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Old 11-11-2011, 03:30 PM
 
Location: Some Beach... Somewhere...
4,572 posts, read 3,840,511 times
Reputation: 4738

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Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
You better have a damned good reason for placing your own child in that sort of heartbreaking predicament, and I don't see you giving one.
Her well being. I would warn her just as quickly if she brought home a white guy with whom I did not believe her to be safe. And who the hell are you to tell me what I'd "better" do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
What I do see is someone so insecure about their "all princesses and curls" daughter's ability to make good decisions about other people that they are willing to force her hand rather than trust her own instincts.
No one can force anyone to do anything. Like I said, choices. I'm confident she will make good ones based upon those instincts and any specific admonitions from me will remain as unnecessary then as they are now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
Yeah OK, if you can't be bothered explaining it then I can't be bothered looking it up.
Read the earlier pages of this thread. If you're too lazy to do that, it's your choice. I'm not retyping what I've already posted for you.
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Old 11-11-2011, 03:38 PM
 
8,287 posts, read 11,497,579 times
Reputation: 4938
Racism isn't a "trait" it is taught. The innocence of childhood seems to prevent them from hating each other or being beliigerent unless they were raised in a mono culturalistic society where something different can be either scary or fascinating.
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Old 11-11-2011, 04:06 PM
 
14,507 posts, read 7,143,301 times
Reputation: 7479
Quote:
Originally Posted by Workin_Hard View Post
Her well being. I would warn her just as quickly if she brought home a white guy with whom I did not believe her to be safe. And who the hell are you to tell me what I'd "better" do?



No one can force anyone to do anything. Like I said, choices. I'm confident she will make good ones based upon those instincts and any specific admonitions from me will remain as unnecessary then as they are now.



Read the earlier pages of this thread. If you're too lazy to do that, it's your choice. I'm not retyping what I've already posted for you.

I also did not read anything about your reasons for only wanting her to date white men. In the first paragraph above that I quotes, you said you would have issues with someone you did not believe was "safe." I would take that to mean that you think all black men are "unsafe." If you believe that, what is your reason(s)?

Also, do you not believe that all people are individuals? You also said you can have black friends? Why would you have black friends if you think black people are unsafe to be around? That does not make sense either. If you feel black people on a whole are unsafe or some sort of threat then you should never invite someone who is black into your circle of friends or family. One can pick their friends, not their family so it would be wiser to not have black friends KWIM.

But regardless, it is too bad that you stereotype all black men negatively. You never responded as to whether you would want your daughter to date a success black professional man from a good background or a white abusive, GED having criminal. Which would be better? Neither one is not an answer.

And want to note that I do not think you are a racist. I feel you are generalizing and stereotyping non-white people and you are free to do that, but I also have found that when a parent tells a teenager or young adult not to do something or date someone in particular, the child will do the exact opposite. This is why I don't tell my kids these things. I leave that up to them. I just hope they remain good people and nice individuals. Your post also makes me feel bad for and scared for what my son will endure when he is older. So many people demonize black men and it is frightening to me, a mother of a wonderful black son. My husband is a wonderful father and a great provider and was a wonderful son, as is his brother and all three of my brothers who have never been in prison or on assistance or in any sort of trouble, yet they are thought of as "unsafe." It is sad when you think about it.
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Old 11-11-2011, 04:11 PM
 
9,056 posts, read 6,743,884 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Workin_Hard View Post
Her well being. I would warn her just as quickly if she brought home a white guy with whom I did not believe her to be safe. And who the hell are you to tell me what I'd "better" do?
So you don't believe she'd be safe with any other man except for one that's white? That all men from every and all races apart from white guys (safe ones of course) are not safe? That's not a teensy bit ridiculous? In all seriousness, you don't think that's just a wee bit absurd?

As for telling you what you'd better do, it's a figure of speech, meaning if you continue on your current course you could be in for more heartbreak than you bargained for. You can take me literally if you like. Whatever floats your boat.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Workin_Hard View Post
No one can force anyone to do anything. Like I said, choices. I'm confident she will make good ones based upon those instincts and any specific admonitions from me will remain as unnecessary then as they are now.
Yes, but she might just not turn out to be a mini you and your theory may be tested. And just because someone has a choice, it doesn't mean that the choices have equal merit. You make someone choose between them or you and you may just end up on the losing end of that deal. Of course you will sleep the sleep of the self righteous, and your relationship with your daughter will not be as important to you as some stupid stubborn principle.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Workin_Hard View Post
Read the earlier pages of this thread. If you're too lazy to do that, it's your choice. I'm not retyping what I've already posted for you.
I participated in the earlier pages of this thread months ago. I'm not wasting my time reading it all again. I asked you a question that stemmed from a recent post of yours. If you can't elaborate then so be it. But you posted a statement, and the onus is not on me to clarify it.
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Old 11-21-2011, 08:08 PM
 
1,027 posts, read 1,292,603 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by green_mariner View Post
I wasn't that aware either. I knew I was Black, but I never really felt like I had to be a certain way. I could just be me and that was it. It was when some of the African-American kids started making fun of me for "not being Black enough" and some White kids bullying me that I became very aware of things. It made me appreciate being a kid in the 1990's as oppose to being a teenager in the early 2000's.
You hit the nail right on the head!
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Old 11-24-2011, 04:38 AM
 
1,351 posts, read 2,364,842 times
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Racism isn't just learned from home. People can become racist after they've constantly encountered negative incidents with a specific race of people.
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Old 11-24-2011, 07:14 AM
 
Location: The Republic of Texas
60,847 posts, read 30,817,770 times
Reputation: 12963
Quote:
Originally Posted by sacramento916 View Post
Racism isn't just learned from home. People can become racist after they've constantly encountered negative incidents with a specific race of people.



Goes right back to bad parenting, on both side of that coin.

One because someone was not taught how to deal with it when it happens and the other side that was not raise to show respect for another person.
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Old 11-26-2011, 08:49 PM
 
249 posts, read 665,932 times
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It starts from ignorance. Not meaning someone is stupid, but that they are ignorant of how the other people live/feel/pray/eat/work/dress, etc.
Example: Alll my life I would not let my parents or other adults teach me to hate what they referred to as 'colored kids'. My Mom said, "Don't play with them. They will hurt you." She was ignorant. She was just repeating something she had learned. So, I went out and played with them, and one girl beat me up. It hurt. But I didn't hate all of them after that day, I only had a dislike for the one person who was a bully. I told this story to my children and taught them not to hate entire groups of people. Time passed. I moved to another state. And that is where I found ignorance. I was told by the people in the new state that, "Everyone up North thinks we are stupid, so we hate every Northerner". I lived half my life in the North and never had a single thought about anyone in the South being stupid. Where does it come from? Ignorance. And stereotypes in movies and books.
So, the more we teach our children about all cultures, all races, all religions, and alll viewpoints, the better educated they will become, and will be better equipped to make rational dicisions and form opinions one person at a time. And if you only teach them from books, they will not get the whole picture. Walk the walk. Expose your children to variety. Make new friends and invite them into your life.
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Old 11-27-2011, 08:47 PM
 
44,714 posts, read 43,237,894 times
Reputation: 14438
Quote:
Originally Posted by SPECFRCE View Post
You hit the nail right on the head!
I think sometimes we notice things as kids, but we're not fixated on them until we're made to. For instance, I kind of always knew I didn't sound like most of the Black kids I was around. My accent, my way of speaking, always sounded different. I knew it, but I wasn't made to think much of it until I was a teenager, when kids were saying how "White" I sounded. I read encyclopedias, drew maps, participated in geography bees, watched PBS and The Travel Channel. One thing I have noticed is that it is the adolescent years where people would try to make me feel like dirt, to make me feel that as a Black person I should not have been enjoying what I enjoyed. It is always when people point things out and try to make someone feel like dirt when things go wrong.
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Old 11-27-2011, 08:51 PM
 
44,714 posts, read 43,237,894 times
Reputation: 14438
Quote:
Originally Posted by carmelita189 View Post
It starts from ignorance. Not meaning someone is stupid, but that they are ignorant of how the other people live/feel/pray/eat/work/dress, etc.
Example: Alll my life I would not let my parents or other adults teach me to hate what they referred to as 'colored kids'. My Mom said, "Don't play with them. They will hurt you." She was ignorant. She was just repeating something she had learned. So, I went out and played with them, and one girl beat me up. It hurt. But I didn't hate all of them after that day, I only had a dislike for the one person who was a bully. I told this story to my children and taught them not to hate entire groups of people. Time passed. I moved to another state. And that is where I found ignorance. I was told by the people in the new state that, "Everyone up North thinks we are stupid, so we hate every Northerner". I lived half my life in the North and never had a single thought about anyone in the South being stupid. Where does it come from? Ignorance. And stereotypes in movies and books.
So, the more we teach our children about all cultures, all races, all religions, and alll viewpoints, the better educated they will become, and will be better equipped to make rational dicisions and form opinions one person at a time. And if you only teach them from books, they will not get the whole picture. Walk the walk. Expose your children to variety. Make new friends and invite them into your life.

You have part of it. Ignorance can be part of the problem. It isn't the only thing though. On a personal level, racism is often about either ignorance, or someone having a bad experience with a few people and applying it to the whole group. When racism is taken to a macro level, it is an impersonal racism, a pathology about control, with the goal in mind being about control.
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