if we use them like we use toilet paper?

We need to be harder on ourselves to not "Flub" in the first place.
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Old 02-28-2014, 07:16 PM
Status: "Limited net service. Be back shortly" (set 22 hours ago)
 
Location: Dallas, TX
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Both formal and informal apologies, sincere or not, are important because they reaffirm that certain classes of acts are essentially wrong -meaning have a profound and negative impact on others dignity, security, health (physical or mental), and other fundamental needs people have. As such, apologies provide people who are only borderline good/bad with extra motivation to do the right thing - whether to their work colleagues, other social group members, or society in general; namely to NOT commit behavior that most people would find unmistakably objectionable (whether ethically so, courtesy violations, etc). If nobody gave two cents about how our actions can negatively impact on others, then our society would just fall apart (think the roughest prison block units when the guards aren't around).

Yes, a lot of those apologies are insincere. At the same time, that does not in any way minimize the ultimate point I made above. If the person is sincere in his or her apology, then they should be forgiven and their punishment minimized to the greatest extent reasonably possible given the gravity of their offense. This is especially true if we already know such people pretty well or have good reason to believe that they are likely the type to be sincere and decent people.

As for those who aren't sincere? Well, I ran across recently an old Russian proverb: For fools, the law was not written. That means that fools simply aren't going to give a damn no matter what happens (or that's one plausible interpretation, at least). I see no reason not to switch "the law" for "generally accepted standards of behavior". In this case, just wash your hands of the fools, and let them meet their own destiny.
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