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It's weird, because when I lived in NYC, almost no one ever asked me what I did. When I moved to San Diego, even people like barbers would ask me about my job. Then they'd talk about how NYC is all about money, and how we here are more laid back, etc. Yeah, I can see that.
I had to laugh.
I lived in Manhattan for over forty years, and this was a routine opener. Maybe it's just that times have changed.
I agree that it was ?odd for the potential employee to ask you this question. I probably wouldn't have responded as you did, but might have said "Why do you ask?".
But yes, in this country, it is not considered impolite to ask what people do for a living. It's a conversation starter in social situations, where people are searching for things in common, I guess. I actually do agree that it is a little personal, but most Americans don't see it that way.
Like it or not, for most in the US, you spend more time at work by far then any other activity in your life. For many (most?) people, your work reflects or strongly impacts who you are. Many of us actually have very little free time to read, participate in hobbies, travel the world etc... especially if we work in demanding jobs or are struggling to juggle personal/family/work issues.
Sure, it must be nice in France to talk about your 1 month vacation in Santorini, or the last exhibit at the Louvre, or the newest CD/book etc you enjoyed. I would love to talk about that, and think it is sad that many American's might know the most recent reality TV show but not the most recent. But let's face it.... lifestyle is VERY different in France. Work hours are much shorter, people do not move as far away from family/friends, even the pace of the day/eating habits are very very different.
I do think when you are in another country, you kinda need to go with the flow, or expect that YOU will be offending other people.... when you react so harshly to those you don't live up to your refined expectations.
I can see both sides of the discussion. There is merit to both points of view.
My father was in the diamond business. He was a regional sales rep for one of the biggest fine diamond importing and trading companies. Sometimes he carried a briefcase with hundreds of thousands of dollars - maybe even a million - in loose diamonds of the highest quality. Naturally he did not want total strangers or even casual acquaintances to know what he did for a living. It wasn't even comfortable when close friends and relatives knew his business because they would ask him about buying a diamond from him at the wholesale cost ... something that he could not do (his clients would place orders for packages of diamonds - called "lots" - that ran into 6 figures easily.)
Asking some people what they do as an occupation can be intrusive.
I remember when I was laid off from my job in early 2008, how embarrassing it was to say "well, I'm unemployed" ... even "I'm between jobs" is just as embarrassing. Can you imagine, as a single man, being invited to a social event or a club where other singles are, and you're always asked about your job when you don't have one? Not a good way to find a date.
On the other hand, the people who ask this question just want to break the ice, start a conversation, they aren't trying to be rude or intrusive. It's like saying "How are you?" and you respond "Fine, thanks" even if you are not fine.
It's just a conventional greeting that is all.
If someone asks the question "What do you do?" Why not answer with a hobby, such as "I go hiking, do some gardening, and on weekends I go to yard sales and flea markets." If they respond, "Oh, I mean what do you do for a living?" just reply "Too boring to talk about. What are your hobbies?" They'll get the message.
When asked the question you don't have to be precise. My Dad would say "I deal in rocks. By the way, are you in need of gravel for your driveway or flag stone for your backyard?"
Out of most of the replies, you and a sum few understand how it is rude to be asked that. And it is intrusive. I think its ridiculous how people may feel that "its the norm" and "this is just how it is in America bit" Nope I don't buy it. If the person prefaces their question with wow your remarks or fascinating or you are very insightful on this topic, what line of work or you in. And why is it then, when people ask What do you do for a living, the more classy and well educated preface it with "If you don't mind me asking--what do you do for a living" That is asking for permission and is correct in asking, because they know th intrusiveness of the question. And what i think what is more ridiculous is more than half of you responding feel some sort of obligation to answer. I on the other hand do not. If I am intrigued by someone and we are hitting it off, then I would say "hey Chris your knowledge base on this topic is outstanding, IF you don't mind me asking, what do you do for a living"
In regards to someone saying they probably laughed behind my back at this--not true. The guy called me several times leaving voice messages graveling to get the job. I eventually returned the call and said I hired someone else to do the project, and although he was young and in my age bracket, I strongly feel to see me in his age bracket and I am doing well, perhaps he wanted to genuinely know. BUT my problem is after asking 3 times for a quote he would not say and then jumped into the what do you for a living. So somewhere in the minds of certain Americans they feel the one being asked is obligated to answer. Not so.
I do like the responses that were given regarding evasive answers. And my friend who is an optometrist doesn't like to state what she does initially because people treat her nicely but its so obvious it is fake. I know another male who is a surgeon who often says when he reveals what he does its so evident the treatment changes and he wants to be treated solely on his character not on his profession. So he usually evades the question or gives a general response.
Our society is so driven on status--even if the person has no status but there is a strong drive to rub elbows with those with "successful" professions. I personally don't care what the next person does, as I always say to others who don't like what they do or as they think they are on the lower end of the totem pole, I first say everyone has their own race, don't view life in regards of totem poles are hiearchy. God placed you in your career path for purpose, if you have no passion for it go back to school and find your passion. Thats where your success lies. And then I help them realize be grateful that you are employed and not in that 8.2% unemployment in this country.
I love what I do, and I am great at it. I am extremely blessed in many many ways, not just in regards to materialism. Believe me if you walked into a room and met someone who had a jersey on, hat to the back, sipping on a beer watching a game, you more than likely would think he is a blue collar worker--nothing wrong with that. But if you spoke to him and built a rapport and he revealed he is CEO of a hospital--your outlook of him would change, as well as your body language as well as how you NOW treat him after this knowledge.
I have gone out and met people and revealed what I did and yes, they changed how they treated me--It went from cool and relaxed and pleasant, to the need for them to try to impress and some felt inferior or made excuses about what they did or why they didnt finish school or grad school. I hate that. I want everyone to be on same playing field despite tax bracket or zip code.
So don't judge people on occupation. IF you are comfortable discussing that--kudos to you. AS for me I would prefer to discuss more substantive topics and eventually warm up to that if i was intrigued by you or wanted to know more info. There is certainly nothing rude about that.
Really, someone would fire a person for asking them what they do for a living. That is laughable! Especially since you highered the individual. What other approrpriate question was he suppose to ask? Most people would have been offended if someone they just met started asking them personal questions like, what kind of books do you read? These questions send up a red flag of "stalker", Rebufe me if you can! You are right this is America, and we do have some pretty shaddy characters here. Another reason that the question arrises, "what do you do for a living?" It's a neutral question, without it, there is no conversation. Once, established though you will find that the initial question has little importance, it was a conversation piece that leads into the more personal questions that you think so highly of. That person you terminated is probably more interesting than you will ever be, and if I ever find out who the person is, I'll buy them an ice cold beer, or beverage of thier choice.
Also, you were not rude, you were down right mean.
Really, someone would fire a person for asking them what they do for a living. That is laughable! Especially since you highered the individual. What other approrpriate question was he suppose to ask? Most people would have been offended if someone they just met started asking them personal questions like, what kind of books do you read? These questions send up a red flag of "stalker", Rebufe me if you can! You are right this is America, and we do have some pretty shaddy characters here. Another reason that the question arrises, "what do you do for a living?" It's a neutral question, without it, there is no conversation. Once, established though you will find that the initial question has little importance, it was a conversation piece that leads into the more personal questions that you think so highly of. That person you terminated is probably more interesting than you will ever be, and if I ever find out who the person is, I'll buy them an ice cold beer, or beverage of thier choice.
Also, you were not rude, you were down right mean.
Thank you screwdriver--I will send you an nice cold one your way--You seem like a Coors light kind of guy. Correct me if I am wrong before I put in the order for an ice cold beer for you. I hope you don't think that is mean of me to offer you a cold one??? If so I can send you a cup of tea....choice is yours
I agree that it was ?odd for the potential employee to ask you this question. I probably wouldn't have responded as you did, but might have said "Why do you ask?".
Like it or not, for most in the US, you spend more time at work by far then any other activity in your life. For many (most?) people, your work reflects or strongly impacts who you are. Many of us actually have very little free time to read, participate in hobbies, travel the world etc... especially if we work in demanding jobs or are struggling to juggle personal/family/work issues.
Sure, it must be nice in France to talk about your 1 month vacation in Santorini, or the last exhibit at the Louvre, or the newest CD/book etc you enjoyed. I would love to talk about that, and think it is sad that many American's might know the most recent reality TV show but not the most recent. But let's face it.... lifestyle is VERY different in France.
I do think when you are in another country, you kinda need to go with the flow, or expect that YOU will be offending other people.... when you react so harshly to those you don't live up to your refined expectations.
I think we're doing a bit of stereotyping in this thread. Plenty of people I know have a library book or an ereader to keep them company during a lunch break or while waiting at a doctor's office. Our library has plenty of traffic. I know plenty of people that travel, but you are right in that Americans might not have as much time to do it.
I'd still like to know why any sort of conversational ice breaker is better than another though, which is why a lot of people ask that particular question. I'm not sure that I think my identity is totally about my job...but to pretend that that part of my life is invisible is silly also.
I'd agree that one has to go with the flow. Amongst my coworkers, there are probably more without kids than with, so I usually avoid that as a conversation starter.
Out of most of the replies, you and a sum few understand how it is rude to be asked that. And it is intrusive.
And my friend who is an optometrist doesn't like to state what she does initially because people treat her nicely but its so obvious it is fake. I know another male who is a surgeon who often says when he reveals what he does its so evident the treatment changes and he wants to be treated solely on his character not on his profession. So he usually evades the question or gives a general response.
Our society is so driven on status--even if the person has no status but there is a strong drive to rub elbows with those with "successful" professions. I personally don't care what the next person does, as I always say to others who don't like what they do or as they think they are on the lower end of the totem pole.
I have gone out and met people and revealed what I did and yes, they changed how they treated me--It went from cool and relaxed and pleasant, to the need for them to try to impress and some felt inferior or made excuses about what they did or why they didnt finish school or grad school. I hate that. I want everyone to be on same playing field despite tax bracket or zip code.
So don't judge people on occupation. IF you are comfortable discussing that--kudos to you. AS for me I would prefer to discuss more substantive topics and eventually warm up to that if i was intrigued by you or wanted to know more info. There is certainly nothing rude about that.
Why is asking about one's occupation any more intrusive than asking about what one has read most recently? You are attaching a value judgment based on your own opinion.
I'll say it again...a surgeon and an optometrist both have chose professions that have a public face. Since both require years of education to say that the qualities required to be successful with these jobs are interlinked with the character of the person.
Status is part of society everywhere. Trying to one up someone in a conversation about the latest museum you've went to is just as much about trying to present a level of status to someone.
Who decides what topic is substantive...just you? Everyone has different opinions.
As pretentious and snobbish as this whole thread is, I'd think that those whom are so far above it all would have better grammar and spelling...
LOL....I'm not above it all, but I do know I make the occasional error.
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