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Old 02-14-2016, 11:55 AM
 
8,018 posts, read 6,562,048 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scooby Snacks View Post
I have brought this up before, because people continuously advise others to "just be themselves." That is impossible because each of us presents more than one self to the world. There is no singular self; rather, we have several selves. There is the self we present when we are alone (probably our most true self), the self we present to only our spouse, the self we show around our children and other family members, the self we present when out in public, out with our friends, etc, and in each situation, we think and act differently.

Another terrible piece of advice: "Let go and let God." No matter how devout people are, it is up to people and not divine intervention to take action to solve their own problems. Prayer and other religious activities should be an additional tool, not a replacement for actively working to remedy issues in their lives.
Yes if this is the case then it means we are never truly being ourselves in the presence of others. None of us are. All of those other selves we present in front of others are just masks we wear for social occasions.
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Old 02-14-2016, 07:03 PM
 
Location: Missouri, USA
4,244 posts, read 2,941,380 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ro2113 View Post
Be yourself is apparently terrible advice for some people.
I was about to state this one. Presumably you were talking about how jerks shouldn't be themselves, but also, just to get along with others being ourselves is not always a good idea. Sometimes people avoid flaunting aspects of their personalities for very sensible reasons. Sometimes it's just to not be annoying because they know not many people share their interests.

Last edited by Clintone; 02-14-2016 at 07:20 PM..
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Old 02-14-2016, 07:50 PM
 
Location: Somewhere
8,071 posts, read 5,367,363 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scooby Snacks View Post
"Everything happens for a reason." No it doesn't. Some things happen for no reason at all. There is such a thing as coincidence. Or even if events occur that aren't coincidental, many times, we will never know why an event occurred.
I hate that phrase.
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Old 02-16-2016, 08:48 PM
 
2,962 posts, read 2,728,648 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scooby Snacks View Post
"Everything happens for a reason." No it doesn't. Some things happen for no reason at all. There is such a thing as coincidence. Or even if events occur that aren't coincidental, many times, we will never know why an event occurred.

"What goes around comes around" (the nice variation of "karma is a witch.") I don't buy that one either. Although it may comfort us, it's just not true. Many times, the bad guy wins, he doesn't get caught, evil never gets punished, and bad things happen to good people. So why choose to be good rather than evil? Because it's the right thing to do, and that should be reason enough.

So true ^^^ and well stated.
On the 'second' one, if it's within my power and scope, like to surreptitiously expedite Karma


Yes! And someone telling a "mal adjusted" individual to just be themselves often leads me to surreptitiously expedite the alignment of Karmic cosmology.
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Old 02-17-2016, 11:01 AM
 
3,312 posts, read 1,866,230 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clintone View Post
I was about to state this one. Presumably you were talking about how jerks shouldn't be themselves, but also, just to get along with others being ourselves is not always a good idea. Sometimes people avoid flaunting aspects of their personalities for very sensible reasons. Sometimes it's just to not be annoying because they know not many people share their interests.

I think we should be comfortable to be ourselves, at least as a person who doesn't know how to fake it but the reality is being myself seems to lead me to failure even though I'm not malicious. Most of the time sharing my deepest feelings results in ridicule or misunderstanding so it's not that simple.
The hardest thing about being myself is I am reserved IRL..I don't like attention but I know that sometimes you have to draw attention to be successful.
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Old 02-20-2016, 03:45 PM
 
3,293 posts, read 1,874,495 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dinero View Post
3: It gets better after x.
people worship the future as if it's this magical cure all. In the future there will be world peace, a cure for cancer and no more starvation. If you were UNWANTED in highschool because of ugliness and mild retardation what makes you think things will change by the mere passage of time? Issues get worse in time because of entropy. Losers in highschool have it lucky. 10 years later they will be wageslaves, still losers and have health problems on top of all that.
I disagree. I think there are many scenarios in which most people would evaluate their lives as being better after the passage of a certain event. Many people look back at middle school as being a particularly difficult time, for example. Telling a person that their social prospects will get better after middle school is probably true in most cases. This advice you cited is probably even more helpful, and empirically true, in certain specific cases. Maybe being gay in high school is particularly difficult because a person doesn't have too much control over who they associate with. Saying "It gets better when you're an adult" could certainly be true because that person has more opportunity to associate with like-minded people. I can imagine that certain academic programs have hard parts to them -- "it gets better after your second year" might be entirely true.

I think your characterization that losers in high school will become wageslaves is empirically false. I think there are many cases of people who were wildly unpopular in high school who went on to be very successful as adults. In fact, I'm not sure there's any connection between being "not a loser" in high school and being successful as an adult.

Finally, I'm not sure you have any real understanding of what "entropy" means. It has nothing to do with issues getting worse in time.
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Old 02-20-2016, 08:37 PM
 
Location: Somerset UK
59 posts, read 44,844 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate View Post
I'm pretty annoyed by the obsessive avoidance of negativity. That's not to say some people aren't black holes of happiness. But, life is full of negatives. It's OK to be adversely affected by them. It's OK to be frustrated and angry. Not lifelong frustration and anger, but that which makes us human. The ra-ra crowd is ultimately looking to avoid discomfort. It's not about what's best for you. It's about keeping them comfortable.
I'm not completely sold on the bit I've highlighted above. We may have two different takes on who is the "ra-ra crowd", but I don't have a problem with people who choose to find the value in a negative situation and focus on that. I've been a lot happier since I've decided to learn something from the bad that happens. I don't do it to the extent that I deny that it's bad or suppress a natural negative emotional response, just enough that I don't just summarily write a bad outcome off as a total loss.

I don't believe I'm avoiding discomfort when I do this. More like I'm examining what's happened more objectively, from all angles. And it doesn't require creating a false narrative.

Gosh, now I hope I don't come across as too Pollyanna-ish when I encourage others to look for what's useful in the wreckage. At least I'm not smiling when I do it. Does that count?


Quote:
Originally Posted by Scooby Snacks View Post
I have brought this up before, because people continuously advise others to "just be themselves." That is impossible because each of us presents more than one self to the world. There is no singular self; rather, we have several selves. There is the self we present when we are alone (probably our most true self), the self we present to only our spouse, the self we show around our children and other family members, the self we present when out in public, out with our friends, etc, and in each situation, we think and act differently.
Agreed that we wear many masks. I prefer "To thine own self be true" though I've heard good arguments against it. But I tend to think being true to one's principles is workable no matter what mask we're wearing, as long as we aren't so rigid that we don't see where a little bending isn't the same as breaking, and is appropriate to a given situation.

Do you really think all that differently depending on which self you're inhabiting at the moment? I had to think about this. I can't say I do. I may apply a different filter to it, but the way I perceive and reason remains stable across guises. It's my choice of actions that varies.

It annoys me most when people misunderstand "be yourself" as licence to say whatever they heck they want. Unless their self is an inconsiderate little toad; if so, then by all means. Otherwise, a bit of judgement is in order. Judgement is the clothing of self-expression. Nobody wants or should have to deal with your junk hanging out all of the time.
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Old 02-28-2016, 07:29 PM
 
Location: Missouri, USA
4,244 posts, read 2,941,380 times
Reputation: 1991
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nickchick View Post
I think we should be comfortable to be ourselves, at least as a person who doesn't know how to fake it but the reality is being myself seems to lead me to failure even though I'm not malicious. Most of the time sharing my deepest feelings results in ridicule or misunderstanding so it's not that simple.
The hardest thing about being myself is I am reserved IRL..I don't like attention but I know that sometimes you have to draw attention to be successful.
I change my behavior around different people. I don't feel like one "me" is more "me" than the other. I just tend to change because I like getting along with people and don't have many preferences regarding activities with other. So long as we're not watching a sport or talking for an extended period of time, I'll do anything or eat anything or go anywhere with anyone.

It can be beneficial to have deep, soul-bearing conversations, but I don't think that's necessary to do with everyone.
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Old 02-28-2016, 07:32 PM
 
Location: Missouri, USA
4,244 posts, read 2,941,380 times
Reputation: 1991
Another piece of advice I don't like is "have confidence..." although there are exceptions. When you're trying to impress someone, you need confidence. People like confidence too. It seems like it's used as a cure-all though. Sometimes it's important to have more than confidence. You actually have to have some idea of what you're doing too.
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Old 03-22-2016, 03:52 AM
 
26,160 posts, read 15,279,225 times
Reputation: 17235
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dinero
What mainstream advice you hate the most
Any and ALL advise in MSM!!

I look to myself for answers and guidence..........
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