Well hello everyone, new in town looking for some friends. (Pittsburgh: apartment, transfer)

[Belizabeth311]

Hello! My boyfriend and I just moved to Oakland from Wilkes-Barre area. Were both transfers to University of Pittsburgh, and are juniors. We have both meet some nice people, but everyone already seems to have their friends and groups and such and its hard to get in. We are just looking for some nice people to hang out with, or maybe places to go specifically to find people looking for some friends? We tried the club thing and stuff like that but its harder then you would think to find a general one. I like to think of myself as outgoing, but when the time goes to talk to people I usually get shy. We love movies partying occasionally, anything in general, not very picky. Basically were sick of looking at each other and need new people in our lives ... any suggestions?

[highway29south]

I always found it to be difficult to make friends in Pittsburgh and I've been here over 20 years! It was just recently that I was able to develop some decent friendships. Though these friends aren't loyal, they are at least people I can talk to.

Pittsburgh is a place where the natives generally do not leave nor is there a great influx of outsiders, so people here tend to have extensive family and friends, all of whom are natives. They really do not need more friends. So getting to know you is a bonus, but not a necessity.

What I've learned in trying to make friends here is that you stay neutral on issues like politics (unless you agree with what is being said), do not bring up other people's behavior (that person may be a friend or family member of who you are talking to), and be open and friendly. Smiling at people and starting a general conversation (how about those Steelers?!) can really help a lot. Pittsburghers tend to be very friendly once they find you are harmless.

Good luck and welcome!

[Hopes]

You need to join clubs and organizations. Take up a sport or a hobby. Fill up your lives with things that interest you collectively and separately. You don't have to do everything together. I think that's a mistake young couples make. When you make friends separately, the other will meet people through the other's new friends and vise versa.

Host some creative parties and invite any and acquaintances. Make sure it's not on the usual days/nights people are busy. Never on a holiday or you're competing with established traditions in people's lives. My sister made tons of friends doing this. I remember once she had a Miss America Party. It was sort of a mockery. Everyone dressed up, and they voted while they watched and drank and mingled.

[Hopes]

Originally Posted by highway29south

Pittsburgh is a place where the natives generally do not leave nor is there a great influx of outsiders, so people here tend to have extensive family and friends, all of whom are natives. They really do not need more friends. So getting to know you is a bonus, but not a necessity.

They are going to college and living in Oakland. Neither are filled with only Pittsburghers.

Originally Posted by highway29south

Do not bring up other people's behavior (that person may be a friend or family member of who you are talking to)

This has more to do with the "If she's saying that about them, what will she say about me when I'm not around?" mindset than anything else.

[BrianTH]

If you are a little shy then I agree with Hopes about the hosting parties idea--being shy isn't really an option for a host.

[Belizabeth311]

We're not like that only looking for friends together...we've been going out for 5 years and have mutual friends, and friends that are only his/hers. I've tried the club/organization and I can only find one's that are related to majors and sports, or arent very well organized and have hardly members. I like watching and playing some sports, but playing them competively is not really my thing. I'm just stuck in were to meet new people.

[Belizabeth311]

Hosting a party is not anything we've really done, and we live in a small apartment. And if we intive the 10 or less acquaintances we have, and only 1 of them show up, it willl be very akward.

[Pittgal]

Check out meetup.com. I joined mommy and family groups on there while we lived in Seatte and that helped us make friends in a new city!

[Fiddlehead]

Originally Posted by Hopes

You need to join clubs and organizations. Take up a sport or a hobby. Fill up your lives with things that interest you collectively and separately. .

I agree with this approach. It seems that volunteering, going on field trips, whatever, is a way to slowly break the ice. And if you are doing things that help your new community, two good things may happen, you will meet optimistic, engaged people, and those people will regard you as a positive person.

Parties and bars are fine, but fast friends over a few pints may not remember you in the morning! Just a suggestion.

Best Wishes, I hope you meet some fine friends soon!

[Hopes]

Originally Posted by Belizabeth311

I've tried the club/organization and I can only find one's that are related to majors and sports, or arent very well organized and have hardly members.

Why stick with the organizations and clubs that are at the college? What about those within the community? What are you passionate about? Are you interested in politics? Is there a social issue you embrace? Did you know there are dinner clubs? I'll bet there is a movie club somewhere. Have you tried using google?