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Old 10-21-2010, 05:25 AM
 
6 posts, read 6,694 times
Reputation: 19

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Calipoppy,

You are correct when you stated that many non blacks have been taught (and become comfortable) with the notion that blacks are supposed to be on the bottom. Recognize however that it is not the black person's role to educate them or to serve as the shining model minority.

I recently spoke with a friend about this very topic. I've noticed over the years that this particular African American female attorney displays relatively little emotion or empathy in the workplace. If I only knew her in professional settings, I would actually think that she was a sociopath. She's very cold, rarely smiles and always seems to be strategizing her next move.

Her advice was simply, 'treat them as they treat you.' When they inquire about your education, inquire about theirs, when they stare at you, stare back at them. When they question your experience, return the favor in kind. When a waiter is rude or doesn't service you appropriately, get up and leave. When a cab driver inquires about your income, ask about his.

-Very sound advice indeed...
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Old 10-21-2010, 05:37 AM
 
3,172 posts, read 3,060,105 times
Reputation: 3699
Back in the day when I use to care about what someone MIGHT be thinking?
My husband would always say this:
"Why should you care what someone thinks? They can think whatever they want to think! Just as long as they don't touch you, then you come and get me."
This honestly cured me.
Don't even THINK about it.
So what and why should you even care? They will be thinking something else within seconds.
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Old 10-21-2010, 06:25 AM
 
10,963 posts, read 8,014,965 times
Reputation: 3119
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
African Americans don't separate themselves. Society has been holding us separate for more than 300 years now.

If we're all just Americans, why do whites move out of any neighborhood that becomes more than 20% black?
Many people don't see the contradiction between their words and their actions.
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Old 10-21-2010, 07:07 AM
 
24,843 posts, read 32,231,396 times
Reputation: 11446
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nadia_NY2010 View Post
I really dislike reading, -"hold your head up high, you know who you are." Yes, I do know who I am; however, I am tired of going to battle with whites each and every day. The experience has become exasperating. One gets tired of playing the 'teacher' role. It's not my job to educate them, or to serve as the 'model minority.'
Then stop.....how simple is that???
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Old 10-21-2010, 07:08 AM
 
24,843 posts, read 32,231,396 times
Reputation: 11446
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nadia_NY2010 View Post
Calipoppy,

You are correct when you stated that many non blacks have been taught (and become comfortable) with the notion that blacks are supposed to be on the bottom. Recognize however that it is not the black person's role to educate them or to serve as the shining model minority.

I recently spoke with a friend about this very topic. I've noticed over the years that this particular African American female attorney displays relatively little emotion or empathy in the workplace. If I only knew her in professional settings, I would actually think that she was a sociopath. She's very cold, rarely smiles and always seems to be strategizing her next move.

Her advice was simply, 'treat them as they treat you.' When they inquire about your education, inquire about theirs, when they stare at you, stare back at them. When they question your experience, return the favor in kind. When a waiter is rude or doesn't service you appropriately, get up and leave. When a cab driver inquires about your income, ask about his.

-Very sound advice indeed...
There ya go......
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Old 10-21-2010, 09:06 AM
 
Location: Va. Beach
6,396 posts, read 4,382,731 times
Reputation: 2278
Default separate

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
African Americans don't separate themselves. Society has been holding us separate for more than 300 years now.

If we're all just Americans, why do whites move out of any neighborhood that becomes more than 20% black?
1. Nobody is holding you back, as evidenced by others who have posted in here.

2. And why do Whites who move into predominately black neighborhoods get mistreated?

Racism works both ways. I have an advantage as a member of a minority myself, whereas I get to see both sides of the picture, and I have an understanding of both sides.
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Old 10-21-2010, 09:46 AM
 
Location: Va. Beach
6,396 posts, read 4,382,731 times
Reputation: 2278
Default I agree

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nadia_NY2010 View Post
I really dislike reading, -"hold your head up high, you know who you are." Yes, I do know who I am; however, I am tired of going to battle with whites each and every day. The experience has become exasperating. One gets tired of playing the 'teacher' role. It's not my job to educate them, or to serve as the 'model minority.'
You are absolutely right, but let me play devils advocate for a moment.

If not you, then who would you chose to be the "teacher", or "educate 'them' ", or serve as the "model minority"? Who better, then someone who is secure enough in themselves to demonstrate how wrong their preconceived notions, bias's and prejudices are?

People remain prejudiced and biased, quite often because they have never learned otherwise. Until that takes place, simply telling them to get over it, accomplishes nothing. Their views have to change, due to their learning that these views are not accurate, and what better way then to meet a charming person who completely reverses their preconceptions.
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Old 10-21-2010, 09:50 AM
 
1,301 posts, read 1,900,575 times
Reputation: 531
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nadia_NY2010 View Post
Good Morning,

First, I'll begin by stating --I'm African American (born and raised in NY State). After working in NYC for a number of years, I relocated to pursue a new career. Presently, I do a lot of work related traveling; therefore, I venture back to NY on occasion. Because my job finances my travels, I am able to stay at very exclusive hotels in Manhattan. Having this level of 'access' has truly awakened me to the harsh realities of racism.


When I check in at these 'exclusive hotels' I'm often stared at. Many seem to be taken aback that I can 'afford' to stay at such a posh hotel. While using the business facilities, exercising room, etc, I'm greeted with the same level of hostility from the guests (especially white men and women).

I've been told that I look far younger than what I am, and people simply do not expect that a young African American female can afford to stay at such exclusive places. This however strikes me as extremely racist, because it really signifies that people expect blacks to fit into their 'negative stereotypes.' Of course when they come across blacks that don't, it really throws them off; and they do not know what to do.

In truth, my experiences while traveling (especially to NY) have changed my overall disposition. As a result of the racism that I experience, I rarely smile, or say good morning.


Also, sadly, when I show up for work related off-site assignments in NY, the people at the work location seem taken aback that I'm black. The same white people that were extremely friendly over the phone (when we discussed the project during the early phases) appear very shocked that I'm black.

Usually, the meeting goes through several phases, the first phase typically involves a full assessment of my educational background and credentials (despite the fact that technically, I'm the lead on the project and do not work for them). Nevertheless, it always takes a turn for the worst, when they discover that the young black 'girl' is actually highly credentialed and very well qualified. Knowing that I'm a graduate of the Ivy League seems to anger them. Furthermore, once they learn more about my background, they become highly envious.


I've experienced this on multiple occasions. For this reason, I no longer entertain any questions about my background. I do enjoy my line of work, but seriously, it's beginning to take an emotional toll.


Imagine, going to a work site where people constantly question your abilities, and then when you go out for lunch, you can't even receive adequate service from restaurants (primarily in NY) because they view most blacks as poor and insignificant. Also, imagine that when you hail a taxi, and tell the taxi driver where you are going, he seems startled and gears the entire conversation around how you -- 'a black person' can stay at such an exclusive hotel. What's your line of work? What school did you attend? How much money do you make? How did you get that position? Surely the same cab driver would NEVER ask these questions if I were white, because it would be assumed that I 'deserve' to be there.

Lastly, imagine returning to your hotel, only to be met by guests that stare at you (as if you are a wild animal) despite being very professionally dressed.I never really understood the full extent of how racism can impact a person's life, until I started traveling to these elite locations. I'm curious as to how my fellow upwardly mobile African Americans, in similar situations manage to deal with these issues.

Again, it's really starting to take a toll on my health. Any advice that you can provide would be greatly appreciated.
Surely you jest, racism only occurs in the South according to most of the Northeastern intellicuals on here.
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Old 10-21-2010, 09:53 AM
 
1,301 posts, read 1,900,575 times
Reputation: 531
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nadia_NY2010 View Post
Good Morning,

First, I'll begin by stating --I'm African American (born and raised in NY State). After working in NYC for a number of years, I relocated to pursue a new career. Presently, I do a lot of work related traveling; therefore, I venture back to NY on occasion. Because my job finances my travels, I am able to stay at very exclusive hotels in Manhattan. Having this level of 'access' has truly awakened me to the harsh realities of racism.


When I check in at these 'exclusive hotels' I'm often stared at. Many seem to be taken aback that I can 'afford' to stay at such a posh hotel. While using the business facilities, exercising room, etc, I'm greeted with the same level of hostility from the guests (especially white men and women).

I've been told that I look far younger than what I am, and people simply do not expect that a young African American female can afford to stay at such exclusive places. This however strikes me as extremely racist, because it really signifies that people expect blacks to fit into their 'negative stereotypes.' Of course when they come across blacks that don't, it really throws them off; and they do not know what to do.

In truth, my experiences while traveling (especially to NY) have changed my overall disposition. As a result of the racism that I experience, I rarely smile, or say good morning.


Also, sadly, when I show up for work related off-site assignments in NY, the people at the work location seem taken aback that I'm black. The same white people that were extremely friendly over the phone (when we discussed the project during the early phases) appear very shocked that I'm black.

Usually, the meeting goes through several phases, the first phase typically involves a full assessment of my educational background and credentials (despite the fact that technically, I'm the lead on the project and do not work for them). Nevertheless, it always takes a turn for the worst, when they discover that the young black 'girl' is actually highly credentialed and very well qualified. Knowing that I'm a graduate of the Ivy League seems to anger them. Furthermore, once they learn more about my background, they become highly envious.


I've experienced this on multiple occasions. For this reason, I no longer entertain any questions about my background. I do enjoy my line of work, but seriously, it's beginning to take an emotional toll.


Imagine, going to a work site where people constantly question your abilities, and then when you go out for lunch, you can't even receive adequate service from restaurants (primarily in NY) because they view most blacks as poor and insignificant. Also, imagine that when you hail a taxi, and tell the taxi driver where you are going, he seems startled and gears the entire conversation around how you -- 'a black person' can stay at such an exclusive hotel. What's your line of work? What school did you attend? How much money do you make? How did you get that position? Surely the same cab driver would NEVER ask these questions if I were white, because it would be assumed that I 'deserve' to be there.

Lastly, imagine returning to your hotel, only to be met by guests that stare at you (as if you are a wild animal) despite being very professionally dressed.I never really understood the full extent of how racism can impact a person's life, until I started traveling to these elite locations. I'm curious as to how my fellow upwardly mobile African Americans, in similar situations manage to deal with these issues.

Again, it's really starting to take a toll on my health. Any advice that you can provide would be greatly appreciated.
Same old I am black victim post that we have seen on here a thousand times.
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Old 10-21-2010, 10:01 AM
 
Location: Helena, Montana
2,010 posts, read 2,091,610 times
Reputation: 780
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
African Americans don't separate themselves. Society has been holding us separate for more than 300 years now.

If we're all just Americans, why do whites move out of any neighborhood that becomes more than 20% black?
That's a false generalization. Not all whites do this. On my side of the street from a total of about 10 houses, 4 are black, 3 are white, 2 are Mexican and 1 is Samoan. I'm still there, with no plans of moving. We get along fine, the neighbor kids are always in my house playing video games with my son, and I leave my garage door open without fear of someone 'stealing' something. It's not as dramatic as people make it out to be sometimes.
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