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To me, with my ex boyfriend. Of course I have a lot of memories. Then I look back and think did he really mean those things? I feel he didn't or we'd still be together. Just as with friends or family members I've lost touched with (not dead just not really talking), I think why did I go throw the trouble of befriending them?
Don't question the good you've had...don't turn it into something else.
Sometimes relationships just don't work out..it doesn't mean it was all bad.
You go through the trouble (personally I don't call it trouble) of befriending them because you desire friendship...you care...you like companionship, friends.
There's nothing bad about that, even when there's no guarantee it will last.
We have friends we've known for decades....sometimes we don't speak to each other for years...they're still friends though, and I'm glad I met them.
Just as with friends or family members I've lost touched with (not dead just not really talking), I think why did I go through the trouble of befriending them?
This is a little like when people ask, what's the point of living, we're all going to die anyway? Well obviously the point of loving, or living, is to do so while you are able and while it lasts. Refusing to find meaning and purpose or enjoyment simply because you're not immortal (or of such significance that you will never be forgotten) is really just throwing a childish fit and cutting off your nose to spite your face, as they say.
With respect to love this is caught in the aphorism, "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
I've lost my mother, eldest brother, previous wife and my son to untimely death. I can't see how I would do them justice by forgetting about them on the one hand or pining endlessly for them on the other. All things are impermanent. Anything you treasure can be taken from you at any time, for any reason or no reason at all. This is just life. Once you "price that in" you can be more resilient. Also, it will help you to be in the moment and to leave nothing unsaid or undone that you might regret later on, because you won't be kidding yourself that your spouse or child or job or whatever is somehow magically everlasting. It is all ephemeral and to be treasured while you have it.
Hard to tell. Both make you feel crummy. Pining for love and feeling lonely feels like crap and can make you depressed. But feeling rejected and hurt from a lost romance/friendship are also crummy and hurts like mad. So pick your poison.
This is a little like when people ask, what's the point of living, we're all going to die anyway? Well obviously the point of loving, or living, is to do so while you are able and while it lasts. Refusing to find meaning and purpose or enjoyment simply because you're not immortal (or of such significance that you will never be forgotten) is really just throwing a childish fit and cutting off your nose to spite your face, as they say.
With respect to love this is caught in the aphorism, "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
I've lost my mother, eldest brother, previous wife and my son to untimely death. I can't see how I would do them justice by forgetting about them on the one hand or pining endlessly for them on the other. All things are impermanent. Anything you treasure can be taken from you at any time, for any reason or no reason at all. This is just life. Once you "price that in" you can be more resilient. Also, it will help you to be in the moment and to leave nothing unsaid or undone that you might regret later on, because you won't be kidding yourself that your spouse or child or job or whatever is somehow magically everlasting. It is all ephemeral and to be treasured while you have it.
This only trivializes some people's beliefs.
I cannot tell someone, especially someone I don't know whether or not love is worth the pain and suffering that comes with it because I am not that person, I have not walked a mile in their shoes or see the world the way they see it.
It's up to them to decide whether love is worth it just like it is up to a person to decide whether life itself is worth it. There's no right and wrong answer it is their answer which may be different from my answer or your answer.
If you say so. I was not suggesting that people's pain is negligible, only that it's inevitable and decrying it is not an actionable strategy that actually accomplishes something or makes it better. On the other hand, accepting what you have while you have it, being present with it while it's there, and letting it go when it's gone, leads to better levels of contentment in my experience.
It is certainly within anyone's rights to be discontent, bitter, angry, resentful, and/or hopeless, and it's their needle to thread, as you point out. I just don't recommend it.
I have a lot that I could be bemoaning in my life. I scarcely recognize it compared to what I chose / worked for / aspired to. I don't recognize my thrice-married, once-divorce, once-widowed, godless, asexual self and have pretty much become everything I once despised. Either one adapts or one collapses under it all. That is all I'm really saying.
Once I let go of my expectations, I am free to notice that I have a wonderful career that pays me well and doesn't overwork me, that I am debt free, sitting in front of a pleasant fireplace writing this on a slick MacBook Air, and at least for the present I do not fear war, pillaging invaders, power outages, pestilence, homelessness or starvation. That is no small thing. But it could be completely overlooked if I didn't "trivialize" my old beliefs as you put it.
Of course hate is just the flip side of love ... it is disappointed love. The true opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.
It would be nice if love were never disappointed, and it would be beautiful if there were no impediments to it. Though I suppose some would argue that it wouldn't be so precious if not so hard-fought for.
Awareness is always traumatic, it comes suddenly and it is proof that there is no free will, but a scripted destiny
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