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Then if you agree it isn't, why use it as discipline at all?
I'll broaden the hypothetical. When would it be preferable to use corporal punishment instead of some other means of discipline?
I generally don't spank. I agree that there are more effective options for most situations.
My youngest just turned 3, and I've spanked him one time. Whenever we would leave a store, he would take off and run out the door ahead of me. Just to the curb, but not every store has a curb. I tried for several weeks to stop that behavior- discussions about it being dangerous, loss of different things (no dessert, loss of toys, loss of whatever fun thing we were going to do) etc.,
I talked to him before we got out of the car about not doing it, and praised him when he did well. But after trying multiple discipline options, he was still doing it. So I told him the next time he did it, I would spank him. He did it again, and I pulled around to a private spot and spanked him. I wasn't mad, and I did it in private to not embarrass him.
After I spanked him, he told me he was sorry and wouldn't do it again. I told him I loved him, and that I didn't want to spank him, but that I had to stop that behavior before he got hurt (hit by a car, kidnapped.) That was about a month ago, and he hasn't done it since.
In general I believe the best defense is a good offense. Spend a lot of time with your children and instill good values. Have high expectations. Talk about real life examples of people they know or famous people who've messed up and where they went wrong. We spend a lot of time together as a family, and our children know that we are invested in them. And they know that we expect the best from them. My older 2 rarely get in trouble. My oldest is in the 5th grade and has never even gotten his name on the board at school. He understands how to make good decisions because we taught him that throughout his life. One day your children will be gone from your house and unless you teach them to make good decisions for themselves, it won't matter what form of discipline you used.
And what I absolutely cannot stand is hearing parents begging their children to do what they want. "Honey, please try on the white shoes. If you'll try on the white shoes, I'll buy you the Dora ones you want." As the child screams and throws shoes around the aisle. With I run into those parents, I do think someone should be spanked- the parent! Some parents truly need to grow up and realize they are molding their children for life. So choose good molds so you will raise respectful, caring, responsible adults.
Many years ago when this subject first started coming to light, I saw an article with discussion of same. In it, a small boy was asked HOW HE FELT ABOUT BEING BEATEN/WHIPPED by his PARENTS.
He did not cry or say he thought he did not deserve it or that it was painful... He said:
Many years ago when this subject first started coming to light, I saw an article with discussion of same. In it, a small boy was asked HOW HE FELT ABOUT BEING BEATEN/WHIPPED by his PARENTS.
He did not cry or say he thought he did not deserve it or that it was painful... He said:
" it hurts me in my heart"
Out of the mouth of children...
Thanks for dropping in.
Some of these posts trouble me so that I dare not respond if I hope to keep my account. This thread is revealing and enlightening in ways that part of me would much prefer to be ignorant of. But this is an issue where we cannot look the other way.
At this moment in time our country has the feeling of a country without a future....and after seeing and digesting some of these disturbing posts, I'm afraid it is a little easier to understand why.
Some of these posts trouble me so that I dare not respond if I hope to keep my account. This thread is revealing and enlightening in ways that part of me would much prefer to be ignorant of. But this is an issue where we cannot look the other way.
At this moment in time our country has the feeling of a country without a future....and after seeing and digesting some of these disturbing posts, I'm afraid it is a little easier to understand why.
Not sure what is so disturbing. Disagreement is good. I would hate to live in a world where everyone had the same opinions. And parenting is an area where lots of wise people just disagree.
The most disturbing thing to me is watching young children rule the household, and hold parents hostage by throwing fits. Some parents resort to begging or shouting and let their children make decisions that should be made by parents. How one chooses to discipline their children is a minor part of parenting. But having no discipline is a recipe for disaster.
We should also keep in mind that parenting only has a limited influence on the outcome of our children. Studies have shown that genetics are a much stronger influence.
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