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Nothing responsible about the man's behavior? He provided for his wife and children for 30 years isn't responsible? Why didn't she go get a career when the children were old enough that they didn't need mommy at home 24/7?? It's doesn't appear the guy cut and ran when they were in diapers. Many put their jobs on hold to stay home for a few years. Heck I did it for a while. If my wife ran off on my I wouldn't expect to be able to sit around and do nothing while she sent me a check every month to pay for me to do so. You say she STILL got five years of alimony and is still left holding the bag?? Five years?? You think he should pay her for the rest of her life?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,733,093 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChristineVA
I don't agree that alimony should be ended. Although, as most people work, it will end.
If you are male or female and, within the marriage, decide that one of you will forgo your career to stay home with the kids and you do so for many years, you have pretty much lost, forever, the earning potential you could have had if you stayed in the job market. This is not about women. It protects both marriage partners.
I only know one person receiving alimony. A male.
He and his wife both worked full time. She is a partner in a prestigious accounting firm downtown. He was a contractor for the government. After child number three, they decided it was better for the family for one of them to stay home. Since he made far less than she did, he was the one. He opted out of his career and has stayed home with the kids. The youngest one is now in elementary school. She has left him for another man. The economy has tanked, he *is* working but he still has not come close to what he would have made if he stayed in his old job (and his old job has been filled--it still there). So, he was awarded alimony and that is reviewed by the courts on an annual basis.
I wouldn't oppose it so much if adjustments were fairly made to accomdate changes in job status i.e. payer loses job; or payee is able to advance in their field. However in another story about the topic on CNN a guy wasnt able to get his high amount that he had to pay adjusted after he lost his business and obviously wasnt able to make payments of that high amount of $800 a week.
I agree...get a job... but how does one spouse (either male or female) have a chance at succeeding with a new career after spending years supporting the more successful spouse? You make it sound like for the past 30 years they were sitting on their ass eating bon-bons and watching soap operas. While many of these other spouses may have held jobs outside the home too, their biggest priorities were their homes and families. And as such doesn't that account for something? Sure.. the marriage had problems, what marriage doesn't... and if one wants a divorce.. no problem. But to say that a person should be able to walk out of a marriage (specifically a long term marriage) and leave the other in a position of destitution show's a complete and total lack of character and ethics... I'm as big a proponent of responsibility as you are... in my example above.. there was absolutely nothing responsible about the man's behavior, whereas the woman has shown nothing but great responsibility.
I guess the answers to this topic will show a lot about character won't it?
It is still a personal choice. You make that choice fully aware of the consequences. The choice is ultimely yours. My bf's mother has barely worked her whole life. When his parents married she said she wanted to be taken care of. Her 2 sons are over 25 and she lives off her ex husband because she is too darn lazy to get a job. She could have gotten a job when the kids were younger so her husband didn't have to work 2 or 3 jobs at a time yet she did not. Her ex husband not only gives her alimony but he also pays for health insurance and she will get half of his retirement. She lives the good life while he does not because he has to support her free riding ways. He lives in Mass and will be paying for alimony until one of the two dies if he cannot get it changed after 2013 due to a new law signed last year.
I am not sure alimony was invented so that an ex spouse could get a free ride and never have to look for a job ever again.
Another thing do you think maybe the guy left because he was tired of coming home from working all day watching her sit around eating bon bon's and watching soap's after the kids grew up?? Then look over and see the piles of "stuff" she just put on the credit card for the week and wonder why she won't get off her butt and put some money in the bank to help out????
Nothing responsible about the man's behavior? He provided for his wife and children for 30 years isn't responsible? Why didn't she go get a career when the children were old enough that they didn't need mommy at home 24/7?? It's doesn't appear the guy cut and ran when they were in diapers. Many put their jobs on hold to stay home for a few years. Heck I did it for a while. If my wife ran off on my I wouldn't expect to be able to sit around and do nothing while she sent me a check every month to pay for me to do so. You say she STILL got five years of alimony and is still left holding the bag?? Five years?? You think he should pay her for the rest of her life?
Sense of entitlement. People always think others owe them something.
Location: Just transplanted to FL from the N GA mountains
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Well.. ya'll can think what you want, but in this case.. this guy walked out after being the one who ran up tens of thousands of dollars on the credit card on his new girlfriend and to top it off.. he told her he was going "golfing" just never to return. Called her two days later and gave her the.. I love you, but I'm not in love with you line, never to return again. You can call it fair... I say he needs to grow a pair. He became the major bread winner in the family because of the work she put in, she just didn't get paid for it all those years... she earned all that back-pay and then some....
Hey I loved staying home with the kids but when they get old enough to start fending for themselves there is no need to keep doing it. Hell they don't want you hovering over em 24/7 either. lol. I don't get why somebody would want to sit around and do nothing all day but that's just me I guess. When they all got into school full time I was outta that gig. Only so much price is right and jerry springer can be watched by me. On the other hand if my wife made enough coin for me to pursue my quest to get on the senior golf tour then I'd be all for it. LOL
Gender neutral alimony.. okay. But I still believe you have to decide most alimony on a case by case basis. I know a couple, who were married for 30+ years. She had put her whole life on hold for his career. Raised the children, basically by herself, because of his work hours. And other than the financial support, yes which he earned 100%, he contributed nothing else to the marriage. Thirty years later he decides that its time to take a young, young, mistress, and then eventually walk out leaving the soon to be 50 year old ex wife holding the bag. Why? Because he needs to "find himself?" Yea, I know you guys will be saying, "Lucky devil". But I saw the devastation that this man caused in his wake. It turned out this woman got 5 years of alimony. Unable to get a decent job, she's barely making ends meet, and to this day is still struggling to pay off the debt this loser left her with. He got off too easy, now somewhere off with his young new wife, while the ex wife will still be a greeter at Walmart when she's in her 70's. And this behavior is okay?
For every incident you can quote like that one, I can quote another where the wife left the husband with a house full of kids. Is he not deserving of the same support a woman deserves in a similar situation?
Why, or why not?
Quote:
Originally Posted by aus10
He is just every bit as deserving... Didn't you read the first four words of my post? And I would call a woman who walked out on her marriage after 30 years the same loser... There has to be some common sense here... and trying to tie all marriages into a neat little packages based on time doesn't quite cut it either.
Perfect examples of why in a normally functioning Christian society divorce should be illegal. I don't want to hear from the feminist. If you marry someone who is an :abuser, alcoholic, deadbeat, emotionally distant, lazy, blah blah blah etc... That's on you.
You should actually get to know the person before you're married and reproducing. I know, bizarre concept in 2012 but nevertheless the great majority of people were fairly successful at this for millenia.
Henry VIII drug a whole nation to perdition because he could not accept this simple law that any civilized society by necessity must hold.
How is this new law bad for women? I don't even think alimony should exist PERIOD.
If you have a spouse that, for the sake of you and your children, forsakes working outside the home for many years to take care of your home and your children and then one day you wake up and see she has got old and decide to kick her to the curb and get somebody else younger and exciting, YES you should have to pay for that! After all she gave up many years of earnings to clean your house and raise your children.
Now, on the other hand, if she works outside the house and is capable of supporting herself and you do not have common children she stayed home and cared for, no she should not get anything except what she is entitled to get as community property.
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