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Hello Pittsburgh forum, I recently started a thread in which I introduced myself and mentioned that I'll be attending Pittsburgh Theological Seminary. I do have one more thing to say that I've decided to post in a new thread. Since humans are "social beings," there's always the question of "How easy will it be to make friends in my new city?" In all my travels and investigations, I know it is generally harder to make friends "up north," because people are generally more "reserved," if you will. In other words, you have to get to know them first and then they will open up, whereas in the south (GA, AL, MS, LA, TX, etc.) strangers would give people the shirt off their backs.
As an example: My top choice school was actually Columbia Theological Seminary (CTS) in Decatur, GA (outside of Atlanta). But I didn't get in and I don't know why (the admissions was like, "But you can reapply next year...."). It could be a blessing in disguise, because I do not want to live where it's summer 5-6 months a year (I'd rather have winter 5-6 months a year in western PA ). But one main reason why I liked CTS was because of how friendly the people seemed in Decatur. Random strangers say hello in the neighborhood, for instance. Yes, yes. I know. I know. In Atlanta (and even Georgia in general), people tend to be the "superficial/fake" friendly type. They don't know me, so the friendliness can only be "superficial" at first. Having said that, I attended CTS's open house back in the fall and at the end of the day, I had a couple ask me if I wanted to hang out with them in downtown Decatur (and, as always, I regret declining, but I was too tired at the time). And yes, they were both from Georgia natively. Fast forward to February, my visit to Pittsburgh Theological Seminary. The ones who were nice enough to show me around and even give me a driving tour of Pittsburgh were all from out-of-state. I met one student from Erie, PA, who was friendly but didn't want to be friends with me. There was also a couple (a mother and her daughter) visiting from central PA, and they didn't even try to talk to me.
I don't want to be like, "Well, three Pennsylvanians didn't want to be my friend, so that must mean ALL Pennsylvanians will be like that." That'd be a really unfair overgeneralization. I know I need to give myself more time. But just to be fair, I've also lived in Texas, where's it supposedly really easy to make friends, but during my year in Austin, not once did I hang out with a group of friends...if anything, my colleagues treated me like crap! On the flip side, I've also lived in Seattle (I've lived all over!), where it's supposedly really difficult to make friends, but I met one native of Seattle who is nothing but friendly and hospitable, and he and his wife did want to hang out with me and get to know me and I still have his contact info for when I'm ever back in Seattle!
I'm aware of things like Bible study groups and meetup.com groups (some of which are Christian-oriented, but I have other hobbies too, like mountain biking, hiking, and camping). There are opportunities to meet people. I'm not saying there aren't. Bottom line is, in the South, I would probably have neighbors (and people in general) invite me over for food and fellowship within a week or two. It would take MUCH longer to get to that point in up north.
I don't know what I expect to accomplish by writing this "rant" (for lack of a better term). I imagine the only responses I'll get are "Pittsburgh is about average in friendliness...just like anywhere else," or, "If you're friendly to people, they will usually be friendly to you in return (unless they're having a really bad day or something)."
Try groups like Meetup where people are actually out to make friends. And the middle of winter would be a terrible time to strike a conversation with a stranger outdoors. Wait until the summer when everyone is relaxed and enjoying those warm summer days.
I'm originally from New England, which is one of the most reserved parts of the nation. Compared to where I grew up, the Pittsburgh area is pretty outgoing. People will engage in short light conversation with strangers (which weirded me out when I first moved here) but not to the extent they do down South or in the Midwest. Central Pennsylvania (especially the area around Lancaster) is notably more icy socially than the Pittsburgh area, so your experience there should not be taken as indicative of this area.
One thing you need to get used to about Pittsburghers however is they are a very, very blunt people. It's a bit of a stereotype, but I've found it to be true that people are more likely to say horribly offensive things by accident to you in Pittsburgh than virtually anywhere else I have lived. People just have no filter here.
I didn't grow up in Pittsburgh, so almost everyone I've met here has been from a variety of social circles.
1. I do a lot of autocross events. While large segments of the car community can be kind of stand-offish or hyper competitive, autocross is almost the opposite. Just going to an event and telling someone you're new will net you probably 20-30 people chomping at the bit to help you get into it and talk about cars (if that's your thing). They're relatively cheap ($20-$30) for an entire day of racing and car stuff.
2. I used to play in bands (and still do, sorta, I guess), and from that I've made other friends from playing shows with other bands and meeting people through various circles of band/music friends. Music is a huge connector, and I've found usually people into certain types of music typically pair up and friend well with others into the same type of music. I'm a bit of a metal head and into a lot of progressive type of stuff - if my wife were deep into country music, I don't know that we'd be compatible as people, haha.
3. Pittsburgh if I'm not mistaken is in the top 5 in the country for bars per capita. Went to a happy hour last night in the South Side at The Smiling Moose and ended up talking to and making friends with 3 different people over the course of 2 hours just sitting at the bar. Ended up hanging out with 2 other people as well that evening that I've been friends with for a while (one for about 6 months, the other for about 6 years), both of whom I also met at various bars over the years. I used to be fairly introverted, but when sitting at the bar, it's just as easy as asking someone what they're drinking or eating, talking about beer or food, then that's kind of an ice breaker to spiral into other conversations. Some bars are better for this than others, but just my experience.
While it looks like you have your own hobbies that are likely different than mine, at the end of the day it's mostly just been about inserting myself into social situations with others who have similar hobbies. So the goal becomes: How do I figure out where people meet and discuss things you're into? I would imagine there's various Facebook groups for some of the outdoors stuff, I'm sure others here might know as well. Even going to bike or outdoor type shops and talking to people that work there could probably give you a pretty good idea as well. Just gotta put yourself out there.
And on another note about Pittsburgh friendliness:
When I first moved here, I was walking down the street and someone looked up and said hi as they were passing me. After they walked past, I turned around to see who they were talking to in case someone was following me, and no one was there. They were saying hi to me?!? It caught me off guard, as where I came from people would use eye contact as an excuse to start something or might perceive it as weakness. Since then, I try to return the favor and pay it forward. Every city has its share of jerks (or jagoffs - which is easily my favorite Pittsburghese word), but I've found most people here to be pretty open, especially for a 'northern' city.
Central Pennsylvania (especially the area around Lancaster) is notably more icy socially than the Pittsburgh area, so your experience there should not be taken as indicative of this area.
It's just our culture. I grew up there. It's very much a "mind your own business" and "don't inconvenience other people" mindset. The people are certainly not superficial, but they are pleasant and kind - just a bit stand-offish and reserved. It is a land of long-standing local communities and connections though - my family tree (researched back to the colonial era) would fit within a 50 mile radius in Central Pennsylvania. So it is very hard for outsiders to break in socially to that area - as you can see many times elsewhere on C-D. I felt very much at home during the times I visited Germany - our culture is very much derived from theirs (as so many people in that area are descended from Swiss Mennonites and from other Germanic groups).
Pittsburgh, from my perspective and experience, is a place where people are superficially nice - but it is also very hard to break into social circles as an outsider, given how close-knit communities here are. If you do manage to gain a local as a close friend, chances are you'll also be adding members of their circle to yours as well. People will say hi here and shoot the breeze, but its hard to make friends as so many people already have established friend groups and family (in general) is quite important to Pittsburgh culture.
It's just our culture. I grew up there. It's very much a "mind your own business" and "don't inconvenience other people" mindset. The people are certainly not superficial, but they are pleasant and kind - just a bit stand-offish and reserved. It is a land of long-standing local communities and connections though - my family tree (researched back to the colonial era) would fit within a 50 mile radius in Central Pennsylvania. So it is very hard for outsiders to break in socially to that area - as you can see many times elsewhere on C-D. I felt very much at home during the times I visited Germany - our culture is very much derived from theirs (as so many people in that area are descended from Swiss Mennonites and from other Germanic groups).
Pittsburgh, from my perspective and experience, is a place where people are superficially nice - but it is also very hard to break into social circles as an outsider, given how close-knit communities here are. If you do manage to gain a local as a close friend, chances are you'll also be adding members of their circle to yours as well. People will say hi here and shoot the breeze, but its hard to make friends as so many people already have established friend groups and family (in general) is quite important to Pittsburgh culture.
I can associate with this. We have lived in Pittsburgh almost 5 years. We are a couple in our early 50's, two teenage boys who are very active in sports.
We are moving on next year because my husband found it very very hard to get work here, and we didn't make many friends ; really, probably not one. The first question people ask eh they meet anyone is where did you go to school? We went to school across the pond so it is not a huge talking point.
People have their very large extended families here that are very important and they tend to spend a lot of time with them and not enough time with their friends.
I can associate with this. We have lived in Pittsburgh almost 5 years. We are a couple in our early 50's, two teenage boys who are very active in sports.
50's would be tough anywhere I think, unless you are outgoing or active in some church or sports. It isn't going to fall into your lap that is for sure.
I think these days it is much harder to meet people just going out because everyone is glued to their smartphones and really have no idea of their surroundings. Probably best to join some group with common interest of some sort, sports or intellectual.
People have their very large extended families here that are very important and they tend to spend a lot of time with them and not enough time with their friends.
Sounds about right. I grew up in Pittsburgh. Moved away last year for the second time. It's a very difficult city to make friends in. People aren't looking for new things, and people aren't open minded. I had more friends living about a month in Texas than a lifetime in Pittsburgh. It wasn't me. It was my surroundings.
Sounds about right. I grew up in Pittsburgh. Moved away last year for the second time. It's a very difficult city to make friends in. People aren't looking for new things, and people aren't open minded. I had more friends living about a month in Texas than a lifetime in Pittsburgh. It wasn't me. It was my surroundings.
In Pittsburgh, what neighborhood did you live in, and what was your employment?
It's just our culture. I grew up there. It's very much a "mind your own business" and "don't inconvenience other people" mindset. The people are certainly not superficial, but they are pleasant and kind - just a bit stand-offish and reserved. It is a land of long-standing local communities and connections though - my family tree (researched back to the colonial era) would fit within a 50 mile radius in Central Pennsylvania. So it is very hard for outsiders to break in socially to that area - as you can see many times elsewhere on C-D. I felt very much at home during the times I visited Germany - our culture is very much derived from theirs (as so many people in that area are descended from Swiss Mennonites and from other Germanic groups).
Hey, I'm from New England - a place people where if a stranger talks to you for no good reason, you presume they're either asking for money, proselytizing, or insane, so I can relate.
I actually have vaguely-sketeched out ideas to move to the city of Lancaster for retirement (which is still probably 25+ years away though). Seems like the perfect place to be when I get older if I can convince the wife. Who knows what it will be like then.
Anyway, when I first moved to Pittsburgh, I immediately made three good friends. One had moved to the city from outside the area, one was from an outlying county and just finished up college and moved into town, and a third was from Pittsburgh, but had moved away to Texas for a few years and had lost touch with her friends. Only one of them had anything resembling a social network in the city. I think that will be the OP's experience too - the easiest people to become friends with are the people who haven't formed their social networks yet.
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). But one main reason why I liked CTS was because of how friendly the people seemed in Decatur. Random strangers say hello in the neighborhood, for instance. Yes, yes. I know. I know. In Atlanta (and even Georgia in general), people tend to be the "superficial/fake" friendly type. They don't know me, so the friendliness can only be "superficial" at first. Having said that, I attended CTS's open house back in the fall and at the end of the day, I had a couple ask me if I wanted to hang out with them in downtown Decatur (and, as always, I regret declining, but I was too tired at the time). And yes, they were both from Georgia natively. Fast forward to February, my visit to Pittsburgh Theological Seminary. The ones who were nice enough to show me around and even give me a driving tour of Pittsburgh were all from out-of-state. I met one student from Erie, PA, who was friendly but didn't want to be friends with me. There was also a couple (a mother and her daughter) visiting from central PA, and they didn't even try to talk to me.
