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You will recall that your OP stated that largest group of people living alone are middle-aged. Let's suppose that all things being 'normal,' some large number of those people have already raised their children and are 'empty-nesters.'
What does that mean for your thesis?
It means that those middle-aged (my age) "empty-nesters", whatever their numbers, are predominantly divorced or never-married. Half of the never-married probably did not raise their own children. Bad news all the way around.
It means that those middle-aged (my age) "empty-nesters", whatever their numbers, are predominantly divorced or never-married. Also bad news.
Any particular reason you neglected to mention 'widowed?'
And, you didn't address the point of my question.
Do you believe that people who have already raised their children and are now living alone are 'unloved' and "unattached?'
I'm just going to say that after marrying young and raising a family, divorcing after 30 years, and now caring for older parents and bounce-back adult kids...I welcome the chance to spend some quality alone time. I might share my life with a SO again or I might not, but only if they can bring something to my life that I don't already have.
So if people go to college away from their family (even in the dorms) or live on their own it breeds irresponsibility?
That doesn't mean people don't care about their family. I'm not sure who says it would.
So people should live with their parents till they marry? What is this, the middle ages?
Sorry, I went to college away from my family and I learned to live on my own just fine. I am very devoted to my family, and talk to my immediate family once a week. I talk to my extended on Facebook (there are over 100 of them, none of us can do that once a week and have a life) and visit them at least once a year. Your idea is that because I lived away from them I would never do this, and I obviously do...wrong. I have friends as well, and met my wife after I left my family to live on my own.
Exactly. I call my friends in socal very often still, not just family.
The whole 'extended family' argument fails when you look at the past. People were born, they grew up in the family, then they became adults. Back when I'm thinking it was far younger than today. A sixteen year old had more responsibilities than an 21 year old today. They had options. Families were typically large, and of the twelve children, a few stayed to help on the farm, and probably eventually it was theirs. The rest moved on, and often far. People were so much less afraid of just picking up stakes and moving on then. Today people agonize over it and those of us who do get the negative why would you move away from your family, and the positive but sad sure wish I had the nerve response.
We are a nation of movers and those who took a chance, especially people who willingly or not, came from so far away they'd never see or perhaps even hear from family. We don't encourage our children to stay in the parents home, but to move on and make a life. If it happens that the life they like is them and their space, its their choice.
Thing is, we never have. That's a myth which applies selectivly and regionally and was never the standard for many. Today we're lucky that we can move and still stay in touch. Imagine being put on a ship and shipped away with no hope at all of seeing home or family again and we see how lucky we are today.
Any particular reason you neglected to mention 'widowed?'
That's why I said "predominantly". Because few of them are widowed percentage-wise.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TigerLily24
And, you didn't address the point of my question. Do you believe that people who have already raised their children and are now living alone are 'unloved' and "unattached?'
As I said, many in the category of middle-aged singles living alone have not raised their children at all. Of those who have raised their children, many are divorced or never-married, which are indeed failures of love and commitment (not necessarily on their own part in the case of divorce).
Obviously there are many singles of all ages, living alone, who love a great deal and have made commitments to others. None of what I said is meant to judge any particular individual. What I am saying is that, as a trend, it is an extremely worrisome indicator.
I'm not proposing a one-size-fits-all solution for every family. But in general, it would be best if more people lived with their parents, or as nearby as possible, till they married and even after marriage.
You may be pining for the middle ages soon.
So, how did all the people who migrated from across the oceans, and from the ports feel about this? Historically that is not how our society was build. And all they got was the occasional letter. I'm not saying kick them out at 18 or 21, but expect adult responsibilites from them (ie rent or a reasonable substitute) and treat them like an adult and expect the same back. And encourage independence.
The saddest person I've ever met is a friend who's mother died a few years ago. They were deeply close, and even now, she doesn't feel whole without mom. Mom clung like a suction cup to her and deserves no praise for it. It was becasue Mom felt inadequate. Parents who cling to their children past adulthood, and children who cling to their parents are not allowing either the freedom to grow.
So, how did all the people who migrated from across the oceans, and from the ports feel about this? Historically that is not how our society was build.
Most came with at least some part of their extended families because they needed them. If they didn't have extended family, they had ethnic or religious communities to fill the gap.
My ancestors were immigrants, and I'm married to an immigrant, but immigration is always a less-than-ideal situation. My wife's family fled a communist country and left relatives behind with great heartbreak. My ancestors fled a European country due to economic hardship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nightbird47
I'm not saying kick them out at 18 or 21, but expect adult responsibilites from them (ie rent or a reasonable substitute) and treat them like an adult and expect the same back. And encourage independence.
The saddest person I've ever met is a friend who's mother died a few years ago. They were deeply close, and even now, she doesn't feel whole without mom. Mom clung like a suction cup to her and deserves no praise for it. It was becasue Mom felt inadequate. Parents who cling to their children past adulthood, and children who cling to their parents are not allowing either the freedom to grow.
I agree with you here. But I don't think your point and mine are mutually exclusive.
Obviously there are many singles of all ages, living alone, who love a great deal and have made commitments to others. None of what I said is meant to judge any particular individual. What I am saying is that, as a trend, it is an extremely worrisome indicator.
So it's a worrisome indicator that your "stereotypical" living alone family is increasing. With 4 pages of exceptions to that stereotype, which people see more then your seemingly small example of what you believe a single family actually is. You seem to think that since single families are increasing it's bad, but you have no idea if your stereotype is increasing...with many offering counter examples of how it is not.
Let alone how your example of single family people are anything other then theoretical exceptions rather then the norm.
Isn't that over-generalization? Even worse is that you have yet to provide a real example of the people you dread being more of, so it would be over-generalization from a fictional example. Even some anecdotal evidence of some one you may know. If people should be really afraid of fiction, then they obviously haven't grown up enough to realize the difference between reality and fiction.
That is a concern if a person is 10, but an adult shouldn't be falling into that trap unless they are very mentally disabled.
This could bring back something nearly extinct, and that's the front porch. The animal know as the "back deck" where families congregate does a single person little good except to sunbathe.
With those singles hanging out front, they'll be exposed to other singles and voala! No more singles!
But you're talking about houses. A very high % of those living in houses have families.
Most people who live alone live in apartments, which have balconies...maybe patios if they're townhouses or 1-story buildings.
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