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Old 01-15-2012, 08:38 AM
 
Location: USA
139 posts, read 43,002 times
Reputation: 78
Default A question.. having children out of wedlock

I'm a black woman and I was speaking with an associate about the number of women willing to have out of wedlock children, without any commitment (i.e. marriage). Presently, over 70% of black children are born out of wedlock. Why do so many black women continue to settle for so little? Having a child is a very serious commitment. Why are so many black women willing to have children, without requiring that the man commit through marriage?

Yes, there's a lot of other races of women who also have children out of wedlock, but let's be honest, their communities are not experiencing the same levels of poverty and devastation.
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Old 01-15-2012, 08:42 AM
Status: "Ft. Knox/Louisville for the weekend." (set 8 hours ago)
 
Location: The Millennial Republic of Arlington, Virginia
14,469 posts, read 16,137,077 times
Reputation: 14414
Quote:
Originally Posted by HoneyBee2010 View Post
I'm a black woman and I was speaking with an associate about the number of women willing to have out of wedlock children, without any commitment (i.e. marriage). Presently, over 70% of black children are born out of wedlock. Why do so many black women continue to settle for so little? Having a child is a very serious commitment. Why are so many black women willing to have children, without requiring that the man commit through marriage?

Yes, there's a lot of other races of women who also have children out of wedlock, but let's be honest, their communities are not experiencing the same levels of poverty and devastation.
Actually a black man, but I think why black women have kids out of wedlock at an alarming rate comes down to two reasons. 1. They hope having children will drive their mate to a commitment. 2. A culture that encourages high-risk sexual behavior resulting in a few accidential pregnancies.
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Old 01-15-2012, 08:53 AM
 
Location: USA
139 posts, read 43,002 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alanboy395 View Post
Actually a black man, but I think why black women have kids out of wedlock at an alarming rate comes down to two reasons. 1. They hope having children will drive their mate to a commitment. 2. A culture that encourages high-risk sexual behavior resulting in a few accidential pregnancies.
It's hard for me to believe this, because everyone knows 70% of black children are born out of wedlock, and most grow up in single woman headed homes. The stats actually prove; most guys abandon the women and children, they do not stick around after the child is born.

I agree that black culture is too hypersexual. I do not believe in pre-marital sex. I know a few people who laugh, but I've never had to worry about abortions, out of wedlock children or stds.

Also, I get to spend my 80K salary on myself (which is great). In contrast, I look at the lives of some of my family, and I feel very sad for them. I wish there was a way to wake up more black women.
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:04 AM
 
Location: USA
139 posts, read 43,002 times
Reputation: 78
On a brighter note, there is an online campaign which was started by a black woman called "No Wedding No Womb." I recently joined the site, but I notice there are relatively few black men supporting the campaign. It would be great if more black men showed their support.

Last edited by CaseyB; 01-16-2012 at 05:09 AM.. Reason: promoting website
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:08 AM
Status: "52 days till college football" (set 9 days ago)
 
Location: Houston, Tx
7,085 posts, read 3,784,333 times
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If black women or any women keep their legs closed, then they can't get pregnant. Case closed. Next! Im black and I haven't "abandoned" any kids, because I don't have any. I use this little thing called condoms, they work pretty good. If black women want to have kids in a married relationship then quite sleeping around.
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:12 AM
 
Location: USA
139 posts, read 43,002 times
Reputation: 78
Quote:
Originally Posted by 14Bricks View Post
If black women or any women keep their legs closed, then they can't get pregnant. Case closed. Next! Im black and I haven't "abandoned" any kids, because I don't have any. I use this little thing called condoms, they work pretty good. If black women want to have kids in a married relationship then quite sleeping around.
I have never engaged in any form of sex, and I'm in my late 20s. No amount of media propaganda/brainwashing will ever convince me that it's ok.

Have you supported the campaign at no wedding no womb? Why not show your support? I find it interesting that so many black people feel strongly about this issue, but few are willing to do anything about the problem.

No Wedding, No Womb! Let's change the course for our kids and Be the Change we want to see!
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:12 AM
 
818 posts, read 680,526 times
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For the record, I am a black woman from Africa, multiple degrees, no children and my family has never had a kid out of wedlock. Marriage is highly prized where I'm from. My friends are the same way.

Black women are not a monolithic group

Last edited by CaseyB; 01-15-2012 at 05:02 PM.. Reason: please keep to the topic
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:13 AM
 
3,078 posts, read 1,902,606 times
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Why do so many black women continue to settle for so little? Having a child is a very serious commitment. Why are so many black women willing to have children, without requiring that the man commit through marriage?

It takes relationship skills to navigate and negotiate one's way through a relationship to arrive at the altar. You need only look at how many of these girls had healthy relationships with both parents or even access to committed and unselfish parents who could have prepared them to do this.

Black women having children out of wedlock don't just show up out of no where. You have to look at their backgrounds. You have to be fair and admit the poverty and devastation played a part and that it is self-perpetuating through generations if it is not stopped.

Black women are just born black women. They are black little girls FIRST. They are born into homes with absent or self-absorbed or abusive fathers, and indifferent, insecure, narcissistic or resentful mothers. They go to school and are treated like pieces of meat or breeding stock. They are talked to like their idiots by the teachers and school administrors. They are harrassed and abused by their partners, young black males. In the media they are exposed to overt and covert messages that they have nothing to offer except t-and-a. They are lied to and told they have no worth or dignity or desirability outside of this idea.

HOW is a black girl supposed to grow up to be strong black woman who can say NO to getting impgregnated by a SPERM DONOR, who can require that their partners provide a commitment to them as a partner and father of the baby???
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:20 AM
 
Location: USA
139 posts, read 43,002 times
Reputation: 78
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peacelilies View Post
This sounds like a race baiting thread.
Why are black women always the ones up for discussion?
Why are they always stereotyped negatively?
Why oh Why oh Why?

For the record, I am a black woman from Africa, multiple degrees, no children and my family has never had a kid out of wedlock. Marriage is highly prized where I'm from. My friends are the same way.

Black people are not a monolithic group
I'm an African American woman and it distresses me to see so many black American children growing up without fathers.

It's an epidemic in the U.S. The majority of black American children are raised in a single parent home, which unfortunately only adds to poverty and crime.
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:28 AM
 
Location: USA
139 posts, read 43,002 times
Reputation: 78
Quote:
Originally Posted by laorbust61 View Post
Why do so many black women continue to settle for so little? Having a child is a very serious commitment. Why are so many black women willing to have children, without requiring that the man commit through marriage?

It takes relationship skills to navigate and negotiate one's way through a relationship to arrive at the altar. You need only look at how many of these girls had healthy relationships with both parents or even access to committed and unselfish parents who could have prepared them to do this.

Black women having children out of wedlock don't just show up out of no where. You have to look at their backgrounds. You have to be fair and admit the poverty and devastation played a part and that it is self-perpetuating through generations if it is not stopped.

Black women are just born black women. They are black little girls FIRST. They are born into homes with absent or self-absorbed or abusive fathers, and indifferent, insecure, narcissistic or resentful mothers. They go to school and are treated like pieces of meat or breeding stock. They are talked to like their idiots by the teachers and school administrors. They are harrassed and abused by their partners, young black males. In the media they are exposed to overt and covert messages that they have nothing to offer except t-and-a. They are lied to and told they have no worth or dignity or desirability outside of this idea.

HOW is a black girl supposed to grow up to be strong black woman who can say NO to getting impgregnated by a SPERM DONOR, who can require that their partners provide a commitment to them as a partner and father of the baby???
Mentorship programs and education are viable solutions. More black girls need to be exposed to college educated black women who do not have children out of wedlock. This will help them understand that having children out of wedlock is pathological and should be avoided at all cost.

You should think about joining No Wedding, No Womb! Let's change the course for our kids and Be the Change we want to see!

Last edited by HoneyBee2010; 01-15-2012 at 10:42 AM..
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