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Location: Currently I physically reside on the 3rd planet from the sun
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Reputation: 886
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I have another take on gay harrassment.
I'm a single father.
My girls (13) and I are pretty tight and work together to make things work with communication being a large part of the process.
I was uncomfortable with a situation at a dance where another young lady was clinging and crying all night on my daughter. No one appeared to be in any immediate harm so as a dance chaperone I didn't intervene. I considered girls at that age are going through changes and although my girls are not typically so emotionally dramatic perhaps this is normal for others.
After the dance I asked my daughter what was wrong and if her friend was going to be all right. She told me her friend is a lesbian and was upset because she didn't like her that way. I asked her if her friend often acted that way and if it made her uncomfortable. She said yes, but her friend trusted her and couldn't talk to a lot of people about things that she was uncomfortable with. I asked what kind of things.
Supposedly her friend is a cutter, her friend has anger issues and is seeing a therapist about them, her friend is adopted and was sexually abused by her natural parents from infancy to 5 years old. Her friend also shared supposed intimacy experiences with her and claimed that she was not going to hide or be ashamed of her sexual identity.
I again asked her if this made her uncomfortable. She said yes, but her friend told her she was a special friend and she couldn't talk to very many people about these things.
My girls are both physically affectionate with hugs, hand holding and they will often kiss friends and teachers as well as dad on the cheek. They still hold my hand occaisionally in public without thinking about it. We had a talk about physical expressions of affection and misinterpretation by others. I'd never even considered this before.
As far as the young ladies issues, I don't know how much is exaggeration, lies or literal truth. I do know that she is adopted in a middle to upper middle class family. I do not know her parents and chose not to speak with them concerning their daughter as I don't want to intrude uninvited upon their families personal and private issues. Especially if these issues are not true or exaggerations.
I did call the school and talk to the principal about this. I asked him if he was aware of this young ladies issues and if she had the support she needed. He told me that yes, he was aware that there are many students struggling with gender issues at the school. I also told him I was uncomfortable with the pressure she was putting on my daughter. At this point he became somewhat defensive and told me that the school did not interfere in student relationships as long as they conformed to school policy regarding appropriate behavior.
That is all well and fine, but I can't help but believe that if it was a young man expressing not just his sexuality but supposed intimate experiences a word would have been said if not a much sterner warning about harrassment.
As for my daughter, I told her that she is not obligated to participate in a relationship, conversation or subject that she is not comfortable with. I told her that if someone tries to make her feel guilty for not wanting to share certain information or conversations that is manipulative and not real friendship. Her relationship cooled with this young lady after that. I'm not sure if that is because of what I said or other reasons and have just let it be for now.
I am upset. I feel as a father that a "gay" agenda makes it difficult to protect my children from inappropriate situations. At their age I don't believe sexual activity is appropriate. Any sexual activity, hetero or homo. But again if someone of the same sex targets my child for inappropriatly aggressive pursuit it creates a situation where you risk being called a bigot to protect your child.
I've moved my girls to another school for the next year.
A thread addressing "gay harassment" prompted me to start this thread. I haven't really talked about this with anyone except a Christian friend and that was a mistake.
Yep, a similar scenario happened with my daughter when she was in the 9th grade. But this kid was a gay boy, tried to play the sympathy card and later attempted to introduce her to drugs.
He was a 17 yr old 11th grader at the time.
I had him run out of the school. Worthless kid. Lots more details but I'll summarize by saying he was a worthless misfit that hoped to make others miserable.
I'm a single father.
My girls (13) and I are pretty tight and work together to make things work with communication being a large part of the process.
I was uncomfortable with a situation at a dance where another young lady was clinging and crying all night on my daughter. No one appeared to be in any immediate harm so as a dance chaperone I didn't intervene. I considered girls at that age are going through changes and although my girls are not typically so emotionally dramatic perhaps this is normal for others.
After the dance I asked my daughter what was wrong and if her friend was going to be all right. She told me her friend is a lesbian and was upset because she didn't like her that way. I asked her if her friend often acted that way and if it made her uncomfortable. She said yes, but her friend trusted her and couldn't talk to a lot of people about things that she was uncomfortable with. I asked what kind of things.
Supposedly her friend is a cutter, her friend has anger issues and is seeing a therapist about them, her friend is adopted and was sexually abused by her natural parents from infancy to 5 years old. Her friend also shared supposed intimacy experiences with her and claimed that she was not going to hide or be ashamed of her sexual identity.
I again asked her if this made her uncomfortable. She said yes, but her friend told her she was a special friend and she couldn't talk to very many people about these things.
My girls are both physically affectionate with hugs, hand holding and they will often kiss friends and teachers as well as dad on the cheek. They still hold my hand occaisionally in public without thinking about it. We had a talk about physical expressions of affection and misinterpretation by others. I'd never even considered this before.
As far as the young ladies issues, I don't know how much is exaggeration, lies or literal truth. I do know that she is adopted in a middle to upper middle class family. I do not know her parents and chose not to speak with them concerning their daughter as I don't want to intrude uninvited upon their families personal and private issues. Especially if these issues are not true or exaggerations.
I did call the school and talk to the principal about this. I asked him if he was aware of this young ladies issues and if she had the support she needed. He told me that yes, he was aware that there are many students struggling with gender issues at the school. I also told him I was uncomfortable with the pressure she was putting on my daughter. At this point he became somewhat defensive and told me that the school did not interfere in student relationships as long as they conformed to school policy regarding appropriate behavior.
That is all well and fine, but I can't help but believe that if it was a young man expressing not just his sexuality but supposed intimate experiences a word would have been said if not a much sterner warning about harrassment.
As for my daughter, I told her that she is not obligated to participate in a relationship, conversation or subject that she is not comfortable with. I told her that if someone tries to make her feel guilty for not wanting to share certain information or conversations that is manipulative and not real friendship. Her relationship cooled with this young lady after that. I'm not sure if that is because of what I said or other reasons and have just let it be for now.
I am upset. I feel as a father that a "gay" agenda makes it difficult to protect my children from inappropriate situations. At their age I don't believe sexual activity is appropriate. Any sexual activity, hetero or homo. But again if someone of the same sex targets my child for inappropriatly aggressive pursuit it creates a situation where you risk being called a bigot to protect your child.
I've moved my girls to another school for the next year.
A thread addressing "gay harassment" prompted me to start this thread. I haven't really talked about this with anyone except a Christian friend and that was a mistake.
jwm1964
What a excellent example of ''the other side of the coin'' regarding this difficult situation.
jwn, I think your post is the best I have ever read on this...or any forum. Thank you for sharing....and for being such an attentive, protecting Dad. I fervently prayed for the girl who was telling your daughter about her lesbian feelings.....and see your child needs continued guidence and prayer.
I don't know if I read gay harassment into the OP or not. I know teens can be wierd, dramatic, emotional, and basically bat-s-crazy. Both my kids had toxic and troubling friendships over the course of their schooling, nothing homosexual in nature but not any different that what's been described. My son actually did talk to a teacher about one girl who he thought might actually be insane. The schools don't have much power to do anything about this kind of stuff.
I'm a single father.
My girls (13) and I are pretty tight and work together to make things work with communication being a large part of the process.
I was uncomfortable with a situation at a dance where another young lady was clinging and crying all night on my daughter. No one appeared to be in any immediate harm so as a dance chaperone I didn't intervene. I considered girls at that age are going through changes and although my girls are not typically so emotionally dramatic perhaps this is normal for others.
After the dance I asked my daughter what was wrong and if her friend was going to be all right. She told me her friend is a lesbian and was upset because she didn't like her that way. I asked her if her friend often acted that way and if it made her uncomfortable. She said yes, but her friend trusted her and couldn't talk to a lot of people about things that she was uncomfortable with. I asked what kind of things.
Supposedly her friend is a cutter, her friend has anger issues and is seeing a therapist about them, her friend is adopted and was sexually abused by her natural parents from infancy to 5 years old. Her friend also shared supposed intimacy experiences with her and claimed that she was not going to hide or be ashamed of her sexual identity.
I again asked her if this made her uncomfortable. She said yes, but her friend told her she was a special friend and she couldn't talk to very many people about these things.
My girls are both physically affectionate with hugs, hand holding and they will often kiss friends and teachers as well as dad on the cheek. They still hold my hand occaisionally in public without thinking about it. We had a talk about physical expressions of affection and misinterpretation by others. I'd never even considered this before.
As far as the young ladies issues, I don't know how much is exaggeration, lies or literal truth. I do know that she is adopted in a middle to upper middle class family. I do not know her parents and chose not to speak with them concerning their daughter as I don't want to intrude uninvited upon their families personal and private issues. Especially if these issues are not true or exaggerations.
I did call the school and talk to the principal about this. I asked him if he was aware of this young ladies issues and if she had the support she needed. He told me that yes, he was aware that there are many students struggling with gender issues at the school. I also told him I was uncomfortable with the pressure she was putting on my daughter. At this point he became somewhat defensive and told me that the school did not interfere in student relationships as long as they conformed to school policy regarding appropriate behavior.
That is all well and fine, but I can't help but believe that if it was a young man expressing not just his sexuality but supposed intimate experiences a word would have been said if not a much sterner warning about harrassment.
As for my daughter, I told her that she is not obligated to participate in a relationship, conversation or subject that she is not comfortable with. I told her that if someone tries to make her feel guilty for not wanting to share certain information or conversations that is manipulative and not real friendship. Her relationship cooled with this young lady after that. I'm not sure if that is because of what I said or other reasons and have just let it be for now.
I am upset. I feel as a father that a "gay" agenda makes it difficult to protect my children from inappropriate situations. At their age I don't believe sexual activity is appropriate. Any sexual activity, hetero or homo. But again if someone of the same sex targets my child for inappropriatly aggressive pursuit it creates a situation where you risk being called a bigot to protect your child.
I've moved my girls to another school for the next year.
A thread addressing "gay harassment" prompted me to start this thread. I haven't really talked about this with anyone except a Christian friend and that was a mistake.
You are probably correct. Had never really thought about this aspect. A whole new "can of worms" being opened up, so to speak. I'm sure we will be reading of more cases like yours. Good luck.
I'm a single father.
My girls (13) and I are pretty tight and work together to make things work with communication being a large part of the process.
I was uncomfortable with a situation at a dance where another young lady was clinging and crying all night on my daughter. No one appeared to be in any immediate harm so as a dance chaperone I didn't intervene. I considered girls at that age are going through changes and although my girls are not typically so emotionally dramatic perhaps this is normal for others.
After the dance I asked my daughter what was wrong and if her friend was going to be all right. She told me her friend is a lesbian and was upset because she didn't like her that way. I asked her if her friend often acted that way and if it made her uncomfortable. She said yes, but her friend trusted her and couldn't talk to a lot of people about things that she was uncomfortable with. I asked what kind of things.
Supposedly her friend is a cutter, her friend has anger issues and is seeing a therapist about them, her friend is adopted and was sexually abused by her natural parents from infancy to 5 years old. Her friend also shared supposed intimacy experiences with her and claimed that she was not going to hide or be ashamed of her sexual identity.
I again asked her if this made her uncomfortable. She said yes, but her friend told her she was a special friend and she couldn't talk to very many people about these things.
My girls are both physically affectionate with hugs, hand holding and they will often kiss friends and teachers as well as dad on the cheek. They still hold my hand occaisionally in public without thinking about it. We had a talk about physical expressions of affection and misinterpretation by others. I'd never even considered this before.
As far as the young ladies issues, I don't know how much is exaggeration, lies or literal truth. I do know that she is adopted in a middle to upper middle class family. I do not know her parents and chose not to speak with them concerning their daughter as I don't want to intrude uninvited upon their families personal and private issues. Especially if these issues are not true or exaggerations.
I did call the school and talk to the principal about this. I asked him if he was aware of this young ladies issues and if she had the support she needed. He told me that yes, he was aware that there are many students struggling with gender issues at the school. I also told him I was uncomfortable with the pressure she was putting on my daughter. At this point he became somewhat defensive and told me that the school did not interfere in student relationships as long as they conformed to school policy regarding appropriate behavior.
That is all well and fine, but I can't help but believe that if it was a young man expressing not just his sexuality but supposed intimate experiences a word would have been said if not a much sterner warning about harrassment.
As for my daughter, I told her that she is not obligated to participate in a relationship, conversation or subject that she is not comfortable with. I told her that if someone tries to make her feel guilty for not wanting to share certain information or conversations that is manipulative and not real friendship. Her relationship cooled with this young lady after that. I'm not sure if that is because of what I said or other reasons and have just let it be for now.
I am upset. I feel as a father that a "gay" agenda makes it difficult to protect my children from inappropriate situations. At their age I don't believe sexual activity is appropriate. Any sexual activity, hetero or homo. But again if someone of the same sex targets my child for inappropriatly aggressive pursuit it creates a situation where you risk being called a bigot to protect your child.
I've moved my girls to another school for the next year.
A thread addressing "gay harassment" prompted me to start this thread. I haven't really talked about this with anyone except a Christian friend and that was a mistake.
As a lesbian mum with 3 teen daughters (who are straight), I would also be concerned if a girl (or a boy) tried to do the same thing with one of my daughters.
This girl sounds like she had a lot of emotional problems and has very poor boundaries. Whether she is actually really "gay" or not is really a moot point. But I can understand why you might feel uncomfortable.
You've already moved your daughter to another school, but if you are worried about anything like this happening again, a good place to start is to teach your daughter about healthy boundaries and positive self-esteem, so she can express when she feels uncomfortable with the behavior of other people towards her.
I don't know if I read gay harassment into the OP or not. I know teens can be wierd, dramatic, emotional, and basically bat-s-crazy. Both my kids had toxic and troubling friendships over the course of their schooling, nothing homosexual in nature but not any different that what's been described. My son actually did talk to a teacher about one girl who he thought might actually be insane. The schools don't have much power to do anything about this kind of stuff.
Quote
''Sorry buddy, but that's a scumbag move. I'll pm you directly just to make sure you hear it.''
Speaking of a bonafide 'scumbag'.....you homo's travel in pack's...like wild dogs, doncha, Whako? Around 3 in the early morning...you feel it's safe to come out from under your rocks...like Count Dracula.
Location: Currently I physically reside on the 3rd planet from the sun
2,220 posts, read 1,877,655 times
Reputation: 886
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaymax
I would question whether a 13 year old child who has been sexually, physically and emotionally abused and is a cutter, would really know if she was a lesbian or not. I've worked with a few adult women clients who were sexually abused as children who called themselves lesbians but they had no sexual attraction to women. They just felt women were safer and they wanted emotional relationships. Didn't make them lesbians.
But whether she was "lesbian" or not is a moot point. She would be extremely emotionally damaged because of her history- and that would be the reason I would be cautious about a 13 year daughter being her friend, not her supposed sexuality.
I do question the title of the thread though. Not really accurate.
Jay, All I know is pretty much what I have shared with you guys and this is all second hand from my daughter.
For all I know, this young lady could be speaking the absolute truth in which case she is obviously dealing with some very difficult issues.
For all I know, she absolutely could have been playing nothing but games with my daughter.
For all I know, it could be a combination of the two.
Regardless of the motivation, maturity or emotional state - to try to coerce another into an emotional or physical commitment through guilt or manipulation I absolutely believe is a type of emotional bullying. Especially to a 13 year old kid who is 13 going on 14, not 13 going on 18.
I do believe my daughter told me what she believed is the truth and I appreciate your support and advice. I do believe because the issue involves a 'same sex' dynamic it automatically escalates, puts everybody on edge and makes it much more difficult to address reasonably. I think the insults, language and hot tempers here vindicate that sentiment.
I do want to teach my children how to address this type of dynamic whether it comes from a boy or a girl. That said, if it comes from a boy I'm pretty sure there would be more support and less heat in addressing the issue. I'm also pretty sure if this issue involved a boy instead of a girl I wouldn't have been called a bigot, douche bag (which in itself is vulgar and generally insulting to all) or a eunich.
Anyway, thats why I titled the thread as I did.
And for the record, that type of anger and vulgarity directed at me is why I considered the other message threatening.
Jay, All I know is pretty much what I have shared with you guys and this is all second hand from my daughter.
For all I know, this young lady could be speaking the absolute truth in which case she is obviously dealing with some very difficult issues.
For all I know, she absolutely could have been playing nothing but games with my daughter.
For all I know, it could be a combination of the two.
Regardless of the motivation, maturity or emotional state - to try to coerce another into an emotional or physical commitment through guilt or manipulation I absolutely believe is a type of emotional bullying. Especially to a 13 year old kid who is 13 going on 14, not 13 going on 18.
I do believe my daughter told me what she believed is the truth and I appreciate your support and advice. I do believe because the issue involves a 'same sex' dynamic it automatically escalates, puts everybody on edge and makes it much more difficult to address reasonably. I think the insults, language and hot tempers here vindicate that sentiment.
I do want to teach my children how to address this type of dynamic whether it comes from a boy or a girl. That said, if it comes from a boy I'm pretty sure there would be more support and less heat in addressing the issue. I'm also pretty sure if this issue involved a boy instead of a girl I wouldn't have been called a bigot, douche bag (which in itself is vulgar and generally insulting to all) or a eunich.
Anyway, thats why I titled the thread as I did.
And for the record, that type of anger and vulgarity directed at me is why I considered the other message threatening.
Sorry you got attacked. I think the poster may have immediately assumed you were being anti-gay and unsupportive of an abused girl. I didn't see that at all. All I saw was a dad who was concerned for his daughter being drawn in to an emotionally abusive "friendship" and was confused about how you should have handled it because of the possible same-sex situation.
I think you did the right thing in protecting your daughter from what could be an emotionally damaging situation. 13 is far too young to be able to cope well with someone that emotionally damaged. You spoke with the principal about your concerns which I think was also the right thing.
I do understand what you mean by adding in a possible "same-sex dynamic" and why you may have felt even more uncomfortable because of it.
Last edited by Ceist; 07-10-2011 at 05:01 AM..
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