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Too much blame going around.
I have never seen a boy commit a crime to impress a girl. They usually were selling drugs to feed their sisters and brothers,not to impress a girl.
You guys are making it seem women are smarter than men. Who knows,maybe we are....
Plus,that's bull that women don't want the fathers in the life of the kids. There are courts you know.
Plus,men think they can just come visit a child when they don't provide financially for that child.
Another excellent post, the problems we are seeing are market driven. So if Black women don't require much from men then the men will react accordingly.
This is why I say efforts should be concentrated on training Black women how to value characteristics in men that are conducive to long term mating and the ability to provide for one's family. You know like how women have evolved to do over thousands of years. Somewhere that broke down in the African American community.
With the advent of gay marriage I think polygamy should be revisted. This could potentially raise the gene pool of the Black community as successful men will be able to legally have more than one wife who presumably would be a more than suitable match.
Once black women start requiring more of black men,the men will complain black women are too hard on them and the men will start to jump to other races.
So,some are on here saying black women should require more,while some are saying they require too much.
I think a perfect examples of black married couples are the Nation Of Islam couples who seem to stay together.
Okay, so now its solely the black woman's responsibility to make sure the entire African American community evolves into a better race? I don't see how the majority of black women can pick better men if there is a small pool to choose from.
So, you're saying young girls should choose bad apples because there is a small pool? Try again, the African-American gender gap is only off by 2% for young people. 100% of those young men can't possibly be bad apples, a lot are simply getting left out until the women decide to stop playing around with bad seeds much later in life. By that point, many of the decent guys are taken or uninterested in their multiple kids and baggage.
The minority will get the good men while the rest are gonna wind up dealing with deadbeats. Sexism is one of the reasons why this situation in the black community will never improve, many are too busy scrutinizing and shaming black women's motherhood and dating choices, while black men go unscathed. Perhaps if more men were held to higher standards, and expected to exhibit respectable and valuable characteristics in their community, then we will see progress.
No one is giving the men a pass. You fail to realize these men react to what women like, so women are the best conduit for change. We can criticize men all day and it won't matter because the ultimate goal for any hetero man, good or bad, is to obtain a woman (or women). If he sees the girls want the bad boy or the quick cash, and are rejecting the smart guy, he's going to adapt regardless of what some man says.
The only way we can reverse that is an army of mentors for both genders or a revolution in parenting. This is unrealistic, so we turn to the girls for help.
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Originally Posted by nyanna
Both black men and women are to blame, however the vast majority of the blame is placed on black women. Because BW like thugs, than that is why BM are thugs, if BW choose better men then the black community would be a better place...nothing is ever directed towards BM learning how to be better men.
Well, think about what changed in the society and culture after 1960, when the majority of African-American babies were born in an intact, married household. Almost all of those changes were CREATED on female and government decisions, not male. Did some men participate and take advantage? Sure!
-The pill, abortion, and sexual revolution were pushed by women. Men would have always taken free sex from women even in the pre-1960s era. Women's push for this culture change removed the male responsibilities that were present pre 1960s.
-Using welfare and the child support system to easily remove the father out of the home eliminated the male role model. This created a cycle of women who didn't have fathers to scrutinize the suitors? Why would men all of a sudden decide to just up and leave after the 1960s if they were always there for thousands of years before?
Once again, women don't realize they have the real control over the culture and moral standards, not men. Men adapt their behavior to please and obtain women.
We could also say boys making bad decisions to have children with bad girls,but somehow I don't read that a lot.
I never hear white men blaming white women for their own bad decisions.
We aren't blaming Black women-we are saying its a accumulation of actions that has caused the destruction of the Black family-one being the choices some make in mates. And yes it goes both ways.
Too much blame going around.
I have never seen a boy commit a crime to impress a girl. They usually were selling drugs to feed their sisters and brothers,not to impress a girl.
So, why didn't they take that job cleaning toilets or serving fries to feed their sisters and brothers? Don't let people sell that lie to you, a lot of convicts use that excuse to justify taking shortcuts. Plus, food stamps are EASILY obtainable if a person is truly poor.
I grew up in the hood and worked in law enforcement and the prison system. I've had detailed conversations with the men who actually were gang members and drug dealers. 9 times out of 10, it always came down to a basic desire to obtain women through money, power or respect. Cleaning toilets and serving fries doesn't get any of those.
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Originally Posted by jerseygal4u
You guys are making it seem women are smarter than men. Who knows,maybe we are....
This has nothing to do with brains. It's about natural instincts playing themselves out due to a lack of strong parental influences.
Even if we used your logic (which I am not), that would put a higher responsibility on women, which you are arguing against.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u
Plus,that's bull that women don't want the fathers in the life of the kids. There are courts you know.
I guess you haven't heard numerous stories of men trying to see their kids and women keeping that child from them out of spite? Do you really think "every other weekend" is enough to influence a child? How many women do you know that would agree to 50/50 custody and give up that child support check?
I've worked in the system and have done plenty of research, so I know what actually goes on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u
Plus,men think they can just come visit a child when they don't provide financially for that child.
That's the end result of having kids with the bad seeds. If they choose better men, they will get fathers who do provide and do visit if the relationship ends.
Too much blame going around.
I have never seen a boy commit a crime to impress a girl. They usually were selling drugs to feed their sisters and brothers,not to impress a girl.
You guys are making it seem women are smarter than men. Who knows,maybe we are....
Plus,that's bull that women don't want the fathers in the life of the kids. There are courts you know.
Courts range from fair to useless to destructive. Ofttimes there is nothing a father can do to raise his kids if the mother and the courts do nothing to facilitate his doing it.
Quote:
Plus,men think they can just come visit a child when they don't provide financially for that child.
Sometimes even that can be more helpful than having no father at all. Why are finances so tightly tied to parenting?
We could also say boys making bad decisions to have children with bad girls,but somehow I don't read that a lot.
I never hear white men blaming white women for their own bad decisions.
Actually we do read that a lot, where do you think the whole "there's no good men out there" statement comes from? A woman who chose poorly.
Visit the relationships forum and you'll see plenty of white men blaming white women. They just don't place a race label because they are of the majority race in America and have the luxury to not specify. They don't say "white women" they say "women" or "American women" or "Western women".
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u
Once black women start requiring more of black men,the men will complain black women are too hard on them and the men will start to jump to other races.
I'm in the "requiring more" camp. Women's standards are much too low these days and focused on the wrong type of qualities.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u
I think a perfect examples of black married couples are the Nation Of Islam couples who seem to stay together.
That's because their women choose to respect their men and don't pick losers. The men in the NOI don't have real power, the government is just a phone call away if she tires of him.
I will just tell my daughter cut the bull and marry a nice white man. Black men are too much.
Or marry one of the NoI men.
Just because you have issues with black men doesn't mean that everyone is similarly dysfunctional.
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