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Old 07-29-2012, 03:09 PM
 
Location: Everywhere you want to be
2,106 posts, read 3,051,780 times
Reputation: 1007

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Quote:
Originally Posted by sugarsugar View Post
I just find it nice to meet someone else who has also noticed this demanding intrusiveness (for lack of a better phrase), and finds it odd (and in some contexts, completely inappropriate). At times, I've thought I was the only one who felt this way, at least on my home continent
Nope! you are NOT alone honey buns!!

 
Old 07-29-2012, 03:15 PM
 
7,473 posts, read 3,980,750 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chica_bella813 View Post
Out of most of the replies, you and a sum few understand how it is rude to be asked that. And it is intrusive. I think its ridiculous how people may feel that "its the norm" and "this is just how it is in America bit" Nope I don't buy it. If the person prefaces their question with wow your remarks or fascinating or you are very insightful on this topic, what line of work or you in. And why is it then, when people ask What do you do for a living, the more classy and well educated preface it with "If you don't mind me asking--what do you do for a living" That is asking for permission and is correct in asking, because they know th intrusiveness of the question. And what i think what is more ridiculous is more than half of you responding feel some sort of obligation to answer. I on the other hand do not. If I am intrigued by someone and we are hitting it off, then I would say "hey Chris your knowledge base on this topic is outstanding, IF you don't mind me asking, what do you do for a living"

In regards to someone saying they probably laughed behind my back at this--not true. The guy called me several times leaving voice messages graveling to get the job. I eventually returned the call and said I hired someone else to do the project, and although he was young and in my age bracket, I strongly feel to see me in his age bracket and I am doing well, perhaps he wanted to genuinely know. BUT my problem is after asking 3 times for a quote he would not say and then jumped into the what do you for a living. So somewhere in the minds of certain Americans they feel the one being asked is obligated to answer. Not so.

I do like the responses that were given regarding evasive answers. And my friend who is an optometrist doesn't like to state what she does initially because people treat her nicely but its so obvious it is fake. I know another male who is a surgeon who often says when he reveals what he does its so evident the treatment changes and he wants to be treated solely on his character not on his profession. So he usually evades the question or gives a general response.

Our society is so driven on status--even if the person has no status but there is a strong drive to rub elbows with those with "successful" professions. I personally don't care what the next person does, as I always say to others who don't like what they do or as they think they are on the lower end of the totem pole, I first say everyone has their own race, don't view life in regards of totem poles are hiearchy. God placed you in your career path for purpose, if you have no passion for it go back to school and find your passion. Thats where your success lies. And then I help them realize be grateful that you are employed and not in that 8.2% unemployment in this country.

I love what I do, and I am great at it. I am extremely blessed in many many ways, not just in regards to materialism. Believe me if you walked into a room and met someone who had a jersey on, hat to the back, sipping on a beer watching a game, you more than likely would think he is a blue collar worker--nothing wrong with that. But if you spoke to him and built a rapport and he revealed he is CEO of a hospital--your outlook of him would change, as well as your body language as well as how you NOW treat him after this knowledge.

I have gone out and met people and revealed what I did and yes, they changed how they treated me--It went from cool and relaxed and pleasant, to the need for them to try to impress and some felt inferior or made excuses about what they did or why they didnt finish school or grad school. I hate that. I want everyone to be on same playing field despite tax bracket or zip code.

So don't judge people on occupation. IF you are comfortable discussing that--kudos to you. AS for me I would prefer to discuss more substantive topics and eventually warm up to that if i was intrigued by you or wanted to know more info. There is certainly nothing rude about that.

try to think outside the box..............
If I ask someone what they do for a living,99% of the time it is to find out where their interests are,and what areas of expertise they may have knowledge.Recently at a party I asked someone I was introduced to what he did for a living..........turns out he was in the military,and was a blackhawk helicopter pilot.I am ex-army,formerly a crew chief on a huey.He had been in the army 20 years and had flown BOTH helicopters............This was amazing.....I had a once in a lifetime opportunity to compare both ships...........If I had not asked his occupation...........I would have never known.........after getting to know him he was VERY humble and would have NEVER come forward with this on his own......

I am now retired,but I worked for the railroad for 37 years.Many times when asked what I do for a living when I tell someone I was a railroader....... they are anxious to learn more about trains and railroads ETC.............
try to lose that hard shell............most people are eager to know what you do to LEARN and have a NICE conversation..........an interest in what you do for a living is basically an interest in YOU
 
Old 07-29-2012, 03:20 PM
 
Location: Everywhere you want to be
2,106 posts, read 3,051,780 times
Reputation: 1007
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeffdoorgunner View Post
try to think outside the box..............
If I ask someone what they do for a living,99% of the time it is to find out where their interests are,and what areas of expertise they may have knowledge.Recently at a party I asked someone I was introduced to what he did for a living..........turns out he was in the military,and was a blackhawk helicopter pilot.I am ex-army,formerly a crew chief on a huey.He had been in the army 20 years and had flown BOTH helicopters............This was amazing.....I had a once in a lifetime opportunity to compare both ships...........If I had not asked his occupation...........I would have never known.........after getting to know him he was VERY humble and would have NEVER come forward with this on his own......

I am now retired,but I worked for the railroad for 37 years.Many times when asked what I do for a living when I tell someone I was a railroader....... they are anxious to learn more about trains and railroads ETC.............
try to lose that hard shell............most people are eager to know what you do to LEARN and have a NICE conversation..........an interest in what you do for a living is basically an interest in YOU
Good point. Thanks
 
Old 07-29-2012, 03:20 PM
 
506 posts, read 1,156,327 times
Reputation: 296
Quote:
Originally Posted by chica_bella813 View Post
Have you ever been out at a gathering with people you meet for the first time and everyone is getting along well and then someone asks "hey what do you do for a living??"

I find that to be rude. I read that in France you could go to a dinner party every other night with several couples for a year and NO ONE would dare ask what you do for a living. They would ask questions like what book did you read last, Or have you visited the Louve museum or some sort of museum or discuss the arts.

But why do we Americans have the tendency to do this?? I hired someone to do some work for me and that was one of the questions he asked me--I was immediately turned off. My reply was do you base your fee upon occupation??? He was silent. Very evident he didnt like that response. Its as if alot of Americans feel entitled to know what you do for a living as a way to size you up.

So then he says wow I never met someone so secretive about their occupation--Are you a top government official on an assignment. At that point I terminated his contract and taught him a very good lesson in professionalism. You are here to do a job, not attempt to pass judgement or size up your client.

What are your thoughts?? Anyone else find this question rude and annoying??
So, like, what do you do for a living then?
 
Old 07-29-2012, 03:25 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,853 posts, read 35,012,995 times
Reputation: 22693
I don't think that asking this question is rude. Obviously, the person asking is looking for a common denominator that will give them something to converse about. Hopefully, a shared experience or something at least to ASK the person about to keep the conversation going. After all, most people love to talk about their jobs.

If you would rather not talk about work, you can always say...."oh my job is so boring, I'd rather not even think about it. So, what about those Cardinals?" and chances are the person won't bring it up again.

Or you could just make a joke of it and tell them you are a brain surgeon or something like that.

20yrsinBranson
 
Old 07-29-2012, 03:27 PM
 
506 posts, read 1,156,327 times
Reputation: 296
Quote:
Originally Posted by chica_bella813 View Post

For instance, do you travel much?? I love to travel and am very well traveled, but if the person didnt perhaps they may feel bad.

In my next social setting I am going to try what I read about the French and ask about what was the last book that person read to gather more insight, or have they been to the local musuem opposed to asking their occupation or age.
Not everyone can afford to travel, okay? And not everyone reads, alright!

You actually fired people for asking questions that are the normal to asked here in the country?
 
Old 07-29-2012, 03:30 PM
 
Location: New Albany, IN
830 posts, read 1,659,757 times
Reputation: 1150
"What do you do for a living?" is not a rude question--it's only rude when brought up in an inappropriate situation, but that is the case for any question. Status (wealth and otherwise) can be judged by other facts about you. For example I have an odd last name and people ask me about it all the time. People can make judgements based on my [perceived] ethnicity about where I'm from, where I live, how educated I am, what kind of man I married and more. I don't feel like it's a personal attack. I am going to have this name for the rest of my life, and maybe someone thinks I have every right to be offended when people ask "what kind of name is that?" but I just assume people are curious and not trying to "size me up."

Here in the Louisville area many transplants are surprised (and some are offended) that a common question that comes up when meeting someone new is, "where did you go to high school?" Of course where you went to high school can say much about your background and current situation, like your neighborhood, wealth, ethnicity, religion, social group, whether you went to college, etc. It's another question that people can take the wrong way and get offended over. Maybe I should be offended because I went to one of the best schools in my area (not in Louisville) and now I have a low-paying, low-status job, but I'm not bothered by the question.
 
Old 07-29-2012, 03:37 PM
 
Location: Everywhere you want to be
2,106 posts, read 3,051,780 times
Reputation: 1007
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunset2000 View Post
Not everyone can afford to travel, okay? And not everyone reads, alright!

You actually fired people for asking questions that are the normal to asked here in the country?
Sunset, if you were referred to me to do work and upon the beginning phase of our discussions and I ask you 3 times how much are your fees for this job--and you chose not to answer me, then moments pass by and you say What do you do for a living--yes that would strike a cord with me.

I am going to hire you to do a job and you can't be forthright with me about the cost but you are more concerned about my occupation opposed to getting this job.


Dang skippy I did not hire him for the job. With no regrets, plus I listen to my intuition. IF I feel a bad vibe from the onset I listen. He was out of line by not discussing cost but wanting to know my line of work, that is why I said do you base your fee on occupation. At that point one would leave that topic alone, but he insisted by making snide remarks about "you must be some top secretive government official to not want to disclose your line of work" at that point he completely lost me and was out of line and I had no desire to deal with him.

Back to your response, i understand people can't travel especially in this economy, no problem, And I understand that some don't read. But I am not obligated to divulge info about myself if I chose not to. I have had others avoid that question when asked, because they also felt that to be intrusive. If someone doesn't want to answer the question, i would respect that and move on, especially if I was a contractor possibly getting work for a big job like this young man could have done.
 
Old 07-29-2012, 03:44 PM
 
506 posts, read 1,156,327 times
Reputation: 296
Quote:
Originally Posted by chica_bella813 View Post
Sunset, if you were referred to me to do work and upon the beginning phase of our discussions and I ask you 3 times how much are your fees for this job--and you chose not to answer me, then moments pass by and you say What do you do for a living--yes that would strike a cord with me.
So, what do you do for a living?
 
Old 07-29-2012, 03:53 PM
 
404 posts, read 900,797 times
Reputation: 452
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunset2000 View Post
So, what do you do for a living?
+1

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