A child is produced from an incestuous union: should they be told the truth?

[nightbird47]

Originally Posted by LuckyGem

This thread is the perfect example of why people should be more than careful with their reproductive capability.

Child of Incest = automatic grounds for abortion.

Child raised by grandparents because mother rejected/was incapable of raising her child and the child grows up thinking the mother is their sister (and father is absent) = The foundation for a dysfunctional adult if they do not adjust well to their new reality after told the truth, and that they lived a lie up to the present.

The reality is that likely the child will be born before an aborition is possible. So if the situation is discovered and the choice is there its a solution (but one with just as much trauma if it goes through for some), but highly likely it will no be an option.

Telling someone a dark family secret is always a hard thing. It will remain a problem as long as its kept a secret. Likely the child will not be told, or will not be told with any consideration, if the deep dard family secret is ongoing and the perpatrator is there. But the truth is still going to come out eventually no matter what anyone wants. And if done properly it can be survivable. Therapy is something that will come into the equation if done right.

What we really need is to take incest out of the deep dark hiding place we keep it, where we can pretend it isn't so common and it really isn't that often. We do not want to think of it and do not want to deal with it and we make *shame* on the part of the victums a brick wall to recovery. And we encourage it to remain a secret, so uncle is not allowed to be near the kids at family gatherings and especially those kids, but its the family duty. The sickness is still there and uncle is free to find someone else. For the survivors, if we make it a "shame" it is always going to be a trauma they cannot let go.

[AONE]

I had a friend who was a product of a rape and he was told. from the get go. I guess his mother could see the resemblance of his father in him but she never treated him poorly.. He seemed to do fine... generally the incest side would make it even harder.... yes Joey you father is your grandfather.... ewwww. Does it open the ddoor to more abuse... like children raised with domestic violence? Tough choice... I can't think of anytime this would be good to learn... I guess it would be best to let it be known early and let it go.

[Wayland Woman]

Yes, the child should be told....especially if the rapist/family member is still in the mother and child's life because the child could end up in an incestuous/rape situation as well if not warned to stay away from that piece of scum.

[Purple_Princess]

I recently witnessed this type of thing. Married couple with 2 biological children and the oldest was a product of date rape. Some high and mighty Phd in the family decides that the kid should know and that family has been a wreck ever since. Every time out, go to your room, or we can't afford that now from dad is looked at as a slight because "I'm not really your son". There is also this new perception of being treated differently that wasn't there before. If children could handle everything and make good decisions alone they wouldn't need parents. Telling them young is selfish and unwise at best. What PURPOSE does it serve is the question. Would you tell your kid that they were an accident or that you considered aborting them when you found out about them? Sure its true but telling them is damaging. Not telling them something they can't handle yet isn't a lie. Its a good parents job.