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Old 02-25-2014, 04:24 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,033 posts, read 1,750,973 times
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Tried to conduct a search on this topic, but I couldn't find anything...

Too often I see guys who work factory jobs that required 10 hr. shifts and OT, white collar, mid-upper level management, military men, coaches, etc. who are literally tied to their jobs. The jobs are more of their identity than the family. Majority of the the time, these dads/husbands are absent?

I salute men who are breadwinners and financially take care of home.

But it begs the question... if they're absent, then what's the point of even starting a family?


Inquiring minds wanna know. Please help me out of this...and are there any parents and wives in here who've dealt with absentee husbands and dads?
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Old 02-25-2014, 05:14 AM
 
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Their father only gets 1-2 hours a night with them (a bit more on weekends), he just makes the most of it and is very interactive with them. They've never complained, they are always happy to see daddy.
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Old 02-25-2014, 05:52 AM
 
8 posts, read 5,898 times
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Default Double Standards

Women get asked this question all the time even for normal jobs so it is nice someone has considered the other side for once! I don't think most jobs are particularly conductive to having a family and if possible parents should share the work load so they both spend time with their kids. Both mums and dads offer a new insight that children should experience and so the stay at home ideal while the other person works would never be ideal for me.

However I assume the answer will be from most that it is fine for men to work all hours of the day (ie they can have family and a career) though if it was a woman working those jobs the kids would suffer (because she can't have it all!)
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Old 02-25-2014, 08:15 AM
 
2,853 posts, read 6,519,211 times
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As I work in finance in Manhattan, I observe a lot of people who work anywhere from 10-18 hours a day + a commute with families. Sometimes both parents work and there is a nanny or daycare, sometimes one spouse is home with the children. Some of the women I know coming back from maternity transition back by working a couple days a week from home. For some of them, they work like this for a few years and then look for a job more flexible. It is good money and you can really provide for your family and build up savings. Others really live to work and spend more time in the office than at home. However, my coworkers are proud and in love with their families, and make the most of it on the weekends and when they can take vacation. I would be more critical of a parent that is home 24 hours but simply puts the kid in front of a TV for 12 hours and ignores them. Occasionally I'll have colleagues bring their kids to work and they are so impressed with mommy/daddy's office and important job and how hard they work for their family and they're very excited.

What about those serving our military who are "absent"? I have an in-law that served in Afghanistan and Iraq and missed the birth of 2 of his 4 kids, and was "absent" for extended periods of time. To ask why "bother" having kids I don't get. They live for their kids. They served their country for their kids' futures. And now 10 years later they actually have a pretty cushy job in recruiting and are home a considerable amount of time with great benefits.

I will say in my field it is very difficult on women and the debate over how there is "never a perfect time" to have kids is a common one, as they are in a tug-of-war between professional and family life.
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Old 02-25-2014, 08:49 AM
 
15,254 posts, read 16,847,749 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UserNamesake View Post
Tried to conduct a search on this topic, but I couldn't find anything...

Too often I see guys who work factory jobs that required 10 hr. shifts and OT, white collar, mid-upper level management, military men, coaches, etc. who are literally tied to their jobs. The jobs are more of their identity than the family. Majority of the the time, these dads/husbands are absent?

I salute men who are breadwinners and financially take care of home.

But it begs the question... if they're absent, then what's the point of even starting a family?

Inquiring minds wanna know. Please help me out of this...and are there any parents and wives in here who've dealt with absentee husbands and dads?
I'm not sure what you're saying, or asking. Do you think you should only start a family when parents can afford to, and have access to, jobs that require only 40 hours a week?
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Old 02-25-2014, 11:52 AM
 
2,542 posts, read 5,996,418 times
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In western history, at least, it has been more normal than not to have absent fathers, yet here we all are. It is something very primal. It's how life is. It comes down to whether you would like to have them, even though you won't see them all the time, or look back and wish you did have them. Also, their is the quantity vs. quality argument.
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Old 02-25-2014, 12:33 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 30,119,407 times
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I don't think a person or couple should forego starting a family because of work. Work is the problem, not the family. I think the way work is structured in many industries should be modified to something more manageable.
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Old 02-25-2014, 12:51 PM
 
3,072 posts, read 4,282,197 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyme4878 View Post
In western history, at least, it has been more normal than not to have absent fathers, yet here we all are. It is something very primal. It's how life is. It comes down to whether you would like to have them, even though you won't see them all the time, or look back and wish you did have them. Also, their is the quantity vs. quality argument.
I'm sure back in the day, my ancestors dealt with their men leaving for weeks at a time, never knowing if they would actually return or not, we didn't always have agriculture. In comparison, at least with a 10 hour day, I know he will be home for dinner
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Old 02-25-2014, 01:05 PM
 
2,853 posts, read 6,519,211 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aliss2 View Post
I'm sure back in the day, my ancestors dealt with their men leaving for weeks at a time, never knowing if they would actually return or not, we didn't always have agriculture. In comparison, at least with a 10 hour day, I know he will be home for dinner

Better 10 hours in the office than 10 hours at the bar....
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Old 02-25-2014, 01:15 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
15,609 posts, read 25,046,204 times
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we work too much here in America. No one should be working 10 hours a day, that's ridiculous.

We have all this technology to help us, yet we are working just as long as the people did during the turn of the century.

and to think, we ( man ) created this crap.
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