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OP, I didn't read your initial post, so I don't know what's going on in your marriage, but I would be surprised if it were smooth sailing.
I don't think that people are critical of your wife because she's a single mom. That's gender biasing. But I would definitely characterize her as irresponsible, just as I would a man. To my mind, if a man fathers three children with three different women, none of whom he marries (or who want to marry him), that's equally as irresponsible.
We're talking about human children here, not rescue pets. Raising a child is a ginormous responsibility with which to be charged. It's very difficult for me to grasp the idea that a human being — man or woman — repeated the same mistake three times. Really difficult.
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Originally Posted by zentropa That led me to ponder another question, why is it that public perception is somehow she's not a good person/mother etc? I mean I know if she was a divorced mother of 3 all from the same father public percetion is more sympathetic towards women like my wife, even bordering feeling sorry for them as if they've been dealt a bad hand in life.
Being "dealt a bad hand in life" is something that happens beyond one's control. An example would be a serious illness.
This situation doesn't qualify. Sorry.
That quote is not mine! It belongs to the OP. Please fix it, thanks.
If the whole circus you posted on the other thread is even true, I judge the whole thing, you included .
So it's a good idea to give one of the kids back to her father, but you and your wife want to have kids together? How is the kid she relinquishes to her father supposed to feel when she gets older? Mom wants freedom and she gets that how? By giving up one of her three kids and then having more later on? Very strange . Every other weekend mom? More like "we'll see you next summer" mom.....that is, if you still plan to move.
As far as moms who choose not to have custody of their kids, I knew a lady whose ex and his second wife had custody of her two boys, both now adults. She also has/had the financial resources to pay child support, fly her boys up and back for regular visits with her and her family - was at least once a month and all school breaks. I'm sure some thought it was a little different but it worked for them, everyone got along for the most part.
Your situation is not what I just described . Your situation is haphazard with three different baby daddies, in and out of court, not enough resources, a husband who isn't sure he wants what he signed up for, wants his wife to give up custody of one of her kids......in a word, drama. You even said two of her kids were fathered by strangers....not one but TWO of them???? Holy b*lls. Who actually pays attention to the kids with all this BS going on?
BTW, no one I know believes that absentee dads are somehow more acceptable - they are not. Guys who go around and make babies with multiple women are not any better, worse, or acceptable than a woman who does the same.
What you still fail to see....any judgment you received was regarding your specific situation, not on the general topic of
single mothers.
So it's a good idea to give one of the kids back to her father, but you and your wife want to have kids together? How is the kid she relinquishes to her father supposed to feel when she gets older?
OMG. Seriously?
How does the OP and his W intend to figure out which kid goes to live with bio-dad? Did a baby daddy step to the plate, or do the kids have to draw straws?
As far as the rest of it, I think this woman has had enough children, thankyouverymuch. One of whom she wants to give away. Ah, no. Just N-O.
Please step way, way back and think about how this sounds to the average person, OP. Sounds totally torqued to me.
How does the OP and his W intend to figure out which kid goes to live with bio-dad? Did a baby daddy step to the plate, or do the kids have to draw straws?
As far as the rest of it, I think this woman has had enough children, thankyouverymuch. One of whom she wants to give away. Ah, no. Just N-O.
Please step way, way back and think about how this sounds to the average person, OP. Sounds totally torqued to me.
Yep . I believe giving up the youngest was suggested to the mom by a relative .
I posted a week ago about issues I was dealing w/ in my marriage on if I should stay put or check out, in that post I gave some insight into my marriage insight in hindsight maybe I should've never given cause there were many of you that felt as if it gave you a free pass to not address my question/concerns at hand and instead used your response as open season to attack my wife (who is a mother of 3, and all 3 have separate fathers).
That led me to ponder another question, why is it that public perception is somehow she's not a good person/mother etc? I mean I know if she was a divorced mother of 3 all from the same father public percetion is more sympathetic towards women like my wife, even bordering feeling sorry for them as if they've been dealt a bad hand in life.
Many of you lashed out calling my wife an unfit mother, trash, ***** etc. But funny thing was those same people also said that it would be selfish of her to want her own life and let the fathers take the everyday role and she take the everyother weekend role.
This totally perplexed me cause what I took from that is that it's ok for a man to walk away from his everyday responsibility and live his life (or more socially exceptable) but if the mom does it or wants a better life for her and her children it's unheard of.
Your honest and educated and clean responses would be appreciated.
I didn't see your other thread(I don't think)...but judgeing what I've read above....you shouldn't be at all surprised at the responses you've received "attacking" your wife....YOU are the one who supplied all the dirt on her....even in the above post...you just HAD to point out the fact that her children are all from different fathers...why is that??...I think you thrive on, and love the drama....it's never ok for a parent to walk away from their children....be it man or woman...
I have a cousin who has three children by three different fathers. She had her first at 19 and the relationship didn't work out. Several years later, she got married and had her second child with her husband. The marriage didn't work out and several years later, she remarried. She just recently had her third child by her third man.
It would be a whole different story if she had had all three of these children from one-night stands. She was married to two out of three, and the first was when she was young and had an accident.
I don't think a woman should be judged by the amount of fathers, but how she came about having that many fathers. A woman who is widowed or divorced is in a far different situation from a woman who sleeps around and doesn't know who the fathers of her children are.
I slightly disagree. My cousin has the same situation. She had her first at 20 with the first man, married and divorced the second one with another child, and had a third from another man she's married to now. As much as I love my cousin, people may still frown upon it to a certain extent, because it still broke up the families of two children: Three different kids is still three different kids from three different relationships. However, being a widowed is an exception.
That said, I am wishing the best for this friend of yours (,as well as my cousin).
It's not a huge expense when the taxpayer is footing most of the bill.
Women who keep having babies when they're not married do so because the more kids they have the more they get in welfare and food stamps.
It isn't a mistake, it's a lifestyle.
First of all, I call BS on your statement, seain.
I'm sure you can provide stats on your comments.
While you're looking up your stats, how about comparing the cost of support to the cost of war and corporate welfare?
To the OP,
To even consider giving up one child because you want another is beyond the pale.
Do you think that these kids haven't bonded and made themselves into some kind of family, even with clearly bad parents?
To rip them apart because you don't like the dynamics and want yet another child?
Do you not think that the unwanted child will have problems later in life directly related to your decision? Do you not think that the remaining kids will be the same?
I pity the kids.
I'll stop here.
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Not sure how that happened. Corrected.
. I believe giving up the youngest was suggested to the mom by a relative 
