Making friends (Pittsburgh, Rochester: appointed, home, high school)

[Loveallrace]

I have lived in Pittsburgh over a year now but it is very tough making friends other than people I meet at work.

Most of the friends I made are not from around here and I am hoping someone could advise me on this. I have met many pittsburghers but most chooses to keep me at arms length.

The city itself is far better than Rochester, NY and safer too. I am originally from Singapore so any tips would be greatly appreciated!

[Gerbil]

I have heard it said that many natives don't befriend out-of-towners easily, for whatever reason. Perhaps because they already have a circle of friends and aren't seeking more.

As a native myself I can tell you that is not true of everyone, though. The only advice I can offer is to continue going out and meeting people. Maybe join some groups, take some classes that interest you, or volunteer. You are most likely to meet others who are seeking friends by doing social activities.

There are a lot of friendly people here, so I hope you won't be too disappointed by the ones who seem to keep you "at arms length." Not everyone is like that.

[Loveallrace]

Thanks for the positive input. I am not about to give up on meeting real pittsburger!

[Hopes]

Originally Posted by Gerbil

Maybe join some groups, take some classes that interest you, or volunteer.

This is agreat advice. It's near impossible to form deep friendships from casual encounters.

Getting involved in activities or other interests will allow an opportunity to get to know people well enough to form long lasting bonds.

[Katiana]

If you go to church, find a church home. They are always more than happy for volunteers! Also, many have book groups, craft groups, fellowship groups, so it's not just all religion.

[leogurl24]

I completely agree! It's VERY hard to make friends in Pittsburgh. I have lived here for 4 years this week and really can't say that I have "GOOD FRIENDS" here. Ironically, people here are very friendly, but they do tend to keep you at arm's length. I have no idea why? Another ironic thing: this is a college town and you would think with the number of out of towners this city gts, it would be easy to make friends from the influx of people coming in? That might exactly be the reason it's hard to make friends here. I'm a very outgoing person. I have invited people to do things, only to see they dismiss me and end up doing things with their other friends. (I see this happening on social networking sites, ie MySpace/Facebook). Whatever!

[WILWRadio]

^^^This is also very common in New England. I see this is a very similar trait in western PA. People have a tendency to develop strong friendships during their grade school years to high school and/or in college. Typically many of these friendships will remain until either someone moves out of the region or passes away. People in New England want familiarity and don't like change. I have this same perception of western PA as well. New Englanders typically make friends based upon common interests and hobbies and less so by social class. Conversely, in my current home of Kansas City I've found it much harder to make friends here because I have nothing in common with these people and I come from a very different socio economic class than they. I think these people are more concerned with your social status (either perceived or real) than whether or not they have the right characteristics to build a strong relationship with one another. Thus, I see a lot of fair weather friend relationships out here but few people that have what I perceive as being good strong and healthy relationships with others.

Have you tried joining clubs or going to places to meet others that share the same hobbies or interests? That might be a good first step. Work is not always the best place to meet people because ultimately getting too familiar can lead to friction at work.

[fleetiebelle]

And if you're fresh out of school, you might have to change your mindset about making friends. In college or high school, you're surrounded by people your own age and have a built-in set of activities. Once you get older, you have to work a little harder and broaden your horizons to find friends.

[gaelgirl]

I can see people being friendly and keeping you at arms length, but what part of the country is any adult going to bring you into their fold of close friends so quickly?

I don't know if that's a function of people in this part of the country as much as it's a function of being an adult in the working world.

[engineerman66]

Pittsburgh Sports League (PSL) is your answer: PUMP - Pittsburgh Urban Magnet Project - Pittsburgh Sports League

I have made countless random good friends from it AND you can signup randomly. They have co-ed year round activities from darts to dodgeball to running. You dont have to be an athlete to have fun either.