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I am not even going to try to sugarcoat this and try to make this sound PC but I would like to understand why so many African American fathers are totally absent?
My ex-girlfriend just had a baby, she is 5 months now, I am not even the father of this child but I love her child as if she was mine.
I can't think of something more unnatural and bizarre than not having any feelings towards something that is half yours, something you helped to create.
I can't even describe how much joy this baby has brought into her life. She lives 3 hours away and every time I drive up there, I am so looking forward to seeing this beautiful child.
I think being attached to a child, is one of the most human or "humane" impulses, I can't even understand rationally how some people can have no feelings towards or interest in their own children, absolutely BIZARRE!
To be quite honest, I don't know for a fact why. I'm Black and my father has always been there, raising his children, and teaching them right. He loves his children.
However, I can only tell you what my professor told me. According to him, this dates back to slavery, when family structure wasn't respected by the slavemaster. According to the professor, the father might have a child, but the child, or the father could easily be sold off, thus creating an attitude of "why bother", and that it was passed down for generations.
On the other hand, the rate of Black children being born into fatherless homes was much lower in the 1920s than it is now. What is causing such a pattern since 1970 needs to be looked at.
Personally, I can't point to any one reason why this is happening.
Because love and caring was not a foundation of many of these relationships. It was all about 'getting some' and being too lazy to pull out or use protection.
Thank you It's kinda annoying how black women are always encouraged to date out, even when we don't want to.
and it's nice to know that there are black men who have diverse interests that still date black women
I have to admit I understand what you mean. I'm biracial(black and rican) and so is my fiance, but I have a few friends that date out or exclusively date out(typically it's white men). They feel like it's the "better" option simply because a lot of the black men that they meet that are similar to them are either dating out or for whatever reason aren't interested in them. Anyway a lot of them had no problem dating out, however I know for myself, that while I've dated white men in the past, I simply am not physically attracted to most of the white men that I've met or seen. I am really only attracted to Puerto-rican and black men, sometimes Asian men, but typically that's it. Of course I've had crushes on white male actors, but in real life, I don't really feel that same physical attraction very often, when it comes to white men. And I do know a few black women(my sisters for example) who feel the same way. They don't want to date "white men" and yet that is the option offered to black women seeking men that have similar interests, education and income. Like I said, I have friends that have no problem dating out, and even one who exclusively dates out and isn't attracted to black men, but for the ones that don't feel that attraction I can't imagine how they could force themselves to date a man that they weren't very attracted to.
I've always felt a strong physical attraction to black men and rican men, and so I understand you. I guess the issue is that as someone pointed out, for the most part(and I hate generalizing) it seems that there are an influx of black men that are more narrow-minded and more into "certain" types of black women, and the ones that aren't either date out seems like few will date black women or even seem to be attracted to them.
I said it before. Black women intentionally avoid males who would make good fathers. They have been a major component of the ruin of the black community with their "thug love" obsession. Black dudes, while most of these baby daddies who run from their responsibilities are losers, are just reacting to the demands of black women. Most black women want Simpson and thugs. And let's not forget the welfare state and media psy-op (a la modern day rap) that has been successful in it's part of destroying black Americans (and giving non-blacks a perceived justification for pulling a holocaust 2.0 on all black Americans, no matter if they're ghetto or successful).
Want to reverse the trend. Either pull a reverse psy-op to make decent black men sexually attractive. This is obviously the best solution if you want to revive the black family. An alternative is to dismantle the social barriers and images that prevent black men from daing outside of their race. Black men who date outside their race usually don't feel compelled to act like thugs, simps, and neglectful scrubs in order to turn some chick on.
I've alluded to this numerous times, and I have to agree. Unfortunately, by comparison, generally speaking black women just have a different definition of what "father figure" entails when it comes to choosing a mate. And that's not to say that women intentionally want abusive men, it's just that the behaviors and personality traits of the men that they are attracted to happen to include those very problems. It's really just a matter of priorities.
As for the second highlited portion, I really do think that it's a mixed bag, and it really depends on the venue where they are meeting these non-black women. If they are meeting them in predominantly black areas, the women usually prefer their black men to behave in a certain way that would characterize a sterotypical black male. Whereas the black men in predominantly white populations tend to attract the white women who like the "white acting" kind of black guy, which usually does'nt include the stereotypes. Needless to say, when I observe the black men in predominantly white environments, they tend to have their house in order (money, education etc) similar to the white guys who are in those same environments. And I think this does in fact go back to what Freedom and some of the other black men were saying earlier--right or wrong--men tend perform and behave based on the expectations of the very women that they are trying to attract. If a black guy wants to date a lilly white woman, and "woo" her in her own environment, he generally has to be on his game as if he were a stereotpyical white male. If he's interested in being with a black woman, he will probably have to engulf himself in a predominantly black envrionment and behave in another way altogether. I've seen the very same occur with white males who are attracted to black females. Generally they engulf themselves in predominantly black environments and exhibit all the stereotypes of a black male.
I know this schism between black males and females is the worst in the country, but remember that this is why I am truly an advocate of well meaning blacks separating themselves from "the other ones". Normal whites and Latinos have been able to separate themselves from white trash and unassimilating cholos. Why can't blacks do the same? That right there will produce (at least) two kinds of black families.
This is one of the most, if not the most, clairvoyant and clear headed bits of insight in this thread. Black people balk when you suggest that we self segregate from one another, but this really is the crux of the problem of how blacks are perceived in this country. You'll notice: You DO NOT see affluent, educated whites embracing white trash, nor taking up their causes. You just dont. They go to GREAT lengths to distance themselves from that element of their culture; to the extent that they'll even attempt to convince you that that isnt even a part of their culture at all - that white trash is some sort of other world entity, as foreign to them (civilized whites) as it is to non whites.
This combined with the fact that media and govt. controls the collective within civilized societies, means that the whites and jews who run both can manipulate their own image and manage public perception of themselves down to a tee. They make sure that if white trash is ever displayed on tv they are NEVER, ever to be taken seriously. They may be the butt of jokes, or they may be a source of ridicule, but you will never ever see whites openly embracing that element of their culture as a serious component of it. They'll even go so far as to sugarcoat that white trash image and re-brand it to you as "redneck" culture, as if there are different tiers of white trash (country music television nascar white trash, and kkk/neonazi white trash etc.)
However, well meaning high character blacks, whether out of apathy about, or empathy for, have embraced the lowlife element of the culture to a fault. They've stood idly by and watched thugs pillage their communities. Theyve sat on their hands as young black women have absolutely run amuck morally. And the main reason for this is because too many in the black community have close family members who are lowlives, or close friends who fit every single ghetto stereotype there is. Right down to the gold teeth and du-rag. - Cant judge tyrone because "he's your patna from so and so" and "hes just tryin to get it how he lives" and "hes gotta do what he gotta do." Because after all "only God can judge him" or "he who is without sin may cast the first stone", and "judge not, lest ye be judged" or some other worthless bromide that serves as a useful copout to do nothing and to excuse them from literally shaming that which should be considered shameful and unacceptable. You add to this, the absolutely paralyzing phobia that blacks have of being considered an "uncle tom" or an "uncle ruckus" or a house negro for going against the grain, and you have a recipe for disaster. A cultural system in which anything goes, and whatever doesnt go can have excuses made for it.
Last edited by soletaire; 06-08-2012 at 10:15 PM..
colorism is also a reason why black women get stuck with deadbeats. the lighter and more mixed she looks gives her a better shot at a decent man. we know that the high professional black man usually want the light european looking black women
colorism is also a reason why black women get stuck with deadbeats. the lighter and more mixed she looks gives her a better shot at a decent man. we know that the high professional black man usually want the light european looking black women
I knew the color thing had to surface sooner or later. Sheesh...
This is one of the most, if not the most, clairvoyant and clear headed bits of insight in this thread. Black people balk when you suggest that we self segregate from one another, but this really is the crux of the problem of how blacks are perceived in this country. You'll notice: You DO NOT see affluent, educated whites embracing white trash, nor taking up their causes. You just dont. They go to GREAT lengths to distance themselves from that element of their culture; to the extent that they'll even attempt to convince you that that isnt even a part of their culture at all - that white trash is some sort of other world entity, as foreign to them (civilized whites) as it is to non whites.
This combined with the fact that media and govt. controls the collective within civilized societies, means that the whites and jews who run both can manipulate their own image and manage public perception of themselves down to a tee. They make sure that if white trash is ever displayed on tv they are NEVER, ever to be taken seriously. They may be the butt of jokes, or they may be a source of ridicule, but you will never ever see whites openly embracing that element of their culture as a serious component of it. They'll even go so far as to sugarcoat that white trash image and re-brand it to you as "redneck" culture, as if there are different tiers of white trash (country music television nascar white trash, and kkk/neonazi white trash etc.)
However, well meaning high character blacks, whether out of apathy about, or empathy for, have embraced the lowlife element of the culture to a fault. They've stood idly by and watched thugs pillage their communities. Theyve sat on their hands as young black women have absolutely run amuck morally. And the main reason for this is because too many in the black community have close family members who are lowlives, or close friends who fit every single ghetto stereotype there is. Right down to the gold teeth and du-rag. - Cant judge tyrone because "he's your patna from so and so" and "hes just tryin to get it how he lives" and "hes gotta do what he gotta do." Because after all "only God can judge him" or "he who is without sin may cast the first stone", and "judge not, lest ye be judged" or some other worthless bromide that serves as a useful copout to do nothing and to excuse them from literally shaming that which should be considered shameful and unacceptable. You add to this, the absolutely paralyzing phobia that blacks have of being considered an "uncle tom" or an "uncle ruckus" or a house negro for going against the grain, and you have a recipe for disaster. A cultural system in which anything goes, and whatever doesnt go can have excuses made for it.
I think there is something else you might be leaving out. There is a fear of being called "Uncle Tom" because what it means ostracism by fellow Black people. I think another part of this is the attitude of "we're in the minority so we have to embrace our own, no matter how disgusting their behavior is".
I think there is something else you might be leaving out. There is a fear of being called "Uncle Tom" because what it means ostracism by fellow Black people. I think another part of this is the attitude of "we're in the minority so we have to embrace our own, no matter how disgusting their behavior is".
There is that too, no doubt. But I think that mentality is a very small minded mentality. Thats like adopting the mentality that 'I must keep an infected necrotic limb because its a part of my body, and Im all I got'. Despite the fact that the necrosis of the infected limb is spreading to major organs and killing me. It begs the question: what good is being in one piece if you're dead?
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It's kinda annoying how black women are always encouraged to date out, even when we don't want to. 
