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I went to a HBCU and I don't remember color being issue, then again I didn't go to Howard so maybe it's an issue there. I found that dark skin girls who kept themselves up had no problems attracting suitors.
I think overall there is a preference for lighter skin overall in the African American community but I don't think it's as pronounced as nyanna is suggesting.
I went Bethune and spent lots of time @ FAMU; I've never encountered the issue either. Perhaps you're not dark enough to understand either since apparently this is something that only "really" dark people see.
And MaryMary you have just highlighted one of the biggest problems within black communties. I am not dark enough to understand being a black woman? STUPID comments like that is why there are problems. Who has to worry about discrimination from nonblacks when black people will do it themselves? I actually had a black female poster on this forum tell me I have a "slave mind" because I prefer my hair relaxed. Yes, there you go black women, tear each other down, insult each other based on the same stupid color logic that you fought against.
I am done trying to have anything that might resemble a conversation with you. Go head and carry on the dark skin battle with your partner in pigment misery.
It wasn't a stupid comment. I pointed out that you wouldn't exactly understand what Nyanna was referring to if you are not a dark black woman. I would never pretend that we are all 100% equal in the eyes of society, because it's simply idealistic and untrue.
I however love myself and my beautiful brown skin tone. I'm married to a wonderful Jewish man and I've never had any problems attracting a wide variety of men. I however can relate to Nyanna, because I have experienced various types of people (primarily black) when I was a teen, pointing out that my brown skin was ugly. It just didn't carry much weight, because I knew that I was beautiful, due to being reared in a home that constantly instilled self love.
Although I do not have Nyanna's issues, I certainly don't discount the experiences of those who do. It's a very real issue for many dark women.
You can pretend that all black women irrespective of color have the same type of experiences, but let's be honest, we don't. Our experiences are so varied. Don't be so quick to dismiss another person's viewpoint, try to put yourself in their shoes, and understand that their experiences are quite real.
Last edited by MaryMary2012; 06-10-2012 at 12:04 PM..
I never said it wasn't small-minded. I should have explained it further. There is a feeling among some people that they have to get along, even with the "hoodrats". What I meant is that some people may know that these "hoodrat" types are counterproductive to African-Americans. I think where this comes from is a feeling that only a fellow Black man can look out for a fellow Black man. I think what it comes down to is trust.
And I will put a bit of my own spin on your analogy. One might know that the necrotic limb is causing a problem. Why a person might keep that necrotic limb? Someone might feel that the infected arm is the only arm he or she has.
I think there is a feeling that if the "hoodrat" characters are called out and shamed, that those in the Black community who call them out will face ostracism and being called names like "Uncle Tom". In addition, a feeling that if this happens, that it could mean having nowhere to belong.
I'm not saying it isn't small minded. I say some of this is more fear.
I guess I should have stated my stance more clearly. I wasnt disagreeing with what you said at all...I very much understood your statement and agreed with it in full; and Ive encountered blacks who expressed the same desire for unity at all costs (even to the detriment of the whole) that you highlighted in your initial post. I called myself expounding on your statement and drawing an analogy between a part of the population that is having a negative impact on the whole, and a cancerous organ or a necrotic limb damaging the other thriving bodyparts including the body itself. My point was that if the damaged component is going to take down the entire body or population that its attached to, then even if its all we have, its going to be the death of us either way if we allow that damaged component to remain attached to the functioning body.
I think too, one must remember that a lot of these blacks who seek "unity" at all costs are the pathogen themselves -- Not all, or maybe not even most, but some are. They are blacks of little substance who not only want, but need the collective in order for them to remain afloat themselves. So they're always going to be onboard to piggyback off the blacks who have invested in achievement and attained it under the guise of "black unity". These are the blacks who will attempt to put any black who is content distancing themselves from them, on a guilt trip if you let them.
Its one thing to help children get into a better position in life, but too many grown underachieving blacks (with and without children) use the whole black unity thing to guilt trip blacks who overcame the exact same, or worse hardships, into taking up their causes with them, which reflects poorly on each individual, whether they've achieved success in life or not. To put it bluntly: While there certainly are decent blacks who have simply fallen on misfortune and may need additional representation in their corner, my point is that successful blacks have neither the time nor resources, nor the media leverage at this point, to allocate to that segment of the populace who are absolutely lost causes. Because they do exist.
I guess I should have stated my stance more clearly. I wasnt disagreeing with what you said at all...I very much understood your statement and agreed with it in full; and Ive encountered blacks who expressed the same desire for unity at all costs (even to the detriment of the whole) that you highlighted in your initial post. I called myself expounding on your statement and drawing an analogy between a part of the population that is having a negative impact on the whole, and a cancerous organ or a necrotic limb damaging the other thriving bodyparts including the body itself. My point was that if the damaged component is going to take down the entire body or population that its attached to, then even if its all we have, its going to be the death of us either way.
I think too, one must remember that a lot of these blacks who seek "unity" at all costs are the pathogen themselves -- Not all, or maybe not even most, but some are. They are blacks of little substance who not only want, but need the collective in order for them to remain afloat themselves. So they're always going to be onboard to piggyback off the blacks who have invested in achievement and attained it under the guise of "black unity". These are the blacks who will attempt to put any black who is content distancing themselves from them, on a guilt trip if you let them.
Its one thing to help children get into a better position in life, but too many grown underachieving blacks (with and without children) use the whole black unity thing to guilt trip blacks who overcame the exact same, or worse hardships, into taking up their causes with them, which reflects poorly on each individual, whether they've achieved success in life or not. To put it bluntly: While there certainly are decent blacks who have simply fallen on misfortune and may need additional representation in their corner, my point is that successful blacks have neither the time nor resources, nor the media leverage at this point, to allocate to that segment of the populace who are absolutely lost causes. Because they do exist.
I cannot disagree at all with what you said. My father said the same thing this morning. * Goes back to studying programming.*
I went Bethune and spent lots of time @ FAMU; I've never encountered the issue either. Perhaps you're not dark enough to understand either since apparently this is something that only "really" dark people see.
Lol I'm probably darker than most people posting. I got called names in high school about it but I can't recall anyone in college referring to my skin color negatively.
I am not even going to try to sugarcoat this and try to make this sound PC but I would like to understand why so many African American fathers are totally absent?
My ex-girlfriend just had a baby, she is 5 months now, I am not even the father of this child but I love her child as if she was mine.
I can't think of something more unnatural and bizarre than not having any feelings towards something that is half yours, something you helped to create.
I can't even describe how much joy this baby has brought into her life. She lives 3 hours away and every time I drive up there, I am so looking forward to seeing this beautiful child.
I think being attached to a child, is one of the most human or "humane" impulses, I can't even understand rationally how some people can have no feelings towards or interest in their own children, absolutely BIZARRE!
LOL! Just don't get attached yourself or you will be the one paying child support!!
What you mention reminds me of my family to an extent. I am African-American, and I'm the oldest of 3 children(2 boys, one girl). My sister is kind of an interesting person. She has sort of an artsy persona with a bit of punk thrown in. She has painted Chuck Taylors, is learning the guitar, wears soccer jackets. She was described by one of the neighborhood kids as "White girl". Nearly all of her friends are White. I think she only has one Black friend, a guy. My younger brother could be described as the most "hood" out of all of us. He sometimes dresses "thuggish", but can also dress preppy. He listens to rap music. When he is with his Black friends he might use Ebonics, but most of the time he speaks standard English. He plays baseball for his college. He has hung around kids who have gotten into trouble for things like stealing and drugs. He hasn't gotten into trouble. I thank my father for that. Between the three of us, my brother is the toughest of us. Then, we come to me. I would describe myself as kind of nerdy, bookish, socially awkward(in some ways), I like Hello Kitty stuff, I watch stuff like National Geographic. I dress a bit like Carlton. I'm also short like Carlton(5'5"). My siblings smile alot more than I do.
Have you ever thought of opening up your options to white women? I know a lot of black men like yourself happily married to them and you'll find plenty of them into the same things that you're into.
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