Help me love Pittsburgh!

[Fiddlehead]

Originally Posted by BrianTH

It seems to me the basic source of your discontent is that you have a lot of disregard for the people around you on a daily basis. I won't address whether or not that disregard is justified, but the bottomline is that you will probably continue to feel unhappy and out of place as long as you feel that way.

As for whether a move will fix that, I can't say for sure. But I will note that a certain type of person has viewed hell as being other people for pretty much all of recorded history and in every conceivable type of place, so I would suggest the danger for such a person is that no matter where they moved, they would eventually find themselves disliking the people around them again, and then the cycle would repeat.

But there are no easy answers for such a person--it is one thing to say they should be more positive and accomodating about the foibles and failings of other people, another thing for them to actually internalize such an attitude to the point that it really no longer grates on them to be around other people. This isn't intended to be snarky, but professionals have tried to help such people and it can be really hard--normal relations with others may not be possible, and barely tolerable may be the best they can achieve.

Again, please understand that I am not trying to definitively diagnose you as having such a problem over the Internet. That said, it is in fact a red flag to me that so much of your unhappiness seems to be caused by not liking the people around you (who, in the end, probably aren't much different than people anywhere else).

Nice thoughtful post.

I was tempted to say good riddance when I read all the judgments in the OPs opening post. I do think the OP is expecting a degree of New England-like sophistication that Pittburghers are not likely to value to the same degree. The Scots-Irish roots of the Burgh would suggest they are very likely to react with F*** *ff to people who consider their culture inferior. We have the same issue here in SW Oregon. Many sophisticated exurban people move here from the Bay Area of California, and consider the locals to be hillbillies, redneck, right-wingers, whatever. They are not well-recieved.

This said, the OP did show courage, honesty, and foresight in posting here, and I think with some introspection and a willingness to see things from the locals point of view, he will do better, in Pittsburgh or elsewhere. I wish him the best.

[TelecasterBlues]

I'm going to weigh in, simply saying that Pittsburgh may not necessarily be the best fit. It doesn't matter if the issue is internal or external, an unhappy person is an unhappy person and there's nothing wrong with wanting to see the world. There's so much to see and do in our country that you can't just assume that any one place is the ultimate solution for everybody. Sometimes you have to search, I mean people are just like any other creature on this planet. Every geographical region produces people with unique traits, and every city creates a different breed of people on top of that. It's not healthy to periodically jump around, but it's even less healthy to just sit around in one place while trying to force yourself to believe that it's more than what it is. Pittsburgh does gravitate towards appeasing the locals and those who have grown up with its style of culture from the start, that's certainly no secret.

I'm seeing this as the following: 1) Maine is too small for you, 2) Chicago is too big and hectic for you, 3) Pittsburgh was clearly a nice middle ground, but it doesn't have the type of sophistocation that you're looking for. Your want to return to Chicago has to do with the atmosphere and overall presentation of the city in my oppinion, and you might be best off in a city with the footprint of Pittsburgh but with a more modern feel. I wouldn't just automatically jump to another place, but I really think that Austin would be an awsome fit for you and easily worth a vacation to scout it out. Take a trip, spend a week there, and I think you'll find that it'll be a nice mix of manageable size, a cosmopolitan/modern atmosphere, fun and unique settings, affordability, and most importantly...very easy going people with open-minded outlooks on life. If you are able to "get" Austin on the first trip, you'll know immediately that it's the place for you and shouldn't have a problem with making the move. I'd imagine that there would be a much larger and more established gay community in Austin, and the dating scene overall is about as good as it gets for people from all walks of life due to UT's presence and the city's younger work force. It might work, maybe give it a go before Houston and Dallas. If that doesn't work, then maybe you do belong back home along the east coast, but just not necessarily in Maine.

[quirkyone]

Chicago definitely wasn't too big or hectic for me. The CTA/El helped a lot with that and made the city feel very accessible.

I can't believe I inspired this level of vitriol though. I didn't think I was being that rude. And yes, I am very aware of my New England snobbery. It's an innate, inbred trait like the undesirable traits people of ANY geographic area are going to possess, including Pittsburghers.

Anyhow, to the person that said "good luck" to me finding accepting people in Austin: I've visited Austin. The gay bars are right across the street and intermingled with straight bars and straight people frequent the gay bars and are very polite if you hit on them by accident. Hit on a straight guy in Pittsburgh as a gay guy and see what happens. I am not going to TX EXPECTING racial tolerance; I expect racial tolerance being in a blue state.

I think the biggest things bugging me here isn't the city itself; like I said, I find plenty to do in the city. I think it is work/the gay scene which being in my early 20s are very important social factors going on.

Oh and the part about English...it seems people here have something against the verb "to be". Something "needs cleaned" or "needs done". It makes me cringe.

[Fiddlehead]

How about Providence, RI or Portland, OR? Just ideas.

[Kish]

If I want to remind myself why I love Pittsburgh, I take a bike ride along the riverfront trail from 31st Street Bridge (Washington's Landing) to Point State Park on a nice Sunday afternoon. It's a lovely route, the view of the city across the Allegheny is splendid and there are always loads of people out there enjoying life - walking dogs, riding bikes, jogging, fishing or simply relaxing and having fun. It's what I think a city should be like.

[TechieTransplant]

Originally Posted by quirkyone

I am contemplating a move next year to Texas (Dallas/Austin/Houston) since I feel people there are friendlier and there are better opportunities for a single gay man. I guess I just want to be convinced to stay here and enjoy myself! Help!!!

I think you need to convince yourself to stay, if you can't do that, it's not worth staying.

I guess I don't see this mistreatment of blacks and gays. My wife and I are in a number of different social circles and I see nothing but respect for both. I see a lot of reverse racism, but that's a whole different story.

It sounds like you may have an issue settling down. I think if you keep moving you will get yourself in to a viscous circle you can't get out of.

The Steeler fanatacism is just a part of life here. We have no problem distancing ourselves from it, you can do it too.

[Tallysmom]

Originally Posted by quirkyone

Oh and the part about English...it seems people here have something against the verb "to be". Something "needs cleaned" or "needs done". It makes me cringe.

Oh, my God, get over it! You think people don't find your accent grating?

And what would you think if people went up to Maine and heard that accent and thought all those people were stupid?

[PreservationPioneer]

I'm a young gay male and really haven't encountered many, if any, homophobic attitudes from coworkers or other people I have met in everyday situations. One thing I have noticed about the gay scene in Pittsburgh is a lot of internalized homophobia. Many of the gay/bi men in this region are very closeted, afraid of appearing too "gay" or "feminine," and criticizing each other for doing so, etc. I realize this is an attitude certainly not exclusive to Pittsburgh, but it's not representative of a healthy gay scene, either (IMO).

Also, while I have found it possible to go on dates in this town, many of the guys I have met were surprisingly fickle, hookup-oriented, and pretentious. I don't believe this is a trend exclusive to Pittsburgh, either, but again it's not ideal.

I share the OP's annoyance with the Pittsburgh obsession with sports and football in general, but it is what it is, and I can tolerate it. Pittsburghese is annoying but, again, tolerable.

But I didn't move here for the people -- I moved here for the cool old buildings. lol

[creepsinc]

If you actually consider any of these replies to your OP to be "vitriol", that might be indicative of a hypersensitivity problem, which would manifest itself in any number of ways, not least of which being dislike of wherever you happen to live.

I second the riverfront trail bike-riding idea.

[Geeo]

If it's any help, I came up through the gay culture of the 1980s when I was in my 20s. I was never one for the night scene, though, and found other interests to pursue to meet people. Back in those days (now I sound ancient), there was only the GLCC and a couple of loosely-organized social groups. But I had a blast, met a lot of people, and dated all the time. Today, there are more than 100 gay-oriented organizations in town and you'll meet some great people through GLENDA, G2H2, volleyball, bowling, TNL, music groups and choirs, sports, and other social organizations. Check out the GLCC website for resources. It's all in what you make it.