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In the past, it was common for grandparents to move in with their adult children and grandchildren as they aged. This presented the children with extra adults around who spent time with the kids, spoke of all they had learned in their years on this earth, and was a liason between parents and kids. Now selfish , greedy Americans put their aging parents in nursing homes so that they dont have to deal with them ,so that they have time to go shopping at the Mall. Is this anyway to treat somebody that gave you life and raised you? The Asians honor their parents and care for them as they age.
I hate to make this a generational thing, but I will anyway .
Boomers want to play when they are old. They don't want to take care of their parents, who are living much longer due to medical advancements. I see a trend of boomers taking their (greatest generation) parents out of their homes as soon as the parents show any sign of any potential independence issues. They sell their parents house, liquidate their assets, divide up their stuff and pass it all around before the parent(s) are dead and either put the parent(s) up at home or put them in assisted living until death.
WTF is up with that? How cruel and selfish? If the dependant parent can stay home, for gods sake, let them stay home! If the house is all paid for, what's the rush to get it sold? I saw my grandmother destroyed by childish bickering over her stuff while she was still in the room. It was awful.
When it's my turn in 50-60 years, I'm not leaving my home. My family can bite me; I'll shake off the damned vultures or die trying. No rest home for me!!! I'll die in a pile of my own turd before I go to a place like that.
That is just what we are seeing in our part of the US.
Not to mention the adult kids who show up on the doorstep with no place to live who move home out of necessity. Prior to the last century it was normal for both the grandparents to stay and some of the children. With the empy McMansions with plenty of room might be time to rediscover the tradition.
The economic depression is causing grandparents to move in with their children as well as new college graduates to live with parents for more years. Now we know what politicians meant when they said they favor "family values."
You have to look at a few variables, especially in the white population.
Up until recently, many retired whites had very good retirements from fat pension plans from both the public and private sectors. The retired and moved to places like Florida. They didn't WANT to live with their kids. In the meantime, two-wage earner households have significantly increased from the mid 1950s. So if both people are out working, who is there to take care of, and often provide round-the-clock nursing care, to ailing parents? No one. And they can't afford to quit their jobs either.
I am 47 and am finding that my generation is being hit hard by this. Our parents are the first to be losing those golden pensions and are trying to retire with some semblance of dignity. While we are out both working, putting kids through college if we can and just trying to keep up with the bills. Me and my peers could never be equipped to care for elderly parents. Yet, I have friends that are a good 10 years older than me who have a different experience because their parents had lots of money and could afford better retirement care.
I also have friends from Ghana and the Phillipines. They are U.S. citizens but they plan to go back to their native countries when they retire because they have extended family there that will "take care of them" when they retire. They don't do the nursing home stuff there. They admit, though, that the care back home falls to the women in the family who, in general, do not work.
I believe this is partly true. The whole idea of going out and doing it all on your own when you turn 18, including a successful job and all the trimmings, was unsustainable past a certain point anyway. We set ourselves up for failure time and time again don't we?
In the past, it was common for grandparents to move in with their adult children and grandchildren as they aged. This presented the children with extra adults around who spent time with the kids, spoke of all they had learned in their years on this earth, and was a liason between parents and kids. Now selfish , greedy Americans put their aging parents in nursing homes so that they dont have to deal with them ,so that they have time to go shopping at the Mall. Is this anyway to treat somebody that gave you life and raised you? The Asians honor their parents and care for them as they age.
I agree with you... but unfortunately being in the USA things change even for Asian-Americans. Granted that everyone in my family has the savings to take care of themselves ... but it is still disturbing. My grandfather doesn't live with me, my parents or my uncles because our apartment/homes are "too small" (and my parents/uncles don't want to live with him because he is "difficult"). My parents are probably not going to want to live with me, part of which is they don't want to follow my rules - and part of it is that they are still working full time. I also do not trust my parents to take care of my kids, so they wouldn't really be of any great help either. In 5 years after they retire, I'm just gonna have to a) send them money if they need extra help/care AND b) pay out of pocket for childcare... double spending for me.
The whole thing just pisses me off. People are just so exclusive nowadays... it's that whole "privacy and independence" thing where even families can't share or get along anymore.
In the past, it was common for grandparents to move in with their adult children and grandchildren as they aged. This presented the children with extra adults around who spent time with the kids, spoke of all they had learned in their years on this earth, and was a liason between parents and kids. Now selfish , greedy Americans put their aging parents in nursing homes so that they dont have to deal with them ,so that they have time to go shopping at the Mall. Is this anyway to treat somebody that gave you life and raised you? The Asians honor their parents and care for them as they age.
You are certainly not paying much attention to what is happening in our country I guess: more adult kids with kids of their own are moving back to mommy and daddy's all the time and many seniors live with or near their kids. Sure, nursing homes are growing as well. This isn't ruining our country, times change, in many cases both husbands and wives work, they are not able to have grandma living with them. I am a senior, I will someday perhaps need help and I do not want or expect my kids to have me living with them. That is why we have senior apartments today which were not available 20 or so years ago, we also have assistant living, which is a great middle ground.
As for grandma and granddad living with their kids and grandkids, remember, todays world we are not even old or feel old til we reach our mid 70s and by then the grandkids are long gone in most cases. As for nursing home versus living with kids, we were faced with this when my mother in law could no longer live on her own: were we selfish? Maybe, but we also had a home that would not have been senior friendly at the time. We had a master bedroom downstairs and 2 small ones upstairs. In order to have mom move in we would have needed to take one of the small bedrooms that would not even hold a queen size bed. she could not climb stairs. Would you suggest we sacrafice our master bedroom and adjust to a double bed? there are situations that just are not workable, more than you might think.
Thank you for this link. This multigenerational thing is very regional and as your link showed, it varies by ethnicity greatly as well. I am a caucasian American. According to your link whites have the lowest percentage of their parents living with them as opposed to Blacks, Asians, and Hispanics. I was always so respectful of my Asian friends for the way they look after their parents and your link confirmed this. When you compare the four groups Asian, White, Black, and Hispanic, I can only conclude that white Americans need to step up and take care of those that took care of them growing up. The trend I see in my town is more people pawning their parents off to nursing homes, or saying " No way ill let my parents live with me". I have noticed that hispanics, blacks, and Asians especially treat their aging parents with greater respect IN GENERAL and your link confirmed that for me. Thx
In the case of hispanics and blacks this has more to do with economics than anything else.
In the past, it was common for grandparents to move in with their adult children and grandchildren as they aged. This presented the children with extra adults around who spent time with the kids, spoke of all they had learned in their years on this earth, and was a liason between parents and kids. Now selfish , greedy Americans put their aging parents in nursing homes so that they dont have to deal with them ,so that they have time to go shopping at the Mall. Is this anyway to treat somebody that gave you life and raised you? The Asians honor their parents and care for them as they age.
Your demeanor changes as you age. You might love your parents to death, but they will be a pain in the ass once they are old. Not everybody can ,or wants to put up with this. It can destroy your own marriage. It's not as easy as you make it look like. For instance, my grandparents would drive my father nuts if they lived in the same house. Does not mean he loves them any less. It's just the way you are once you're old. Many old folks are like that.
Having said that, it doesn't stop you from doing it. You should also take in your in-laws. That ought to be some wild fun.
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