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Old 11-10-2011, 11:34 AM
 
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In our tiny town, which was an all white town in the mountains of Montana, it took a few days for the preschoolers to stop looking at the new kids who happen to be African American. Within a week, they were inseperable best friends. It had nothing to do with racism in our town but had everything to do with the fact that a lot of our younger children had never seen a person of a different color.
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Old 11-10-2011, 12:01 PM
 
Location: OCEAN BREEZES AND VIEWS SAN CLEMENTE
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BentBow View Post
My point of this thread is proven right here in this quoted post!

Racism is put in a childs mind at an early age.

Thank you, there are good and bad people very nice people of all races.
My inlaws and i have no say so in the matter have bi-racial children, you cannot tell, they are very light skin, and the most beautiful girls to look at and a very handsome son.

No one at all looks at the color, now this could be because they are light skin, not going to lie about this, but the fact is, they are decent children, and very smart, not only beautiful and handsome, but were raised with morals.

And they accept all races, as long as the people are good decent human being. This is not for all, but once a person is grown up, does not matter what you taught them when they were little, Love is Love and you cannot help who you fall in love with

So yes from what i am seeing just here on this board, it starts from when the children are small.

.
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Old 11-10-2011, 12:10 PM
 
Location: Gone
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Hate has to be taught, the lesson usually comes from the home.
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Old 11-10-2011, 12:11 PM
 
Location: OCEAN BREEZES AND VIEWS SAN CLEMENTE
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Originally Posted by Workin_Hard View Post
Yeah, diversity is fine as long as it's not forced. Promoting through quotas and "sensitivity training" is counterproductive towards any genuine feeling of acceptance.

And how are you going to feel when your son/daughter brings home some diversity, saying "He/she is going to be coming to Thanksgiving dinner"? I suspect parents on all sides of the color line are generally not going to be ok with that. My daughter is still young but the rule will always be 'only white meat at the dinner table' in our house.



It is. On my inlaws side. My nieces and nephew are bi-racial, light light skin, the women are so stunning and beautiful and smart as well as the son.

Quite a few on my inlaws side another cousin also is married to a very good looking smart black Man, i do not see the color, we have fun, they are intelligent, smart, have morals, are compassionate, and came from a very good backgroud. Only difference is the color of the skin, which i do not see.
And have been around them for many a holiday, what is the problem, are we not suppose to be caring and considerate to all people or only white.

When you put restrictions on a child, and say from now they will only go out with white meat, you cannot be sure of that. When a grown child falls in love, the parents have no way of stopping who their children fall in love with, so what would you do, disown your daughter.

Now on my inlaws side the color of the skin they are so light, you cannot even really tell, would that make a difference to you or not, just curious.

I think kids are apt more not to go out with an opposite race, if from when they were little parents treated all races equal, and not signal one out.
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Old 11-10-2011, 12:48 PM
 
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A sense of race can definitely form in our minds even if we are raised not to see race. My mom married a hispanic man who then adopted me. I'll say that our difference in race did a lot to keep us distant from eachother. I always affiliated him as being something different from me. My hispanic brother did the same thing with our moms family. He never bonded with them and race was a big factor in that.

I sometimes think it might be a defense mechanism. People like to Bond with people who they are similar to. In the old days, that was the surest way to keep yourself safe.

If I have kids someday, I would never raise them to be racist. They can bring home anyone they please. I would be lying though if I said I don't see color. I do see color, and I also see real stereotypes that often go along with color.
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Old 11-10-2011, 01:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Workin_Hard View Post
I don't subscribe to your 'anything goes' view of the world. It's not ok if my child feels like she's gay, or dates outside of our race, or wants to explore the Muslim faith. I would not feel good if after I've paid for her college education she announces she wants to take up basket weaving in a commune in the desert. I would be equally dissapointed if she said she wants to be a nun, or take up pole dancing as a profession.

I expect certain standards of my child. I work hard every day to teach her to make good choices, and it's a constant in our conversations. On interacting with others, I teach her that all people have something to offer, but the degree and type of interaction with others varies. Some types of interactions are just inappropriate.

My values and yours obviously differ. I respect your right to have different opinions and expect the same in return. Your children are your to teach. Mine are mine to teach. I will not tolerate any attempt by others to instill in my child values which are contrary to our family values. And I have the right to, and will, stress these values as an authority to my child until I deliver her to adulthood. What she does after that becomes her right.


I will always love her. If she makes certain decisions, or engages in certain behaviors, that statement may become "I love her but sure do miss her", but that would be by her choice.

Your judgement of my parenting style is misplaced. I do not teach her anything harmful to her, and do not teach her to harm others.
That is not right. You are brainwashing your children. I wouldn't be thrilled if my ( future)daughter brought home a black man or a Muslim either, but that should be her choice to make and her lesson to learn. Not mine.
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Old 11-10-2011, 01:30 PM
 
Location: Some Beach... Somewhere...
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Originally Posted by InsaneTraveler View Post
That is not right. You are brainwashing your children. I wouldn't be thrilled if my ( future)daughter brought home a black man or a Muslim either, but that should be her choice to make and her lesson to learn. Not mine.
What exactly do you mean by brainwashing? Is instilling one's values in one's child brainwashing? And who exactly, if not the parents, decide what values should be instilled? Liberal or conservative "leaders"? Religious heads? The Pope? Philosophers? Ethicists?

If parents with a religious bent teach their children to be pious, is that brainwashing? Christians vs. Jews vs. Muslims vs. atheists.... who's right? What uniform set of "approved" values should be taught to these children across the board? What if these values are in contradiction to the beliefs of the parents? It's a slippery slope. There are inarguably good values to teach all children - do the right thing, be honest, be kind, at proper times be compassionate, do not hurt others unnecessarily, do not lie or cheat or steal, etc.

I agree that ultimately it is my daughter's decision to make. But I am trying to teach her to think things through before acting, and what she does will have consequences, good or bad, and she must anticipate and accept the results before making a choice. In this case, making a choice running contrary to those values we're teaching her may have a negative consequence in terms of her relationship with the family. But if she can live with it and determines the positive results to outweigh the negative, then that's what she will do. I will continue to love her in any case, but would not support her in any way.

She's 5 and all princess and curls now. The center of my universe. What I've discussed is all theoretical and I hope never comes to pass.
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Old 11-10-2011, 01:43 PM
 
9,057 posts, read 6,745,385 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Workin_Hard View Post
What exactly do you mean by brainwashing? Is instilling one's values in one's child brainwashing? And who exactly, if not the parents, decide what values should be instilled? Liberal or conservative "leaders"? Religious heads? The Pope? Philosophers? Ethicists?

If parents with a religious bent teach their children to be pious, is that brainwashing? Christians vs. Jews vs. Muslims vs. atheists.... who's right? What uniform set of "approved" values should be taught to these children across the board? What if these values are in contradiction to the beliefs of the parents? It's a slippery slope. There are inarguably good values to teach all children - do the right thing, be honest, be kind, at proper times be compassionate, do not hurt others unnecessarily, do not lie or cheat or steal, etc.

I agree that ultimately it is my daughter's decision to make. But I am trying to teach her to think things through before acting, and what she does will have consequences, good or bad, and she must anticipate and accept the results before making a choice. In this case, making a choice running contrary to those values we're teaching her may have a negative consequence in terms of her relationship with the family. But if she can live with it and determines the positive results to outweigh the negative, then that's what she will do. I will continue to love her in any case, but would not support her in any way.

She's 5 and all princess and curls now. The center of my universe. What I've discussed is all theoretical and I hope never comes to pass.
Could you please explain how teaching your daughter not to date someone of a different race is a value, and what value there is in that teaching?

I honestly don't understand it.

Would you support her in dating someone from the same race but a different country? What is it you object to, exactly?
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Old 11-10-2011, 02:20 PM
 
5,368 posts, read 4,888,162 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Workin_Hard View Post
What exactly do you mean by brainwashing? Is instilling one's values in one's child brainwashing? And who exactly, if not the parents, decide what values should be instilled? Liberal or conservative "leaders"? Religious heads? The Pope? Philosophers? Ethicists?

If parents with a religious bent teach their children to be pious, is that brainwashing? Christians vs. Jews vs. Muslims vs. atheists.... who's right? What uniform set of "approved" values should be taught to these children across the board? What if these values are in contradiction to the beliefs of the parents? It's a slippery slope. There are inarguably good values to teach all children - do the right thing, be honest, be kind, at proper times be compassionate, do not hurt others unnecessarily, do not lie or cheat or steal, etc.

I agree that ultimately it is my daughter's decision to make. But I am trying to teach her to think things through before acting, and what she does will have consequences, good or bad, and she must anticipate and accept the results before making a choice. In this case, making a choice running contrary to those values we're teaching her may have a negative consequence in terms of her relationship with the family. But if she can live with it and determines the positive results to outweigh the negative, then that's what she will do. I will continue to love her in any case, but would not support her in any way.

She's 5 and all princess and curls now. The center of my universe. What I've discussed is all theoretical and I hope never comes to pass.
You sound a lot like my biological father. Little did he know that his son would not just be gay but would also enter a long term relationship with a Chinese man. Little did he also know that his daughter would have a thing for Latin guys. Neither me or my sister maintain contact with the man anymore. He has another young son that he now has all his hope in. I sure hope at least one of his children turns out the way he wanted us to, for his sake.

Be careful of what you are hoping your children will be. You are VERY possibly setting yourself up for some serious disappointment and heartbreak. I would prefer for my sister to date East Asian or White guys, just because from experience I have seen that those men take such better care of their families. But I keep an open mind when I meet her partners, the last two of whom have been Hispanic. They both seemed nice enough.
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Old 11-10-2011, 03:12 PM
 
Location: Some Beach... Somewhere...
4,576 posts, read 3,841,574 times
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Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
Could you please explain how teaching your daughter not to date someone of a different race is a value, and what value there is in that teaching?
I sat here composing a lengthy answer, but will not post as what it comes to at the bottom line line is personal preference. I would not welcome someone of a different race into the intimate circle of family. Friends, yes, and I have. Family, no. The fundamental differences, to me, are too great. My daughter is free to make such a choice should she decide to after she is no longer living under my roof or otherwise being supported by me. That does not mean that her relationship with us, her parents, would be unaffected.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
I honestly don't understand it.
From reading your previous posts I see there's a lot of things you don't understand. Honestly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
Would you support her in dating someone from the same race but a different country? What is it you object to, exactly?
My wife is from a different country. Same race, different country and we met soon after she had arrived here after graduating college in her homeland. We found common ground, the relationship blossomed, and we married.
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