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No problem. If you decide you are not good at it, it means you attempted to form a relationship. Did you think there was a benefit?
I think you described quite well how I feel about relationships. While I *have* them, I mostly keep to myself. Or at least I prefer it. My friends on the other hand don't let me get away that easy but they know the boundaries.
No problem. If you decide you are not good at it, it means you attempted to form a relationship. Did you think there was a benefit?
I think you described quite well how I feel about relationships. While I *have* them, I mostly keep to myself. Or at least I prefer it. My friends on the other hand don't let me get away that easy but they know the boundaries.
I have attempted to form many relationships....but as you, there are boundaries which most people don't have or understand....and people tend to smother..makes me very nervous.
This particular cousin, that I speak of is a nice girl...she's been thru some very hard times....so I wanted to be very careful not to hurt her. Patience and complete honesty is best....
So, while I have a network of friends, they have learned I can't live my life by their expectations. When you try to set up expectations you set people up to fail....and a lot of people won't understand that.
As far as any benefit? I don't look for any...but don't think b/c I've allowed you to be my friend, you get to invade my private life....or be smothering...calling me every night as soon as I get home from work, etc....
you have to respect people's boundaries...and we are not all the same. Also, I have learned to be upfront with people right off the bat, telling them I'm a loner, and am not in need of people in my life all the time....once in a while is fine....even holidays are becoming a quiet time that I look forward to....
I have attempted to form many relationships....but as you, there are boundaries which most people don't have or understand....and people tend to smother..makes me very nervous.
This particular cousin, that I speak of is a nice girl...she's been thru some very hard times....so I wanted to be very careful not to hurt her. Patience and complete honesty is best....
So, while I have a network of friends, they have learned I can't live my life by their expectations. When you try to set up expectations you set people up to fail....and a lot of people won't understand that.
As far as any benefit? I don't look for any...but don't think b/c I've allowed you to be my friend, you get to invade my private life....or be smothering...calling me every night as soon as I get home from work, etc....
you have to respect people's boundaries...and we are not all the same. Also, I have learned to be upfront with people right off the bat, telling them I'm a loner, and am not in need of people in my life all the time....once in a while is fine....even holidays are becoming a quiet time that I look forward to....
Wow! This post is me. LOL. I am not an enabler for either negative people or "positive only" thinking people so that eliminates many people. It also leaves me out of many political and religious discussions so there's that.
sharing this to try and help people aware to be a little more aware outside of themselves.
All you can do is be yourself and if you are happy with spending more of your time alone or setting boundaries to friendships, that's what counts because it is your life after all. But just as you don't understand their need for closeness or people wanting to spend more time with you, you really can't expect them to completely understand you either. They may not understand it, but that does not necessarily mean they are not aware.
All you can do is be yourself and if you are happy with spending more of your time alone or setting boundaries to friendships, that's what counts because it is your life after all. But just as you don't understand their need for closeness or people wanting to spend more time with you, you really can't expect them to completely understand you either. They may not understand it, but that does not necessarily mean they are not aware.
You are absolutely right and appreciate that reminder, thank you....
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