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Old 06-12-2011, 08:31 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,765 posts, read 40,091,372 times
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Thanks Ron. I think that from what I've seen in real life and also read on these boards, is that many people entering a new situation with strangers naturally feel like the "odd man out". And it's a problem that we've all experienced since childhood, whether we're entering a new school or moved to a new neighborhood. And it's what creates a situation of bullying or maybe only mental discomfort. And later on as adults, some find it hard someone to date or don't like going to work.

I was extremely shy as a child, but finally in my 20's gained a lot more confidence. What helped is my parents moving away (my mom was a very strong personality woman) and getting my first job as a waitress. So what I learned was that most everyone is really quite self-centered and so they aren't actually wasting the time to be critical of me. I learned to be a good listener (which is a rarity) and to find out what other people are interested in. from there, I figure out what we have im common. And when joining any group of people...

1. I listen and watch as I work my way slowly into the pack.
2. I see who the alpha personalities are.
3. I respect the status quo. And only when I earn their trust and respect, will I start to assert myself.
4. And I also learned the importance of not taking things so seriously and how to make light of a situation. Many cultures such as the Chinese and Koreans are obsessed about "saving face" but I reject that nonsense, and I am always willing to admit when I am wrong. And I think that every human being needs to have these skills. Yes, some things are important to take a stand on, but most things aren't.
5. Just like on this forum, I don't expect to change anyone's mind about their beliefs... whether it's spiritual, political or sport team allegiance. And if someone feels very strongly about a topic and I have a differing opinion, it's usually a good idea to avoid the topic.

So... if I enter a new workplace situation and feel awkward and isolated, I just listen as I do my job well. Sooner or later, my new co-workers will start to discuss their lives outside of work. I make some mental notes about their interests and passions. And then slowly I will join in the conversations. I will say things that show them that we have common bonds and similar life philosophies. And voila! I am part of the new pack and welcome.

And if there are other Chinese people in the group, while I will be friendly towards them, I will gravitate more towards anyone that I have like interests with such as music, cars and dogs. With chefs, we'll talk about favorite cuisines or cooking equipment. Or maybe they'll be others who enjoy taking road trips.

And speaking of stereotypes, as an older Asian woman, I surprise people with my love for driving stick shift, being savvy about car maintenance, knowing about antiques, playing some guitar and bass, and speaking English very well. So while the other Chinese people at work do fit that typical Asian stereotype, I certainly don't. I don't take offense to the stereotypes as it doesn't affect me. And at work, I only care that my co-workers consider me a good worker and team player. Otherwise, I am not there to be their real friend, so I don't really care what they think about me as a person.
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Old 06-12-2011, 08:38 AM
 
Location: In my view finder.....
8,515 posts, read 16,156,595 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calipoppy View Post
I think that Whites tend to think that Black people stick together but we really don't. But I do think that White people do not look at non-Whites as individuals. If they have a bad experience with one non-White person, that experience colors the way that they see ALL people who are the same race/ethnic background of that person.

For example, I am the first and only Black person who has ever been hired in a managerial role in my current company. I know that I am setting the standard for any other Black person to be considered for any similar position following me. If I screw up, they most likely would never hire a Black person again.
I'm sorry, I just don't believe whites are that shallow to think like that. I am not saying some don't think like that but I just don't believe that sort of thinking. Whites screw up royaly at jobs and they seem to be getting hired over and over.

I get your point but I don't agree with it.
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Old 06-12-2011, 08:41 AM
 
6,137 posts, read 4,853,557 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calipoppy View Post
I think that Whites tend to think that Black people stick together but we really don't. But I do think that White people do not look at non-Whites as individuals. If they have a bad experience with one non-White person, that experience colors the way that they see ALL people who are the same race/ethnic background of that person.

For example, I am the first and only Black person who has ever been hired in a managerial role in my current company. I know that I am setting the standard for any other Black person to be considered for any similar position following me. If I screw up, they most likely would never hire a Black person again.
You really think that one black guy screwing up on a job will make everyone automatically distrust all black people in the future?

Stereotypes do not arise out of isolated one time incidents.
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Old 06-12-2011, 08:47 AM
 
11,186 posts, read 6,487,434 times
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I think in general minorities tend to stick together more than majorities. White people are too large a category to stick together based on whiteness.
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Old 06-12-2011, 08:48 AM
 
Location: La lune et les étoiles
18,258 posts, read 22,489,704 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SamBarrow View Post
You really think that one black guy screwing up on a job will make everyone automatically distrust all black people in the future?

Stereotypes do not arise out of isolated one time incidents.
I am a Black woman and yes, I do believe that it is important to "represent". The many are judged by the few, so it is important.
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Old 06-12-2011, 08:50 AM
 
6,137 posts, read 4,853,557 times
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Originally Posted by calipoppy View Post
I am a Black woman and yes, I do believe that it is important to "represent". The many are judged by the few, so it is important.
Sorry about that.

The many are judged by the few with stereotypes, of course, but not one single person.
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Old 06-12-2011, 09:28 AM
 
Location: In my view finder.....
8,515 posts, read 16,156,595 times
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Originally Posted by calipoppy View Post
I am a Black woman and yes, I do believe that it is important to "represent". The many are judged by the few, so it is important.
Represent who? Me, other blacks? You don't represent me nor others blacks, no more than Oprah represents black women.

That's a silly way to think. You're willing to carry the burdens of an entire race on your back? Good luck with that. I wish blacks would stop thinking like they need to "represent". Silly Wabbits
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Old 06-12-2011, 09:31 AM
 
6,137 posts, read 4,853,557 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron. View Post
Represent who? Me, other blacks? You don't represent me nor others blacks, no more than Oprah represents black women.

That's a silly way to think. You're willing to carry the burdens of an entire race on your back? Good luck with that. I wish blacks would stop thinking like they need to "represent". Silly Wabbits
Well every person of every ethnicity does "represent" people that look like them to some extent. All people form stereotypes, that's just how we think.
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Old 06-12-2011, 09:35 AM
 
Location: In my view finder.....
8,515 posts, read 16,156,595 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SamBarrow View Post
Well every person of every ethnicity does "represent" people that look like them to some extent. All people form stereotypes, that's just how we think.
Sorry, I don't represent anyone but me. Nor will I ever walk around thinking that I have too represent the black race. I don't think so. Others may think I represent but I don't.

I look like a man, does that mean I represent for men? No, it does not.
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Old 06-12-2011, 09:38 AM
 
Location: La lune et les étoiles
18,258 posts, read 22,489,704 times
Reputation: 19593
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron. View Post
Represent who? Me, other blacks? You don't represent me nor others blacks, no more than Oprah represents black women.

That's a silly way to think. You're willing to carry the burdens of an entire race on your back? Good luck with that. I wish blacks would stop thinking like they need to "represent". Silly Wabbits
When I say "represent", I mean to put one's best foot forward and I do that every single day because that is how I was taught to move throughout the world.

And whether or not you know it (understand it, accept it), you are judged against the stereotypes that are deeply engrained about Black people.
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