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There is a righteous anger. If the one administering punishment is angry because his kid was bullying a smaller/weaker kid or if he showed blatant disrespect to his teacher - then a righteous angry will be present. People are not Vulcans. We cannot decompartmentalize our emotions in such situations. Should the parent administer punishment when in a state of fury or rage? Absolutely not. But there is a difference between anger and fury or rage.
That's true too. If a parent is angry when his child is deliberately defiant, that doesn't mean they have an anger problem--it means they have a pulse.
That's true too. If a parent is angry when his child is deliberately defiant, that doesn't mean they have an anger problem--it means they have a pulse.
This is absolutely fair, IMO. I think what it boils down to is making any discipline choice (corporal punishment or otherwise) out of emotional dysregulation on the parents' part is going to be less effective than disciplining with a cooler head. For my money, I want to do what is going to be most effective, period.
Pain is a powerful re-enforcing tool. If a child can feel the pain of embarrassment, restriction, a time-out, or not being able to do something - then great. No pain, no gain when enforcing rules/laws that are broken. But consider those who do not feel "pain" in those areas - how is discipline enforced? We would like to think that all kids can learn by feeling the pain in a non-contact manner - but the reality is that there are those who simply need to have the full force of the law (whether legal system or parental) come down on them in order to keep them on the right path.
But it also teaches children that resorting to violence is okay. I just got out of an abusive situation and I can tell the person who was hitting me got it from her parents. Her parents used to spank and beat her as a child and so she learned that when things get to a certain point, you don't use words, you just use fists. I can understand the need to come up with a new system if one isn't working, but that system doesn't have to be physical. If for example pain or humiliation don't work (and for a lot of kids they don't--I know they didn't work for me) then try a system of logical consequences. There are solutions that don't have to involve hitting.
I tend to agree with this. My husband went through an abusive childhood and finally when he was 16, he pushed his step-father over a chair and told him never to touch him again. That was the end of that. My husband thankfully is not a violent man but he is definitely desensitized to violence (real or fictional). Things that greatly bother me (I'm overly sensitive to it) don't even make him flinch, whereas a "normal" person would be at least bothered by it. This is not something that abusers tend to think about when they are whipping, slapping, punching and just beating the crap out of their kid to "teach him a lesson." It's all about power, not about discipline or being a good parent, and it has lasting effects on the child...and usually not in a positive way.
Well said. Even "only this much" attitudes can be harmful. A 5-year-old doesn't differentiate between a hand and a belt. Sure, one is more painful, but they are both violence. Inflicting pain is traumatizing, and traumatized children, without lots of time and resources for healing, grow up unable to function properly in life. Children often don't remember their spanking and hitting memories as "well, if I hadn't..." They just remember it as "mommy/daddy hit me." On top of that, like andrea said, it desensitizes people and makes them capable of hurting others (whether knowingly or not) in ways they otherwise wouldn't be able to. Even if the parent's original intent was discipline, the child remembers it as being about power and control. I can tell you right now I still can't remember why my dad spanked me. I don't remember the thing I did wrong. I just remember him spanking me.
Many parents DO make it about power and control. It's not only being abusive, it's teaching your child how to be abusive.
I think every child needs to be whooped a few times. My mom used to whoop my brother and he would be crying saying he was gonna call child services and my mom would say go ahead did I leave a mark? So I think as long as you dont leave welts or bruises and it gets ur point across then hey they're your kids do what you want.
Now some people have ulterior ways of punishment, whenever my 4 year old niece is bad my sister tells her to go get some can goods, and she has to hold to cans of food straight in the air for at least 30 minutes. Personally I think this is worse than a whoopin.
I think every child needs to be whooped a few times. My mom used to whoop my brother and he would be crying saying he was gonna call child services and my mom would say go ahead did I leave a mark? So I think as long as you dont leave welts or bruises and it gets ur point across then hey they're your kids do what you want.
Now some people have ulterior ways of punishment, whenever my 4 year old niece is bad my sister tells her to go get some can goods, and she has to hold to cans of food straight in the air for at least 30 minutes. Personally I think this is worse than a whoopin.
There is nothing worse than an undisciplined child who talks back to their parents. I had friends who would tell their moms to "f*** off" and to "go to hell." My jaw dropped every time they were able to get away with saying stuff like that, because the Lord knows if I ever tried that stuff at my house, I would be six feet under.
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