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Old 05-02-2016, 12:00 PM
 
Location: Both sides of the Red River
780 posts, read 1,957,001 times
Reputation: 1100

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If these so called "friends" of yours are giving you a hard time about not embracing their white bread lifestyle, then I think it is time to get some new friends. People who are truly happy in their lifestyle would never make others feel bad for doing something different. My guess is that they are secretly envious of you since you were able to finish a very rigorous degree program while they were knee deep in baby poop/vomit.

Don't get me wrong, I think kids are a blessing IF you are ready to have them. I think about how I was when I was 25, I could barely take care of myself! Statistically speaking, 40-50% these girls that you went to high school with will be divorced by the time you are 40, and a good remainder of the married ones will be miserable and full of regret.

One a related note, I would strongly consider relocating. People pooping out kids in there early 20s is NOT normal in most of the country. I lived in Oklahoma and Texas for the duration of my 20s, where the culture is very conservative as well, and even here it is pretty rare for professional types to get married before 27-8ish, much less have kids.
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Old 05-02-2016, 12:11 PM
 
Location: USA
6,220 posts, read 5,337,322 times
Reputation: 10632
It sounds like you live in a small town or a rural area. I grew up in such an area. Many people had kids at a early age and ended up in the minimum wage/welfare lifestyle.
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Old 05-02-2016, 12:15 PM
 
Location: Huntsville, AL
2,851 posts, read 906,406 times
Reputation: 5409
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaellys View Post
I'm getting older, I'm 25 and I just graduated nursing school. I don't have kids or a boyfriend. Most girls my age are married and have kids. I feel so inadequate to these girls I went to high school with that went into raising a family instead of going to college
S.L.O.W. D.O.W.N.....


You're only 25... I have socks older than that!... lol
You've got lots of time on your hands to find the right person, get married, settle down and raise a family.
Some of those girls that went from high school to the maternity ward will be or are already, divorced, raising their kids by themselves... Don't be 'that' kind of mother... Find the right man and in a few years you'll look back at this conversation and shake your head and say, 'Wow... was I ever not getting it'...
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Old 05-02-2016, 02:08 PM
 
Location: Myrtle Creek, Oregon
12,131 posts, read 12,429,966 times
Reputation: 19166
Cultural background has a lot to do with this. Japanese girls are considered too old to be marriageable at 25, and are expected to have at least one child by then. There are other immigrant groups who feel the same. There is even some biological basis for the attitude. A woman's best chance of having a trouble-free pregnancy is between the ages of 16 and 23. Modern medicine has made that pretty irrelevant, and modern society has made that undesirable.

I'm more concerned that she doesn't have a boyfriend. That speaks to a pretty narrow social life that needs to open up a bit. Maybe she could join a ski club or scuba club that caters to young professional people. Before she starts having babies she needs to find a guy she enjoys spending time with, and it's best if she has a number of guys to choose from.
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Old 05-02-2016, 03:22 PM
 
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
7,235 posts, read 4,110,132 times
Reputation: 18099
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
Behind in life? Good grief! Where is the time table that says anyone has to do what, when?
THIS. Life isn't a race, there is no "ahead" or "behind."
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Old 05-02-2016, 07:24 PM
 
224 posts, read 210,578 times
Reputation: 325
Don't feel too bad i'm in the same boat, In my 20's no kids and at one point i heard my folks even say that they thought i was homosexual because i didn't have children or wasn't in an relationship. Its really depressing to say the least, I try not to let it affect me much - the way i see it; the right one will come along eventually.
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Old 05-03-2016, 10:14 AM
 
5,006 posts, read 13,837,894 times
Reputation: 2422
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaellys View Post
I'm getting older, I'm 25 and I just graduated nursing school. I don't have kids or a boyfriend. Most girls my age are married and have kids. I feel so inadequate to these girls I went to high school with that went into raising a family instead of going to college
I once read an article where they took a poll and over 90 percent of the women who had children wouldn't have had them knowing what they knew then.

I never had children and never wanted them. I had friends that told me that I was selfish and wouldn't I want to give my husband a baby. They were miserable with their own. Don't listen to your friends. Also, you will have a boyfriend soon enough.
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Old 05-03-2016, 01:30 PM
 
Location: Myrtle Creek, Oregon
12,131 posts, read 12,429,966 times
Reputation: 19166
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drkness View Post
Don't feel too bad i'm in the same boat, In my 20's no kids and at one point i heard my folks even say that they thought i was homosexual because i didn't have children or wasn't in an relationship. Its really depressing to say the least, I try not to let it affect me much - the way i see it; the right one will come along eventually.
If there is one piece of advice I would give young people, it's to not get sucked into pairing off as soon as you meet someone. My wife and I were friends for 3 years before we ever had our first date. We knew each other very well, had a mutual circle of friends and knew that we enjoyed each other's company. This October we will have been married 30 years, and still haven't had our first fight. We knew we were compatible before we had our first date. Both of us dated in that early 3 years, but nothing that lasted.

Very few things in this life are as devastating as getting stuck married to the wrong person. Very few things are as wonderful as being married to the right person. If someone gets on your nerves or you find yourself walking on eggshells to please them, get rid of them and keep looking until you find someone who wants the same things you do, the same way you want them. Compatibility is everything. Every time my wife and I hear how you have to "work" at marriage, we give each other a look and a little smirk.
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Old 05-03-2016, 09:25 PM
 
12,566 posts, read 10,440,905 times
Reputation: 17362
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaellys View Post
I'm getting older, I'm 25 and I just graduated nursing school. I don't have kids or a boyfriend. Most girls my age are married and have kids. I feel so inadequate to these girls I went to high school with that went into raising a family instead of going to college
I don't know where you're from and what ages people typically get married and start having kids, or how wealthy the area is and how well educated people are and want to be, but I come from a town in Northeastern NJ that is pretty wealthy in a generally wealthy state and metro region where people do go to college and grad school and focus on careers. It's often described as a "rat race" here, keeping up with the Jonses mentality, live to work, whether or not it's totally true is debatable, but definitely for some. Anyway, most of my friends are going onto grad school now as we have pretty much graduated college within the last year or so. The ones who aren't have jobs, some in NYC. A few have boyfriends, some don't. Not one of my friends my age is married, one is engaged but is a recently certified teacher and has been with her finance since high school.

I have one acquaintance who I went to high school with who moved to PA with her family shortly after high school, just over the NJ border, and is currently pregnant with her third kid at 23. She had her first kid in May 2014, her second in June 2015, and is due this August (2016 obviously). 3 kids in 3 years. To me, this is insanity at her age and in her position. I don't envy her at all. I actually think she's quite irresponsible, as she is just engaged to the father (they got engaged last year, when she was pregnant with baby #2), and does not have a college education. Neither does he. Given how expensive this area is, their outlook looks pretty bleak. They already admitted to having financial struggles, yet they wanted to get pregnant again. I think it's going to be very tough for them raising three little ones close in age without college degrees and with money troubles already. I don't see them lasting, because they have relationship issues as well. She is SO happy though. She's wanted to be a mom since we were in middle school. It's all she would talk about. She loves her life. So, whatever floats her boat...

Do not feel bad. You are incredibly accomplished for your age, and you should be so proud of that. You have made the time to get YOUR life in order before bringing others into it, especially kids. You have a good degree (nurses are always needed!) and presumably will have a good job making at least decent money. You have figured yourself out, and your own life. Everything can come next naturally. You should not feel bad for wanting to become someone or something, do good, and get an education. You are a professional with a good degree. You should be very proud.

I would not want to be someone who decided to get married young and have kids and not go to college. Getting married young and having kids, okay, but college for me is a must. It's just part of the values my family and I hold. If people can pull it off, and be financially sound, more power to them, but my focus now is MY life. I want to be financially independent and know I can and will be in the future if needed, with a husband and kids or not. I think this is very important. I think it's empowering, actually, when young women focus on educations and careers rather than getting married and having babies and being stay at home moms. Not that there is anything wrong with that, of course, I am not judging anyone (well, except those making stupid decisions like having more kids when they have financial issues) but for me personally, I do think it's great when a young woman nowadays wants to become a professional.
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Old 05-05-2016, 02:33 PM
 
3,118 posts, read 1,436,259 times
Reputation: 2385
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaellys View Post
I'm getting older, I'm 25 and I just graduated nursing school. I don't have kids or a boyfriend. Most girls my age are married and have kids. I feel so inadequate to these girls I went to high school with that went into raising a family instead of going to college
You should be thanking your lucky stars you don't. From what I've seen, more than half the people who talk about you having kids just want you to have kids so they can have someone to suffer with. HAHA. I saw a lot of people getting married straight out of high school and sometimes in college. Most of those relationships will not last because it's often rushed and so I would not look at yourself as being behind. You are probably saving yourself a big headache and an unwanted pregnancy. You just graduated nursing school and so probably will want to prepare as much as possible before having kids (if YOU want to have kids). Don't worry about what others are doing. Congratulations and have some fun. You are still young and should enjoy it before making the decision to have children.
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