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You make it sound as though men are weak, and unable to control their impulses. In civilized society sexual interaction is a consensual act.
Umm....no, there are no variables. If a man rapes someone, he is responsible.
A lot of men aren't weak.
This guy I know was telling us of a time he and his girlfriend were "fooling around" and she was doing all she could to get him aroused. She removed all her clothes, was under him, still doing all she could to provoke him, at the very last moment she decided no. And no means no. So he stopped and dumped her as a girlfriend of course.
The problem for women like her however is not all men are as able to control themselves and a wiggling naked **** under them isn't always going to be lucky enough to find a man she can tease and provoke who will manage to control himself when at the last moment she says no.
Often it takes two - of course men should control themselves no matter what but women should learn to control themselves too - don't be sexual teases, don't pretend they want sex if they really don't. Don't pretend to be consensual on a date and provoke and tease. And women should be a little selective when they pick up someone from a bar and they're dressed like a streetwalker.
I cannot imagine teaching my daughter to dress like a streetslut and do whatever she wants on a date and then think all men she picks up are going to have control. Women don't have to be victims, they can take steps to avoid being raped, walking down a dark alley at night with everything hanging out isn't a way to avoid being a victim. Going to bars and taking strangers home isn't a way to avoid being a victim. Carrying a gun is smart also.
Yes, learn self-defence, and all those good things. Arms.......well sadly many attacks occur on women who are armed, just ask female police officers, prison employees, service personnel, etc, let alone civilians. Since most rapes are aquaintance rapes that occur when a target's guard is down, this situation is not exactly black and white. I have always found it insulting to say well if a woman had just done x, y, or z, she wouldn't have been raped. That's no different to blaming the victim in my opinion.
The fact of the matter is we are all at risk.....of something, girls even more so. Still, there are things we can all do to make us safer. Being situationally aware is where it all starts. Some people you should avoid, especially those you know. Some situations you should avoid. Some behaviors you should avoid. Some places in town you should avoid. Some towns you should avoid. Avoiding some fashion choices might not be such a bad idea either. Is it really blaming the victim for not making wise choices in any of these areas, especially those we love?
This guy I know was telling us of a time he and his girlfriend were "fooling around" and she was doing all she could to get him aroused. She removed all her clothes, was under him, still doing all she could to provoke him, at the very last moment she decided no. And no means no. So he stopped and dumped her as a girlfriend of course.
The problem for women like her however is not all men are as able to control themselves and a wiggling naked **** under them isn't always going to be lucky enough to find a man she can tease and provoke who will manage to control himself when at the last moment she says no.
Often it takes two - of course men should control themselves no matter what but women should learn to control themselves too - don't be sexual teases, don't pretend they want sex if they really don't. Don't pretend to be consensual on a date and provoke and tease. And women should be a little selective when they pick up someone from a bar and they're dressed like a streetwalker.
I cannot imagine teaching my daughter to dress like a streetslut and do whatever she wants on a date and then think all men she picks up are going to have control. Women don't have to be victims, they can take steps to avoid being raped, walking down a dark alley at night with everything hanging out isn't a way to avoid being a victim. Going to bars and taking strangers home isn't a way to avoid being a victim. Carrying a gun is smart also.
Many, many years ago I found myself in the same position as your friend. I didn't proceed but............I was tempted. Of course our culture was a little different in those days. Many would not have blamed me. The fact of the matter is people, male and female, need to understand some actions have consequences in the real world. Consequences we don't always want.
Many, many years ago I found myself in the same position as your friend. I didn't proceed but............I was tempted. Of course our culture was a little different in those days. Many would not have blamed me. The fact of the matter is people, male and female, need to understand some actions have consequences in the real world. Consequences we don't always want.
Yeah, so what? Consequences have consequences, which have consequences, too.
What a terrible ordeal, I'm sorry. I think your experience of being rebuffed when reporting it is extremely common, makes my blood boil.
Yuk - chemo weekend ! How many more treatments do you have?
Thanks, Zimbochick. I'd like to think today, since I am older and out of surburban Atlanta, that I would go ahead and press charges and not let someone talk me out of it.
I'm a little more than 1/3 of the way done! At least 7 more treatments (3 1/2 more months) and fingers crossed no more than that!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evenstar51
I am so sorry, charolastra00; every victim has to deal with PTSD, and the impact it has on one's life. Every point that you make is valid, and every story like yours is a heartache. How unfair that you must now battle cancer as well...in football, that's called "piling on." I hope that you'll soon be in remission. In the meantime, perhaps herbal remedies might help the nausea and perk up your appetite. I wish you all the best.
Quite a few others who I know in the young adult cancer community are rape victims. One woman found out that she had ovarian cancer when forced to undergo a hysterectomy due to the trauma of a gang rape (in which she DID go to court and they were let off). I thought getting over my rape would be the hardest thing I would have to go through in my life- who would have thought that just 6 years later I'd be diagnosed with late stage cancer at 23?
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChokingHazard
I'm sorry you went through that. Whoever told you that you "wanted it" has no business working in law enforcement or prosecution.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evenstar51
It was that medieval years ago; if you weren't a virgin from a respectable or wealthy family, the public defender would ask the most personal questions possible, having nothing to do with the rape but designed to sully the reputation of the victim. Things don't seem all that much better.
This wasn't even years ago. In my case, it happened in 2005 and I had been a virgin before the rape and was as much of a pillar of my community as a 17 year old could be- very well respected, graduated at the top of my class, got a full tuition scholarship to a top university halfway across the country - none of that mattered. I had previously dated the guy so how could I not know that he might want to force himself on me? How dare I hang out with someone who I thought was a friend alone at his house, clearly I just changed my mind after the fact.
Very true with regard to conviction, but I don't think punishment is very harsh at all. And is anyone at all surprised that upwards of 60% of rapes go unreported. The fact that in 2011 many people's initial thought toward a rape victim is what did she do to encourage it, or why didn't she prevent it is wholly repugnant.
I agree. Here's one who didn't get away with it, even though he hired Kobe Bryant's lawyer.
I was raped when I was 17 by a close friend who I have previously dated. Martial arts (tae kwon do and krav maga) did nothing when I was attacked by a wrestler/basketball player with well over a foot on me (I'm 5'4, he was about 6'6) while watching a movie at his house. Not allowed to own a gun and frankly, it would have been useless in the scenario.
To add insult to injury, when I looked into reporting it, I was told that my testimony wouldn't fly because I clearly "wanted it" since I had dated him in the past. While he had not been explicitly sexually active, we had "fooled around" and so it was "my fault" for "putting myself in that situation again".
Wish I could do the SlutWalk in Boston tomorrow. Unfortunately, it's a chemo weekend so I will be sleeping and puking against **** shaming!
Any woman who clings to the victim mentality enables herself to quickly become one. There are many personal tools for self-defense including improvised. To be prepared and able to defend oneself prior to being attacked is not "blaming the victim"; rather, it is taking pro-active measures to keep from becoming a victim.
Women need to learn not to allow their guard to be down around. They should always be situationally aware. FYI, prison employees and service personnel are rarely allowed to be armed on prison property or on base, respectively.
So, I guess if you are of the victim mindset, be insulted. Others may wish to adopt a more proactive approach to protecting themselves than a "feel-good" march.
People react differently. Some can pull out a gun, some know just how to get their fingernails under the rapists eyes and tear away. And some are frozen with fear.
Proactive measures are nice in theory, but when its daddy, or uncle or a friend.... sometimes its not so clear cut
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
A lot of men aren't weak.
This guy I know was telling us of a time he and his girlfriend were "fooling around" and she was doing all she could to get him aroused. She removed all her clothes, was under him, still doing all she could to provoke him, at the very last moment she decided no. And no means no. So he stopped and dumped her as a girlfriend of course.
The problem for women like her however is not all men are as able to control themselves and a wiggling naked **** under them isn't always going to be lucky enough to find a man she can tease and provoke who will manage to control himself when at the last moment she says no.
Often it takes two - of course men should control themselves no matter what but women should learn to control themselves too - don't be sexual teases, don't pretend they want sex if they really don't. Don't pretend to be consensual on a date and provoke and tease. And women should be a little selective when they pick up someone from a bar and they're dressed like a streetwalker.
I cannot imagine teaching my daughter to dress like a streetslut and do whatever she wants on a date and then think all men she picks up are going to have control. Women don't have to be victims, they can take steps to avoid being raped, walking down a dark alley at night with everything hanging out isn't a way to avoid being a victim. Going to bars and taking strangers home isn't a way to avoid being a victim. Carrying a gun is smart also.
and that woman would find it difficult in a courtroom to say she didn't want it. However, if she didn't want to go any further that is her choice, and she is within her rights to say stop.
Most rapes are committed by a male known to the victim.
We can all control and minimise. This does not remove blame from the rapist, nor place the blame with the victim.
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! How many more treatments do you have?
