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European women have no idealism of the institution of chastity as any kind of insurance against making a bad marriage decision. Many middle class white children are born out of wedlock in France, Germany, Holland, etc. America has legions of middle class white children whose parent were married at the time of their conception or shortly thereafter who become children of single parent households by or before their 5th birthday.
If I had knowledge of real benefit to the black community I sure wouldn't waste my time or the messages impact posting it in a forum where blacks are 0.04% of the participants. If I just wanted to engage in some idle character assassination OTOH... ...
I absolutely disagree that pre-marital sex or promiscuity make black women unwed mothers. Ignorance about birth control is what makes black women unwed mothers. That and the poor economic opportunities for black men. Period.
This thread was created to discuss the importance of black women waiting until marriage to have children. Women who abstain from sex, do not need to use ANY form of birth control.
Also, contrary to popular belief, there's a sizable number of black women who read and post on citi data.
Last edited by HoneyBee2010; 01-16-2012 at 11:34 AM..
I believe in marriage but it doesn't mean that will make them good parent.
True, but it is a recognized contract that is used in our society, government, insurance, etc, asset sharing. It is a standard that recognizes a union between two people and there are social and monetary implications for those who do not use it.
Also, contrary to popular belief, there's a sizable number of black women who read and post on citi data.
But how many are registered and participate? I've been on this site for years and from my experience, I think there are less than 10 black women on here who regularly post (and not much more who sign up but don't visit C-D a lot), and even less who visit the P&OC forum.
Look, I'm probably speaking to someone who already has me on ignore b/c I didn't agree w/ you, but trust me when I say, this is your audience. Have you seen the hate filled threads regarding our First Lady? The less-than-subtle racism in some other threads. I like C-D a lot and tolerate some of the antics that go on in the P&OC forum, but this isn't the audience for this sort of message. Most black women I know don't pay Psychology Today much mind b/c of their past racist articles so that's not really your best support. You'd be far, far better off putting your thoughts together into a thoughtful, insightful essay and submitting it to Essence Magazine or sites/blogs geared towards black women for an idea like like yours to get any traction.
My best friend was with her boyfriend for a year, when he suggested they have a baby. She did mention that they should get married first but her boyfriend said, "what? We don't need to be married to have a baby. None of the women in my family are married and they all have kids." Having children out of wedlock is a generational practice in his family that he considered normal. It is not something that is frowned upon or condemned. He also believes that planning pregnancy is 'strange', you just have sex, and if it happens, it happens, regardless of if you are ready for it or not.
I think this is why so many children are born out of wedlock in the AA community.
Wow so Black people can have only one opinion and if they deviate from it they are not Black? I really feel sorry for some of you who think there is only one way to be Black. You need to get out more.
Also there is nothing in Honey's post that indicate that she is not what she claims. I've run into women like her all the time.
People seem to think the only Black people on this planet are African Americans.
Does acting Black apply to Nigerian or Ghanian women? Or women who live in Trinidad?
True, but it is a recognized contract that is used in our society, government, insurance, etc, asset sharing. It is a standard that recognizes a union between two people and there are social and monetary implications for those who do not use it.
But what are the benefits to the community? How does it truly help a family unit beyond providing some government benefits and rights?
I truly believe, as mentioned previously, that in the oft-touted 70% of OOW births, a chunk are to those whose parents are in a LTR (and sadly, a few to parents who are in a LTR, but it goes unreported for welfare related reasons). Whether you're poor and married or poor and in a LTR, the community issues still exist. As I said before, nothing overtly wrong with marriage (and I know my position on it is nontraditional), but it's not the panacea troubled black communities are looking for, nor does it really tackle the root of the problem.
I agree but I think it is more about teaching men and women to be better parents. I am a divorced black women. At one time I believed that marriage would make a difference (when I was younger). But in my opinion now I am older and experienced, it REALLY doesn't make a difference. Here is why. If you have a child by a good man, he is going to be there regardless for his child. If you marry a guy that is a loser, he is not going to be there. I divorced a man that is a good father in most aspects and regardless of our differences he tries to be their for our child. I also know plenty of black and white women that have children by their ex boyfriends that are very good fathers. On the other side, I know black and white women that have deadbeat loser ex husbands that use to beat them and run from child support.
My point is that I strongly believe that it is not as much about marriage as it is in educate men and women of all races to be the best parents they can be to their children. I believe in marriage but it doesn't mean that will make them good parent.
You did not read the thread in its entirety. I am advocating that black women learn to VET men properly and wait until marriage before having children. I never stated that it's a good idea to simply marry any man, irrespective of his character.
Furthermore, how do you propose that parents educate their children on how to become 'good parents,' if one of the parent's is missing in action? Children learn by example. Far too many black girls have learned from their mom's that having a husband/father is unimportant, and far too many black boys have learned, by watching the actions of their absent dads, that abandoning children is perfectly fine. It's apparent that black boys and girls are learning by WATCHING the actions of the men and women within their communities. After all, actions speak louder than words.
But how many are registered and participate? I've been on this site for years and from my experience, I think there are less than 10 black women on here who regularly post (and not much more who sign up but don't visit C-D a lot), and even less who visit the P&OC forum.
Look, I'm probably speaking to someone who already has me on ignore b/c I didn't agree w/ you, but trust me when I say, this is your audience. Have you seen the hate filled threads regarding our First Lady? The less-than-subtle racism in some other threads. I like C-D a lot and tolerate some of the antics that go on in the P&OC forum, but this isn't the audience for this sort of message. Most black women I know don't pay Psychology Today much mind b/c of their past racist articles so that's not really your best support. You'd be far, far better off putting your thoughts together into a thoughtful, insightful essay and submitting it to Essence Magazine or sites/blogs geared towards black women for an idea like like yours to get any traction.
I have befriended several black women from citi data on and offline.
But what are the benefits to the community? How does it truly help a family unit beyond providing some government benefits and rights?
I truly believe, as mentioned previously, that in the oft-touted 70% of OOW births, a chunk are to those whose parents are in a LTR (and sadly, a few to parents who are in a LTR, but it goes unreported for welfare related reasons). Whether you're poor and married or poor and in a LTR, the community issues still exist. As I said before, nothing overtly wrong with marriage (and I know my position on it is nontraditional), but it's not the panacea troubled black communities are looking for, nor does it really tackle the root of the problem.
The benefits are that two people, and possibly their extended families, will take on the task of raising the kids after marriage as opposed to whoever happens to be around. Sure things can and do break down sometimes, but if you don't start the best point then when things go bad they go really bad.
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