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We all start out with people who are in our own socio-economic group. Some doing slightly better, some not quite so well. As life goes on some of those gaps between those doing well and those not doing well can start to widen. Yet at the same time, some (most) of us try NOT to lose true friends over money.
But what happens when you start to move into pre-retirement and retirement age? Along the way you may have tried to help your friends with small loans or give them advice on how to get ahead. For some, the advice may have helped, for some it may not.
What do you do about friends to have reached retirement age with nothing in their pockets - and then circumstance catches up with them in the form of lost jobs or homes? Do you carry them for as long as you can? Do you turn them away and say sorry, I have to look out for my own future and helping you financially is dragging on my own future?
I always thought it would be easier to be very rich and have poor friends. Being very middle class and having poor friends though is a huge strain.
I think its best to keep money away from friendship. Money has a way of making everything ugly. Also giving advice should only be given when asked. I am not at pre-retirement age but I am at a age where most people are settling down & the difference between those who got their act together vs. those who are still lost is clear. Sometimes it is frustrating & I have given advise but I also realize, those of us who have things semi-set are messed up in our own way. We all have problems, its different problem. So we listen and sympathies & give suggestion when asked. But I don't expect them to follow thru just as I know I have flaws in life that I am not following thru.
Life happens, ignore the class difference. It is hard because you can't be on same vacation or discuss future plan because you have very different lifestyle (ability). So you have to pick and choose which friend you discuss what with.
Some people are financially illiterate and have no concept of money, except how to spend it. Don't feel sorry for them if that's the case. So yes, you would turn those people away. I told a woman friend of mine she could not move in with me. She's been married 3 times, never saved a dime in her life. She's in her 60s now and shops every weekend buying clothes, jewelry, 'stuff'. It's just crazy. Don't enable that. If you try to give any advice, she just tells you "mind your own business". I've been places with her and every credit card she pulled out was rejected. She blames the store. Whatever.
We all have ups and downs in life so I would lend a helping hand if within my means, otherwise maybe offer mental support if they need a listening ear.
I'd probably start by not considering them to have failed in life.
Yeah, "failed in life" is extremely harsh and insulting. The only 'failure in life' is to stop breathing and die. As long as you breathe, there his hope for anything possible; anything beneficial/productive. People who judge and say "You're a failure" aren't worthy of having friends. The only hope would be if they dump their evil ways, and asked the friend for forgiveness.
We all start out with people who are in our own socio-economic group. Some doing slightly better, some not quite so well. As life goes on some of those gaps between those doing well and those not doing well can start to widen. Yet at the same time, some (most) of us try NOT to lose true friends over money.
But what happens when you start to move into pre-retirement and retirement age? Along the way you may have tried to help your friends with small loans or give them advice on how to get ahead. For some, the advice may have helped, for some it may not.
What do you do about friends to have reached retirement age with nothing in their pockets - and then circumstance catches up with them in the form of lost jobs or homes? Do you carry them for as long as you can? Do you turn them away and say sorry, I have to look out for my own future and helping you financially is dragging on my own future?
I always thought it would be easier to be very rich and have poor friends. Being very middle class and having poor friends though is a huge strain.
How do you deal with it?
I have a few friends who have failed miserably.
They fell for the lie that money is the measure of success in life. I don't waste my time trying help them, they aren't ready until life has beat them up, most people aren't teachable until they're good and bloody.
It's the "things" that people value that separate them from others in life.
Yeah, "failed in life" is extremely harsh and insulting. The only 'failure in life' is to stop breathing and die. As long as you breathe, there his hope for anything possible; anything beneficial/productive. People who judge and say "You're a failure" aren't worthy of having friends. The only hope would be if they dump their evil ways, and asked the friend for forgiveness.
Failure is subjective. Its an opinion. To one person failure means they didn't become a millionaire. To someone else failure might mean they didn't find a cure for some disease. See their face on a magazine cover. Didn't follow a vocation. Didn't give enough to charity. Didn't marry and produce decent humans. Does any of that matter if you can live in peace with yourself and the people you care about? So much of what people use to judge each other is unimportant baggage. Superficial bragging rights. Desperate attempts to feel better about themselves.
Frankly, I probably know one person who I would consider a "failure at life". It has nothing to do with finances. The other people I know are all decent human beings who respect other human beings and who do their best not to judge others so harshly.
A relative once told me I'd be a bag lady by the time I was 40. Now I can blame the cruelty of the statement on their own rigid view of life. Its now 25 years after their little prediction. I am modestly retired from a public service career I worked dutifully but not too brilliantly for, in a home I own outright, in a beautiful rural place, surrounded by cherished artwork, music, literature, and animals, with a few life long friends, knowing I didn't cheat, deceive, or steal from anyone in order to get here. I'll never be rich, never cure cancer, never solve the world's problems, or have statues erected in my honor. But, I also know that this person was wrong.
Last edited by Parnassia; 01-12-2018 at 02:12 AM..
A relative once told me I'd be a bag lady by the time I was 40. Now I can blame the cruelty of the statement on their own rigid view of life. Its now 25 years after their little prediction. I am modestly retired from a public service career I worked dutifully but not too brilliantly for, in a home I own outright, in a beautiful rural place, surrounded by cherished artwork, music, literature, and animals, with a few life long friends, knowing I didn't cheat, deceive, or steal from anyone in order to get here. I'll never be rich, never cure cancer, never solve the world's problems, or have statues erected in my honor. But, I also know that this person was wrong.
So did they ever acknowledge their mistake or take back the comment? Something like that said to me would lead me to cut that person off for good.
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